Every now and then I get a few moments of quiet reflection, at which point it eventually dawns on me that I have two kids. Not one, mind you. TWO. I mean I could explain one away as a happy “accident”, but I have two freakin’ children!
They must know I have no idea what I’m doing.
When they are adults complaining about their “asshole father who didn’t do this/that or the other thing”, I’M the asshole they will be complaining about!
Maybe you’ll be a great parent. They’ll still bitch about you though. It’s just the way it is.
I’m with ya, man. Mine’s driving now, and will surely forget all about me in short order.
So much has passed, so quickly. I had no idea what I was doing, and now its all too late.
Well, at least he can ski. 100% me. Maybe 30 years from now, he’ll look back someday while sitting on a ski lift and think about me.
Yeah, they become teenagers, or in my case, a young adult, and you know they roll their eyes sometimes, and probably bitch a little about you…and then one day you come home from work, and you’re tired and sore and they walk out of the kitchen and say, “I just made a pot of coffee, can I pour you some?” and you know you did Ok.
They just run rampant through your heart, then grow up and off to college with just a wave (so sad). Then, surprise, they keep coming back for money. Over and over. And over. They just run rampant through your bank account. They never really leave, do they?
Never mind. They are self-forming in a parallel universe with yours.
I’ve always felt very self conscious around kids, I know they can see right through me.
Not having had any kids (I was ever informed of) I’ll just sit back and grin. And say that almost every parent I know has felt the same at one time or another. And the rest, who deny so, are probably crazy.
That’s one of the great things about young kids. They can see right through you. They know if you are faking. If you handle it right and you have no evil intent they can be very fun to have around. If you are not too particular about cleanliness or scared to answer 1000 questions. It’s an adventure I am glad I participated in. Now on to grandkids!
I’m trying to avoid making the same mistakes my parents made. That way, when my kid decides he hates me, it’ll be because of my own *original *mistakes, damn it.
“Kids – They come out of your vagina and ruin your life.”
In my experience with my own two kids who are young adults now (JFC! When did that happen?!), and in my own words:
Kids --They don’t fucking listen and refuse to do what you want them to do, but they’ll do alright.
After doing a cost-benefit analysis, I’m surprised *anyone *has kids.
(Yes, I know there are emotional reasons, I was being mildly tongue-in-cheek.)
Heh, as a father of two daughters, 4 and 2, I have those same moments of reflection. I was slightly hesitant to have kids (which was weird, as when I was younger, like in my early 20s, my goal in life was to become a father; not right then and there, but eventually.) At any rate, I got used to the single, childless lifestyle then had my first daughter when I was 38. I won’t lie and say it was love at first sight like it is for a lot of parents – it was amazing, but I just didn’t get that euphoria and I felt a bit guilty about that for months after. And nobody prepared me for how goddamned boring infants are for the first six or so months.
But now, with two in the house, it’s just so normal and I cannot imagine my life without them, and I absolutely love them being in my life. And it’s weird to reflect on when I think of my years just before having them and even the first year of the first one where it was readjusting to a completely new lifestyle. And with the four year old, I think, okay, she’s four, so she’s past that childhood amnesia stage, so you’re forming permanent memories now, so don’t fuck up! (I’m not at all worried. Nobody knows what the heck they’re doing when they raise their kids, so it doesn’t really stress me out. If they can do it, so can I.)
Just remember: You’re the result of billions of previous generations who have all managed to produce offspring and lead them to adulthood. If all of them were able to manage it, then you can, too.
They should come from the stork (;)) with care and laundry labels attached to them.
But, alas we are stuck blowing in the wind on how to do this all important job. I was able to lean on grandparents and siblings who had raised children. That was a big help. A good pediatrician was a god send.
Interesting. Our kids are about the same age and I’m only a few years older. I feel like I fell in love with my kids right away. Although with the first one, I was a bit terrified about what to do with him.
But I have to admit that the daily grind of dealing with them causes me a bit of frustration.
I remember this moment when I was 26 (engaged and no kids) and walking down the hallway at work and it hit me that at my age, my mom was married, pregnant with me and had a 5 year old. My first thought was, “oh my god, I would have no idea what I was doing! I don’t know what I’m doing now and just hope I’m not fucking up too badly!”
My second thought was, “oh my god, she had no idea what she was doing, either! No one does!” It instantly made me feel a bit more bonded to my parents as people, as opposed to as my parents.
I’m sure you’re doing juuuust fine.
My advice - write some things down now that you find particularly interesting, awesome (in all senses), cute, or funny. I tried and I’m glad I did. It’s so easy to forget things when they’re little. They’re all consuming, and it just passes so quickly. Now I look back, and it’s a blur.
It is amazing to think that these little people came from you. Here they are, running around, discovering, doing, thinking, dreaming, entirely separate, but still a part of you. It’s one of life’s mystical experiences. Then some poop on the walls will bring you right back down to earth.
Yeah, and that’s what made me feel guilty and bad for the first year, or first six months. I was expecting to feel something different, since your reaction seems to be the norm for most parents (or most parents who talk about it.) For me, the reaction, was more like, cool, oh shit, now what, but not that deep, immediate love, and I tend to be on the emotional side. So it really caught me off-guard.
See, that part I’m absolutely fine with. Sure, some days are more frustrating than others, but I find it pretty easy overall, knock on wood. I was a bit terrified with the second one, when my friends with two or more kids told me it gets harder, because there’s more of them, but I’ve actually found the second one much easier because I knew what to expect and now they have each other to entertain themselves (though my first daughter is a very independent sort, so did not require a lot of constant attention as an infant.) “Wait till they become teenagers,” I know they say.
I think this is common. A lot of parents expect that they will love their baby unconditionally, but in reality for a lot of people it takes time. When I saw my daughter, my reaction was, “whelp, there’s my baby.” Intellectually, I knew she was my kid, and I was prepared on a gut level to do almost anything for her, but I didn’t love her as a person. The next several months were very difficult (have you ever been shit upon while cleaning up shit and trying to change a diaper? The sleep deprivation is unimaginable. I would have confessed to anything for sleep.) At times, she felt like a demon sent to torture me. Still, by all that’s holy, she was MY BABY. I didn’t really fall in the love with her until she started recognizing me and started interacted me with beyond “booby! Booby now!”
Yep, that teen thing will tear you a new one. My oldest was an easy going teen, but my middle daughter( whew!) was my rebel. I couldn’t do anything right. But, we got through it and you will too. ‘It’s only temporary’ is your mantra.