I Think My Great-Grandma Is Going To Die Very Soon

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
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My great-grandmother has been in the hospital for a couple of days now. Her kidneys failed.

When she went in, she was dehydrated, so the doctors started pushing fluids & stuff, hoping that doing so would kick-start her kidneys in to working on their own. That didn’t work. They’ve given her medicine as well, and that’s not working either. She’s producing urine, but her kidneys are just not working on their own.

The next step is dialysis.

Now, here’s the hard part. My great-grandma is 97 years old. She is in full control of her mental faculties, and this is a decision she has to make on her own, and she has to make it by tomorrow. I just visited her this afternoon, and she’s the one that told me. She also asked me what I would do.

Part of me wanted to tell her to go for it. The emotional, I-love-my-grandma-and-don’t-ever-want-her-to-die part. But the grown-up, practical part of me wanted to say “no, Grandma. Don’t do it.” She’s 97, for Pete’s sake. Dialysis is not easy. So I told her that she needed to talk to her doctors, get all the information she could, and we would support her no matter what decision she made.

I’ve had a great-grandma for 33 years. I am so damn lucky I can’t believe it. Not only that, but now I own the house that she and my great-grandpa (who died in 1988–Goddess, I am lucky!) bought new in 1928. I don’t want her to go. But honestly, I’ve been preparing myself for it ever since my great-grandpa died.

Regardless of what she chooses, I don’t think she’ll be around much longer. But at least my kids got to see her & know her. I’m sure my son won’t remember her at all, but my older daughter (she’s 12) certainly will, and my younger daughter might. My stepson, too, as well as my husband, who never got to know his own grandparents. I’m so glad I had the opportunity to share my grandma with him.

Who knows? Maybe she’ll choose dialysis and it’ll work, and she’ll be around another few years. Maybe not. All I know is that I love her, and I will support her, no matter what she chooses.

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And I can’t believe I forgot to say thanks to xploder and his family. They’ve been tremendously supportive, and his daughters have been babysitting for my kids like crazy this week!

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Your not alone, remember that. It helps to talk to someone, or post it, just to have someone hear it. I’ll be hoping for a good outcome here. Keep us updated.

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Keep us posted, we are keeping you in our prayers.

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Dialysis is a pain, and fairly invasive, but it isn’t like major surgery. She could live a long time still, with the dialysis. Is she really ready to leave? Sounds to me like she’s uncertain.

I hope she’s had a full life, and I’m sure her memory and spirit will live on.

Best to you.

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Persephone, I am so sorry. I’d feel bad for anyone who posted this, but having met you recently, it’s even more “real.” I hope that you can be at peace with whatever decision she makes.

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{{{{{{{{{{{{Persephone’s Great-Grandma}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}
((((((((((((Persephone and family}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

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I don’t know what to say, Cristi. I am so sorry that you are going through this. I know you said that you are somewhat prepared but I know it is hard. I will be keeping you and your family in my thoughts. You are so very lucky to have had this wonderful woman in your life and the lives of your children for so very long. She is truly a blessing from the Goddess!

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No need to say thanks Cristi…you should know by now that we’ll do whatever we can for you and yours. Take care and gimme a call if needed.

Bill and Beth

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Cristi, Let your great grandma make the decision and in the meantime you and the rest of the family just lay the lovin on her.

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Oh, that she has.

My great-grandma (from this point forward referred to as GG) had one child, my Grandma Beth (GB), who died last November. GB, throughout her life, married three times, and had six children of her own. GB’s third marriage was to a widower with 5 children, all still in school, and only TWO of her own children were grown & out on their own. So GB, who was an only child, raised 11 kids.

So, GG literally founded a dynasty. GG’s one child gave her 11 grandchildren, 23 great-grandchildren, and 9 great-great grandchildren, with one on the way.

Her family is her life. Oh, she’s seen the entire century, and all the good and bad that’s happened. But her life has always revolved around us. And right in the middle of typing this, I just realized how truly amazing this is. I think I need to lie down!

