I think my friend is really crazy.

In My Humble Opinion
1

I have a friend, who I think has some serious mental problems. She’s 15.

She is a compulsive liar, in fact, she has cried just to make us (her friends) believe her lies. Not that we wouldnt have believed her anyway, because that incident was actually a lie about something pretty serious. She then went on to provide no explanation for her lies and no apology, her exact words were “I don’t care Rob, fuck you.” With 4 of our friends watching and listening.

She has been obsessed with one of my close friends for about 8 months (that I am aware of) during this time he has done nothing but reject her, make fun of her, and occasionally fool around with her, only to go on not speaking to her the next day. (Not that I blame him for any of this)
She also claims to like various other guys but she refuses to go out with them because of said close friend.

She continues to display anti-social behavior in public, occasionally yelling things at people who we don’t know for no apparent reason. It’s getting to the point where it’s embarassing to be with her.

She also has no sense of reason sometimes. Such as, she wants to eat some of said friend’s food that he is keeping in the refrigerator, he happens to be sleeping, her reasoning is: that he wont care, BECAUSE HE IS SLEEPING. Now maybe I’m misunderstanding , but isn’t the point that the food wont be there when he wakes up?

She frequently “threatens” to leave whoever’s house we are at, saying that she’ll go home, this is a daily occurence, yet she has actaully gone home only once, and not after lingering outside talking to people on her cell phone for half an hour.

She is very negative about her appearance when she is in fact, somewhat attractive, certainly not ugly. (I do realize for this point that most girls her age are like this, but still) It gets to the point though where she hates and actually seeks to physically harm girls who she deems more attractive than her, see my next point for more on this.

Despite the fact that she weighs about 100 pounds, she thinks she can fight and beat the crap out of anybody, including guys. Without suffering any legal recourse, which we have told her about and to which she replies: I dont care, I’ll get sued or go to jail.

Despite these things and various other things we all care about her and even want to help her somehow, but everytime we mention something she gets defensive.
(And yes, she is the pool pooping suspect, read my post 4th down)

My question to you is, what can I do?
Maybe somebody has had experience with a friend who lies compulsively or who has any of these problems? Should we just cut our loses and stop trying ? Let her stay home ? Or put up with her company? Am I just being mean in accusing her of having real problems that could just be part of a phase?

P.S. I’m going camping for a few days so I apologize in advance for not answering any questions until wendsday.

P.S.S. Hey it’s my 100th post!

P.S.S.S. When I say “we” I’m refering to our group , usually 6 to 15 people large, ages ranging from 14 to 18.

2

People of age 15 often do all sorts of strange things without being actually insane.

3

Nuff said mr bean!

4

Well you have certainly thought a lot about her behavior and clearly explained what seems disburbing about it. And from what you say, I would agree that she is in need of some counseling. Do you go to the same school? Perhaps there is someone at school who can help intervene, a good guidance counselor, assistant principal, school nurse, teacher, etc. that you can communicate with. Also, what’s her family like? Maybe you can broach the subject with them (but if they’re like her then this might not be helpful). Does your town have some kind of “teen drop-in center” or something like that? Maybe there is someone there who can help.

Of course, in the end, it is this friend who has to recognize that she needs some counseling. You cannot force her into it, you have to figure out how to persuade her, or have someone else persuade her, 1) that she needs it, and 2) how to find a therapist, etc.

Good luck, I hope you can find someone to help.

5

She probably has low self esteem for some reason. It could be from a bad family situation, a bad relationship she’s had, or it may just be her. But in either case, she does need to recognize the problem and admit it before any changes can be made. You may want to consider talking to a counselor and just using the “I have a friend who…” description to describe the things she’s doing and try to figure out what she’s going through. You definitely should not just submit her name in to get help as that could ruin a friendship if she doesn’t want help at this time. You may also consider, at some point, talking to her in private and trying to figure out what is causing this. I really don’t have any good advice for approaching this topic though.

Good luck though, and hopefully you can help her.

6

I’ve had problems like that in the past with worrisome friends, and I can tell you that I found the school counselors to be highly helpful. Rata has some good advice: drop in to your counselor’s office (a woman would likely be easier to talk to, IMHO) and simply seek help for YOURSELF in dealing with your friend’s behavior. I assure you, they’ve seen hundreds of cases similar to yours and could give you a new perspective on the issue if nothing else. I wouldn’t advise dragging your friend to the counselor, as that could swiftly make her resentful and make life harder for everyone.

It sounds like your friend is simply looking for some validation of her worth. It is not generally fun to be around such people, I know. But a few well-placed compliments could make her feel better about herself as well as make you the good guy.

I hope you can find a way to get this gal to loosen up-- good luck!

7

I think you should try to have an honest talk with her about her behaviour… see if she even understands what she’s doing. You might make it clear to her that her behaviour is going to start costing her friends if she doesn’t make an effort to get along better with the group. Otherwise if you stop inviting her along, she may assume it’s for the wrong reasons and just get even worse. (Esp. if she has a self-esteem problem.) If you do talk to her, I think asking if she’d like you to help her seek some counseling is probably a good idea if you think she’ll take it well. (Not over-react and punch you in the face or something.)

I was a pretty obnoxious 15 year old myself, and one of the things about that, especially if she feels she has no close friends, is that you never realize how obnoxious you’re being until someone tells you, or in retrospect. If you can reach her and help her talk to you or someone else, that would be good. If not, at least you tried. (Assuming you want to help her to begin with.)

Speaking from my own experience, the compulsive lying is the most worrisome part of the whole thing to me.

8

Sometimes when people say they have a “friend”, they are really talking about themselves. Do you have something to want to talk to us about?

9

My question is why don’t you stop being friends with this person that is causing you so much distress. Don’t tell her you don’t like her unless she asks. Never help her and when she threatens to go home help her pack her things to leave.

If that doesn’t work get a diary and write all the things about her that you don’t like and look at it a month or so later and see how much of it still is true. It may be insightful for you.

10

Your “close friend” is an asshole and certainly isn’t helping her self-esteem/emotional issues. Tell him to leave her alone.