I was friend with this girl when I was in college. We were both transfer students and met during orientation. She seemed nice and cool first and we ended up becoming roommates for a whole year and half. This was the most traumatic experience of my life, no exaggeration. She has severe anxiety (panic disorder), mild depression and a bunch of other shit. I was very sympathetic in the beginning and tried to support her through her crisis. Things just got out of control and I hated my life. Every day I went home from school, she started complaining about her workload and everything. All she talked about was school and work. She’d text me her paper promts/outlines, her readings, her interaction with her professors, which drove me nuts. It was extremely emotionally draining and at one point, I had to see a psychologist because it was too depressing. She’d cry and freak out every night before her paper was due, and it was the last thing that I wanted to experience/see when I was also busy with my stuff. I was her only friend pretty much and I knew she was so fragile that I didn’t want to hurt her. I just sucked it up and ABSOLUTELY HATED it. After we graduated, she’s been texting me crazy shit that’s driving me up the wall. I’d wake up one morning and see a long text filling out my entire phone screen about this book she’s reading, the article that she’s writing for her job, her practice exam scores, her interaction with some random scholars. I honestly don’t know how to deal with it. It’s been a traumatic experience to be friends with her. Yet, I don’t want to hurt her feelings. I feel like if I told her straight up that I couldn’t put up with her and stop texting me, she’d be so hurt that she might kill herself. She’s also a nice and good-hearted person without any question. I’d feel horrible for hurting her. But if I don’t get rid of this friend, my life quality is largely compromised. Someone help me please!!
How is she your friend in any way? Really, what does she do in the friendship way?
You’re not still living with her, are you?
You will have to hurt her. If you know her family you might give them a heads up but other than that you will have to drop her like a hot potato for your own mental health and sanity.
Yeah, I agree. You’re letting her have way too much space in your head. She might be a nice person, but you’re not responsible for her. Agree with Anaamika about maybe giving her family a heads-up if you know them, but other than that, just tell her as gently as possible that you can’t be her emotional dumping ground any longer because it’s negatively affecting your own life. Then just stop responding to her. Delete her texts/emails without reading them. She’ll get the picture eventually.
I know it sounds cruel (I don’t like to hurt people’s feelings either) but think of the effect she’s having on your feelings. And like Anaamika said–it doesn’t sound like she’s bringing anything positive for you to the relationship.
I understand you. What you have to realize is that she’s not being a good friend to you. She’s trying to create a codependent relationship (maybe not consciously) where she gets to demand more and more of you and you give in to “be nice”.
You will have to hurt her to get out.
You do need to leave in order to keep yourself healthy.
Try and do it gently but once it’s done, it’s done. Set strict boundaries. You may want to go all the way and block her in every way - email, text, phone, facebook, etc. If you don’t you may find yourself slipping back to letting her have her way again. You have to be strict. She is not your responsibility. Friends should not feel like a burden 24/7 or they are not friends.
If, by some whackadoodle chance, she says she will kill herself straight to you, tell her you can’t continue the call and you are going to call the police. Then call the police immediately and tell them where she is. At that point she is either bluffing for attention (a cruel thing to say but sometimes true) and needs a wake-up call, or she is serious and she needs help immediately. Either way the police are the best solution.
Thanks a lot for the response. No, I don’t live with her anymore. In fact, we are in different states and don’t see each other any more. Yet, I get her texts at least 3 times a day, most of which are just endless ranting or about stuff that I don’t give a shit about. We were friends before because she was able to hold her emotions in reasonably. We used to have good times on occasion. She absolutely cares about me, which I know without any doubt. She’d be a great friend if she didn’t have all those mental problems. But yet, she doesn’t get it that people just don’t text each other every detail of their lives and put their anxieties on others too often. I think I will think about it- to see how I can make myself clear without hurting her too much. Yes, getting in touch with the family would be nice, but her family situation is complicated and I’m just gonna have to tell her I guess. Thanks a lot for the responses. I needed people to back me up in this decision. 
If all she does is text you, why not just block her texts? Do you respond to them now, or just read them? If you just read them it’ll take her a while to figure out that you’re not getting them, and if you normally respond and she asks you why you’ve stopped, then you can tell her the truth if you want or just say “Sorry, have you been texting me? I haven’t been receiving them.” Which is true.
Block her number. And arrange never to see or speak to her again. You have permission to take care of yourself.