GG is “family values” personified. Now, my mom & her brothers & sisters didn’t have it all that easy growing up, but they gained a powerful sense of family. They have raised strong, smart, successful children themselves, and it’s because of GG. It all came from her.

So yes, she’s had a full life. And in a way, she’s ready to let it go. The only thing that’s really stopping her is us. Not because we’re telling her that we don’t want her to do it, mind you. It’s because she loves us and doesn’t want to leave us. I understand that line of reasoning. I’d eat broken glass for any single member of my family, and I get that from her.

Thanks for the support, my friends. I’m going back up to visit her today, and I’ll let you know what she’s decided to do, if anything. I spoke with her pastor yesterday, and he’s going up to visit her today, to try & help her any way he can, too. He’s a very, very nice man, and I know that talking to him will help her out tremendously.

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Thats wonderful that you have a great grandma and have been able to experience so many things with her. I really never knew any of my grandparents when they were healthy…

I can’t imagine trying to make the choice she has to make and I could understand her wanting someone elses opinion. There is no way I myself would be able to advise her if I were in your position though…

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She sounds like a great gal, Cristi. Here’s wishing the best to your great grandma (and you and your family).

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Aw, Cristi. I’m sorry you and your gg are going through this. It’s never easy, even when you can take some solace that’s she’s had an amazing 97-year experience on this earth.

Just hope for the best. I’m sending positive thoughts to you both.

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Hope everything works out, Perse.

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I’m very sorry, Persephone. You, your great-grandmother, and your family have my best wishes.

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One of the hardest parts of life is saying good-bye to those we love and hold dear. I hope that everything works out for you and yours. I am glad that she is able to make this decision on her own, leaving no guilt feelings for those who love her. It’s hard to make those kinds of decisions because we do love them. My prayers are with you and your family as you go through this time. Whatever the outcome, I wish you peace and contentment with you great-grandma.

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All our prayers and hopes, Cristi. Dona nobis pacem

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Well, I just got back from visiting her, and things are actually a little better than we’d hoped.

The medication that she’s been given to help her produce urine is working, and her heartbeat has stabilized (it was a bit irregular, and that worried the doctors as well). So, she doesn’t have to make quite the snap decision that the kidney doctor said she had to (personally, I think he was just trying to bully her, but that’s another thread, maybe in the Pit). If the medication keeps working, they may be moving her from ICU (where she’s been all this time) to a regular room, and prep her for leaving. She’s on a catheter, IV’s, and monitors, so they’ve got to untangle all the freakin’ wiring before she can do anything! Then they’ll probably keep her for a couple more days, to see if her kidneys do their job on their own. If they don’t, well…she’s pretty much decided that she does not want the dialysis.

Several years ago, my dad’s father was suffering from cancer. He had battled it for years, and finally, he decided that he wasn’t going to do it anymore. He was getting his nutrients from a tube, not food. He was in great pain, and his weight had dropped to about 85 pounds. He decided he wanted the feeding tube removed. He discussed it with my grandmother, my aunt, my dad, and his Hospice nurse, and they all agreed to support his choice. He died the day after the tube was removed. I could not fault his choice then, nor do I fault my great-grandma’s choice now.

There just comes a time when you have leave it up to the patient, especially when they can make the choice. I understand that doctors want to save the lives of their patients, but you’ve got to take all the factors into account. If she were my age, in my situation, hell yes go for the dialysis. But she’s not. She doesn’t have to, and in this case, she probably shouldn’t.

If her kidneys don’t start up on their own, and she has to make that choice, I doubt she’ll have time to get to a hospice, which is where I would love to have her go. But the staff at this hospital is great, so I know that my great-grandma will not die alone. She’ll be surrounded by her family, just like my grandma and my father-in-law were.

One more quick plea, then I’ll end this long post–support your local Hospice. Those organizations and the people that work for them are angels, and I cannot say enough good things about them.

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My thoughts are with you and yours.

Big hug,
Byz