Do what, though? What exactly and precisely would you have me do to change the fact that my brain is wired to distinguish between members of my own race more easily? I don’t see that I can change that wiring any more than I can change the wiring that causes me to cry easily. Feeling bad about myself for something I can’t change serves no useful purpose. Would you tell somebody who is mentally ill or developmentally challenged to feel bad about themselves for something they can’t change either?
Being AWARE of my propensity for confusing faces doesn’t mean I can magically snap my fingers and suddenly eliminate that difficulty.
Putting hurt feelings at the same level of importance as actual results of oppression is not going to move society closer. Trying to equate Samuel L Jackson’s annoyance at being mistaken with the injury suffered by somebody who lost a job or ended up in jail or was physically beaten and stomped for the color of their skin trivializes the latter. It makes it much easier to say, “oh, there’s no real racism anymore, it’s just those people whose tender delicate feelings got injured, so it’s okay to ignore their claims.” Who does that help?
Racism exists. Real people suffer real physical or economic or political injuries because of it. Blurring the lines and lumping those deliberately-inflicted injuries in with the accidental slights and annoyances removes focus from real problems.
I have to say, I just don’t get this. I suppose if you were a politician or a CEO and someone accused you of racist legislation or racist hiring practices, then yes, that’s a serious charge, and it would be very important to demonstrate that it wasn’t true. But as an average individual, if someone accused me of being racist, I’d say something like, “Gosh! I’m really sorry! I hope you can forgive me. I didn’t realize that was an offensive term/action/idea, but now that you’ve explained the history of it and/or your personal experiences with it, I totally understand, and I’ll do my best to be aware of that in the future.” And I would.
I mean, it’s not like you’re being accused of a crime. You’re being accused of rudeness, unfairness, causing offense. And the appropriate response is an apology. Racism isn’t always a single, lethal blow. Sometimes, it’s that thousandth cut. But either way, it’s damaging, and should be addressed accordingly.
we agree on that, an unfounded accusation should be challenged.
You seem to be assuming that an accusation of racism is automatically true. I don’t and I’m not in the habit of apologising for something I haven’t done.
If…If the accusation is true then an apology is warranted. But What if it is not true?
I know this will sound like I’m equivocating around the bush, but… “true” in what sense? “True” as in, “Yes, I truly meant to be racist,” or “true” as in, “truly hurtful”?
If the former, then I can’t see why you would apologize, and if the latter, I can’t see why you wouldn’t. You can be a good, caring, just person and still say and do things unintentionally that are racist (as well as sexist, classist, etc.). This might be because you said or did something without knowing that it often has a racist significance. Or it might be that you had never noticed that there was an implicit bias in this thing you say or do. Regardless, if you offend someone, you apologize for hurting them. You don’t need to defend your own honor. You don’t need to prove it wasn’t intentional. The act of apologizing will do that for you.
It’s like I teach my kid: when you hurt someone, the appropriate response is not, “I didn’t mean it!”, it’s “I’m sorry! Are you okay? I’ll try to be more careful!”
Fuck that. Sometimes people have absurdly thin skins and need to suck it up, without an apology. And other times people may be offended even though you’re in the right. Again, no apology is needed- they can stew in their own offendedness as far as I’m concerned.
Well, sure. I mean, I suppose there’s someone out there who would call you racist if you said “Good morning” to them or, say, pushed them out of the way of an oncoming bus. But even then, maybe apologize anyway? Because in that case, they’re likely insane and possibly dangerous, and it’s probably best to placate them until you can get away from them.
Otherwise, though, yeah: if I’ve hurt someone in any way, for any reason, I typically feel bad about that.
At work a few years ago, both I and one of the managers had shaved heads. One payday, the payroll lady handed me this manager’s paycheck. Unfortunately, I didn’t notice the mistake until I was back in my own building and had opened the envelope and noticed that the numbers were completely wrong.
It’s far easier to put my post in a box to which you already have a pat answer than to deal with it as written. It ain’t about making sure white people don’t feel bad. It’s about anti-racism:
not being the boy who cries wolf to which no one listens;
not making a mockery of itself to the point no one takes it seriously
not being so arbitrary that no one knows what they can and can’t do, so they just give up.
The definition of racism you were given above has nice clear, rational, morally justifiable lines.
You’re definition says “you’re pretty much always going to be a Bad Evil Racist, even though you don’t understand when, why or how you’ve done the wrong thing. So just grovel perpetually in atonement.”
Anyone with the tiniest grasp of human psychology would know your approach will never, ever work. Forget avoidance of making white people feel bad. It’s a matter of simple pragmatism. Your way ain’t going to work. People don’t work that way. Not now, not ever.
I understand your concern on this, a few years ago I ( White Male) was at a Jr High School basketball game, while make conversation with some fans from the other school ( Black Females) I mentioned that our Assistant Coach looks just like Whoopie Goldberg. The Coach was on far side of court and could not be seen very well at this time.
I got the response… Oh since she’s a black woman with dreds, she’s got to look just like Whoopie… I said , No she really looks like her… the reply, yeah I bet.
At half time during the shoot around, the coach came over to our side of the court… the reply then was… " Oh I see… she really does, sorry.
So until the coach came closer I was thought to be a " they all look alike to me person"