I think I'm an alcoholic

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

Haven’t posted here in a long time but have been reading threads almost daily. I would like to get some advice/support/be berated - whatever. There always seems to be a good amount of clear thinking on this board and I need that now.

Let me start by saying I hardly ever drink. I never drink at home except when friends are over. Maybe once a week. Then I often have only 2 or 3 drinks.

BUT, once in a while I get completely out of it. This only happens about once a year or so. And it’s gotten less. I black out, get aggressive, do stupid things. And I never know when it is going to happen. I sometimes get a bit drunk and am perfectly fine.

It happened again on Thursday. This time was the worst. I’m almost too embarrassed to say what happened. I discharged my weapon at home. Scared the living shit out of my family. Drove the car into a wall and got arrested. Spent the night in jail and got out on bail Friday morning.

This was a real wake up call. I clearly have underlying aggression issues. It might be genetic? Both my parents were alcoholics and both died because of it. I thought I was rational enough to keep it from happening to me. But clearly there comes a point that I cannot control myself.

I’ve decided that the only real answer is not to drink at all.

Will that make all the problems go away? I’m not sure but at least I will be rational and not so drunk I cannot think.

I’ve looked up AA meetings in the area but I feel almost silly going. Not sure if it is the answer for me. Any thoughts from anyone? Where else can I go, what else should I consider?

Most importantly how do I fix what I did? What actions can I take to show my family that I can change. I’ve said I will but talk is cheap, as they say.

2

Binge drinking does not necessarily mean alcoholism. Might require more than just AA to deal with the binge drinking issue. Here’s hoping for the best for you while waiting for Qadgop to attend.

3

If you dislike the AA ideology you could try Rational Recovery.

4

Not to mention that AA doesn’t work.

Anyway: Getting nasty when you’re drunk doesn’t make you an alcoholic. An addiction to alcohol is what makes you an alcoholic. But you’ve said that you drink once a week and have two drinks when you do. You have an episode of serious drinking only twice a year. That doesn’t sound like alcoholism to me. That being said, if you’re dangerous when you’re drunk the only answer is to never drink. Tell your friends and family that you’re never going to drink again and ask that they help keep you committed.

5

http://wqd.netwarriors.org/

Its a forum for recovering alchoholics, they have a lot of helpful advice and it seems like there is always someone who has had the same experience as you.

Edit, your first time you should go to the forum page

6

Thanks. Just Googled that. Looks like some good stuff.

I tend to agree. I would not like to define myself as an alcoholic. I also consider the idea of getting together in a group where the only thing binding us together is drinking to be a bit of nonsense. I do not define my life by drinking. However I also do not want to be the classic denier. I’ve seen that before. And I think there is some value in defining myself as an alcoholic. It brings home the reality that I should not drink at all.

7

You don’t seem like an alcoholic. You do seem like an angry, violent drunk and as such you’d be a complete asshole if you allowed yourself to drink knowing how you act boozed up. Don’t buy liquor anymore and grow the balls to decline a drink when it’s offered. If you’re incapable of doing that then yes, you might be an alcoholic (though I think you’d need to have withdrawal symptoms to technically qualify, even then).

8

Unless you simply can’t stop yourself from drinking (in which case I’d say yeah, you’re an alcoholic), I’d say you’re one of those people who simply can’t handle liquor.

Some people are like that. They start getting a buzz on and feeling good, and then find they can’t stop themselves from going too far and getting full-on drunk. And then they do stupid and/or dangerous things they’d never think of doing when they aren’t under the influence. And alcohol can also make some people behave more aggressively, and in some cases it can cause them to become easily angered and/or combative. This is where the term ‘mean drunk’ comes from, and it sounds like you’re one of those people too. (This is not to say you’re a mean drunk yourself, but it does show that you’re one of those people for whom alcohol brings out an aggressive streak.)

I think you have shown that you simply can’t handle liquor, and that you should therefore resolve not to drink anything at all anymore - not beer, not wine, nothing. Then you won’t risk finding yourself unable to stop drinking until you’ve gone too far, and you won’t find yourself doing things that you’d never do otherwise. (And don’t let your friends talk you into it either, and they’ll probably try. And if they do, it won’t be because they’re bad people, it’ll be just because it’s more fun to drink if the people you’re with are drinking too. But they need to understand and respect the fact that you’re just one of those people who can’t handle alcohol. And if they won’t respect that, then you’re simply going to have to find something else to do when they’re drinking. The alternative is that sooner or later you’re going to wind up doing something that you’ll be sorry for the rest of your life.)

And the action you can take to show your family that you can change is simply to change. Just don’t drink anymore, and once enough time has gone by they will begin to accept that it’s for keeps. But they’ll probably always be fearful of what will happen should you start to drink again, and you’ll have to be vigilant for the rest of your life not to let them and yourself down. You have a serious problem and one that has the potential to absolutely ruin you life. The good news is that it’s easy to fix. There aren’t many problems in life whose solution is simply to do nothing. You aren’t drinking that heavily now so just resolve not to do it anymore. Then you won’t have to worry about the very real danger that you’ll wind up harming someone or otherwise doing something that will result in your having ruined the rest of your life.