Did you ever consider that she’s not the only one with a psychological problem? You are a 100% enabler for this for years now. Per your OP you have put your mental health at risk for this loon despite the agony of her behavior. That you let this go on is mind boggling. Honestly, you sound vaguely masochistic for letting this go on for years.
Re
This rationalization is abject, blithering nonsense. It’s like you are looking for permission to continue getting dumped on and punished. At some point you need to say “No more texts”. You are not her keeper, unless you can make that distinction as an adult woman nothing will change.
One of the hardest things to do in this life is to let go of people. Remember, you aren’t saying that this person is a bad person. You are simply acknowledging that you don’t want your life entangled with theirs. This person may or may not come to understand the reasoning behind your decision. That’s not important. What is important is that you don’t lose sight of the life you desire. Keep working hard, and believe that you deserve better.
:rolleyes:
She probably isn’t doing it on purpose, but she does still need to take responsibility for herself and if you keep on indulging her unacceptable behaviour you’re not helping her to do that and it is fairly clear from what you’ve said her behaviour isn’t acceptable. My opinion is as others have said, get yourself out of this situation for your own sake.
If you really want to help her (I think I throw this out there as a suggestion, because actually doing this is a lot more difficult that it sounds), you may want to be honest, tell her that her behaviour isn’t acceptable and that she needs to take responsibility herself for the problems that she brings to you and for her depression and anxiety, not because you don’t care, but because that is the only way that any of these problems will be solved. Don’t be needlessly nasty because it will confuse the message, but be firm. This may well upset her a lot and she may not take it very well, but in long run knowing why something is a problem will help her avoid it in the future. Unfortunately the problem probably is that there is such much noise from useless depressive and anxious thoughts in her head that it drowns out the useful thoughts and what should be obvious (i.e. it is not acceptable to go around behaving in the way she does and that she needs to take responsibility for what she does) isn’t.
I have a friend who used to call me all the time, and blather on and on about friends of hers, who I didn’t know, and basically complain about her life on a constant basis. And always, the same complaints over and over (her job, her weight, etc.). It got where I wouldn’t answer her calls because I couldn’t confront her about this. At one point I did tell her in an email that I knew she liked to talk but that I was different and preferred to email. I am also a very quiet person and just don’t share a lot about myself, whereas she over-shares. She’s full of “you should do this” or “you should do that”, offering unsolicited advice to everyone.
Several times over the years I’ve told myself that I need to distance myself from her, for my emotional well-being, but I haven’t wanted to hurt her feelings.
Finally I think the last straw has just naturally happened the last time we went out. I’d just been through a major depressive episode and was getting my meds straightened out, and was trying to explain some of my feelings to her (keep in mind I don’t talk about myself very much). When I said I was crying over EVERYTHING, she said “I cry all the time too.” She also started talking about a mutual friends’ husband (they are really her friends, I only know them through her) job and how he may be out of work soon; she knows - because she and I work at the same company - that my job is temporary and in about a month I will probably be looking for a new job, yet she is yammering on about B soon looking for a job! I don’t care! I’m concerned about my depression and my job-seeking. There were other things in the space of about 10 minutes that confirmed what I’ve known for years, that she is self-centered and not going to change. My response to this get together was to just look down at my food and then said I needed to go home (she wanted to go shopping afterwards). I haven’t heard from her since then, thank goodness, other than for me to text her that I was, indeed, not going to be picked up for full-time employment and would be out of a job at the end of this month.
Anyway, long story short, I stuck with her for far longer than I meant to because of comparison - she was a better friend than a certain other friend. This certain other friend would constantly make plans with me, then back out of them at the last minute. At least this first friend was very reliable.
That’s not a good enough reason to keep someone as a friend - that they’re reliable. There also has to be give and take, not just take.
I’m going to give this “friendship” up.
I’d suggest maybe telling her you don’t have the time to read her texts, and suggesting she get help (if she isn’t already.)
While he said it unduly harsh, it is the truth that the OP has been enabling in some way. That’s not a criticism, we all do it. 
I’ve been an enabler too, but I finally managed to let go. They must fend for themselves.
Biggest thing I learned as an adult - it’s all right to be selfish. It’s all right to say no.
Just straight up tell her that your not her therapist and you can’t deal with her complaining all the time cause you have your own stuff to deal with. Worked with a friend of mine.
Many people worry all the time about not being “nice” or being “impolite”. You are not being rude or unkind by taking care of yourself.