9

That’s gotta be one of the most ignorant fucking things you’ve ever spewed here. AA absolutely does work, for me and millions of other people.

DangleYourModifier, check out AA and see what you think, instead of taking the word of some asshole on the 'net who’s talking on who knows what kind of uninformed basis. Attend a few meetings and find out if you hear anything that resonates with you or makes sense to you. You don’t have to declare yourself an alcoholic, make any promises – or even say anything at all – just listen with an open mind.

If you decide you want what the people there have, they will help you with the tools you can use to achieve it for yourself.

twickster, clean and sober through the steps of AA for 24 years, 9 months, and 24 days.

10

I was about to post a response to AClockworkMelon, but I see Twickster already toted that barge.

Ignorant, indeed.
mmm

11

Are you sure about that? A 2-5% success rate isn’t very good. A 10% success rate wouldn’t be very good. A 25% success rate wouldn’t be much better. It seems that AA doesn’t really effect whether a person is going to stay sober or not.

People in AA have the same success rate as those not in AA.

12

Whether or not your an alcoholic isn’t the issue, you clearly have issues.

Look at it this way, if you had chest pain you’d go to the doctor. You might have a heart condition or you might have a broken rib. But either way you’d go wouldn’t you?

A problem stated is half solved.

OK you stated it and now you have to solve it. This is the hard part.

Do you have insurance? If so see about getting some counseling. If you can’t afford it, go to your county website and look for the health dept. They usually have sliding fee clinics.

The thing is your in crisis mode and you don’t really think all that clearly when your in that mode.

IT DOESN’T MATTER, why you’re doing what you are doing. You need to stop.

It’s like having a heart attack and instead of fixing it, you’re debating whether it’s genetic or bad diet.

You need to get this fixed, THEN you go back and see why and take behaviours to prevent it from returning.

A lot of people are scared of counseling. They think they’ll find out something they don’t know. It doesn’t work that way. You will find you know the answer. It’s just getting to admit it to yourself. And this isn’t hard, because as you do, you’ll correct the behaviour and find your self-esteem going up and you actually start feeling GOOD again.

And in the end even if you don’t need counseling, it doesn’t hurt. It’s like going to a physican for a check up. Even if nothing is wrong, you’ll feel better knowing you went.

You’re not the first person to have a problem like this and you won’t be the last. The important thing is you recognized you need to change. But you don’t know where to start.

So start with some generalized counseling. They meet with you, take information, then they direct you to appropriate therapists.

Good look and congratulations you recognized you need to change, not enough people even get to that point

13

You also might want to check out SMART Recovery. The thing I liked about them is that it’s not an either/or with AA. Their attitude is “whatever works for you.” There seem to be a fair number of people on the site who do both, using SMART for its practical problem-solving approach and AA for its more spiritual approach.

14

in my opinion you are not an alcoholic, you said it your self it might be aggression probs, the fact that you can go without alcohol proves that. I can be the same way but i remain in control but once i start drinking i cant stop and that happens more often for me, I use to get out of control like you and have also been arrested because of it. Its a good thing when you see the cause and effect of the booze has on you so yeah stop drinking and see what happens. There is no problem with social drinking and if you know when to stop then that is also a good sign, so good luck and I hope you find the root of your problem

15

First and foremost, hope and plan for the best (anger management, AA) but plan for the worst. And that means that should you ever get drunk again, you can’t have a gun in your home. The odds of something going disastrously wrong by you falling off the wagon once a year are much, much larger then the odds of that gun saving your family in some hypothetical scenario where you are your family’s hero saving the day. Being a mean drunk, and firearms in the home: bad combo.

Also, when you don’t have a gun in your home, all other problems are more manageable. Your family can more easily take your car keys away from you if you aren’t armed, and they can more easily set the cops on you to pull you off the road when they can’t stop you from driving drunk. What is better, getting a DIU or living with yourself after killed someone by driving drunk?

Maastricht, who wrestled the car keys from her drunk mom and called the cops on her when she was 18.

Also, can’t you find some sport to let out your pent up agressive energy? Some martial art, boxing?

16

Sounds like you’ve got a lot to sort out. Good wishes finding your answers. It’s rarely a bad thing to ask for opinions.

In my experience alcoholics have problems of two natures: those which are alcohol related and those which are everyday living problems which everyone has.

Yes, the alcohol-related ones will disappear with a year or two of sobriety. The rest will remain and then you will have an answer to that question. It can be a lengthy process peeling the onion.

17

This is an odd thing about alcoholism. Many think that it involves how much, how often. To some extent it does. But the difference between a true alcoholic and and a problem drinker is that once a problem drinker realizes his problems are from drinking he doesn’t continue to add alcohol to his situation.

Alcoholics can quit cold turkey, sometimes for long periods of time, but always return to the use of alcohol in spite of the problems it causes them.

So, it’s not the amount of time you don’t drink that is the solution, but rather that you return to drinking that is the problem.

18

Moderators get to call posters assholes in MPSIMS now? Nice gig.

19

Congrats, twickster!

You must be one of the readers who didn’t miss the part about, "Rarely have we seen a person fail who has thoroughly followed our path."

Either that or you are not “constitutionally incapable of being honest with (yourself”) :smiley:

20

Owned.