In loving memory...

I told myself I wasn’t going to do this, but here goes.

My grandmother is going to die in a week. There, I said it.

Granny has been a diabetic for upteen years, and more recently has had almost full kidney failure. So she takes diabetic drugs (not sure what, but its not insulin) and has dialysis treatments three times a week. I guess I should say that she USED to do those things. Yesterday afternoon of clear mind signed papers stating that she did not want to have these treatments continue. Her doctors warned her that she would die within a week if she did not continue.

She didn’t care.

You see my Granny is tired. She is tired of the pain of the treatments. Tired of dealing with a hip that was broken. Tired of dealing with the pain in her legs and feet from the diabeties. Tired of being blind. She’s just tired, and wants to die.

I respect her wishes. I want her to be free of the pain. I want her to see Paw and be happy again. But why am I being so selfish?

Today, my wife and I went to see her. My mother had warned me that she was a little loopy (some screaming for God to come take her, incoherent at times, etc.) so be warned. I steeled myself over the last 24 hours before we went. Hard face, no emotion. I need to say my goodbyes, and she needs to say hers, but neither one of us got what we wanted.

Granny was asleep when we arrived. I pulled a chair to the side of the bed and sat down. We awoke her gently, and I grabbed her hand. I can remember as a child sitting there holding her old, wrinkly hands asking her to tell me stories about far off places. Watching the red birds eat the figs outside of her bedroom window. Hugging me when I had a hard day at school. Pouring me a glass of Tropical Punch Kool Aid during the endless summers. Those hands of her’s have raised 3 kids, and 2 grandkids (my brother and I). Needless to say, me and those hands have a history.

She still could remember who we were, and knew what we were there for. I even saw her smile slightly as she heard my name. Then she started raving. “God take me now! Lord take me home. I am ready to go home. Take me now God. Robert let me go to God. Let me go Robert. Let me go. Let me go…” She had never been like this. I have never, ever seen her like this. Totally wrong for her.

I stayed together primarly by dropping every emotion. I was a complete and total Vulcan in there. After a few minutes of raving, I stood up, and grasped both her hands. I kissed her forehead lightly and said “I love you, Granny. Goodbye. Go to God.”

She said in almost total clarity “I love you too” and started raving again. I left her and walked out to the car waiting on my wife and mother to finish their goodbyes. I broke down in the parking lot of the hospital, and I haven’t stopped crying since. It just won’t stop. Even though tears are not coming out anymore, and the sobs are hurting my chest.

It seems like when you lose a loved one suddenly it hurts. I know, my grandfather died suddenly. Granny chose this course of action, and she is dying slowly and painfully. At least I said goodbye.

And selfish old me is dying on the inside. As I close this out and hit Submit Thread I am sitting alone in front of my comptuer crying like someone who has lost a piece of his soul.

I just want her pain to end.

Mine’s not going to end for a long, long time.

oh rob
{{{{{rob and the gruver family}}}}}
Any time you need to chat, we’re all here for you.
{{{{{rob’s granny}}}}}

{{{Rob and family}}}

My thoughts are with you.

I can’t think of anything else to say.


Be strong Rob…keep her alive in your memory. Our thoughts are with you.

My prayers are with you Rob.

She knows how much you love her and you know the same in return.

I’m getting teary.
You are truly blessed to have had someone like your Gran in your life. Try to remember that.
She gave you so much more than she knew.
And you are a wonderful grandson to have recognised the influence she had on you.
Yes, you will mourn her passing, but remember to celebrate her spirit.
She would want it that way. But you know that.

I raise my glass of Kool-Aid to you and your family.

robgruver, I wish you and your family comfort during this incredibly difficult time. You are not being selfish in wanting her to be around. It’s the hardest thing in the world to let go of someone you love.

I wish you peace.


You and your Granny are in my thoughts, Rob.

Damn, Rob. How terrible to have to witness that, and what’s more: how terrible for your grandmother to have to go through this, dying in so much pain.
I don’t want to turn this into a debate. I really don’t. But dammit! Your grandmother is a perfect example of why civilised coutries ought to legalise euthanasia.

There, I’ve said it. I’m sure some will strongly disagree with me. But trust someone who’s been there: no ideology or religion can justify the pain of someone that wants to die, but can’t - yet. It’s excrutiating for the patient, and certainly for the direct family and friends as well.

Forgive me Rob. If you think it’s inappropriate, just tell me flat out - I’ll delete it.
I wish you strength, man. I hope your grandmother will be able to leave you quickly - and with as little pain as possible.


{{{{{rob and family}}}}}

I want to thank everyone for posting your thoughts and prayers. I didn’t really want this to turn into a sympathy post, but more of a tribute to a woman who was the largest influance in my life. I do appreciate everyone’s love and admiration and should be a prime example of why I (among others) spend so much time at this board.

I love you all.

I couldn’t agree more. As a matter of fact I said that to my wife and mother as we were leaving the hospital. No need to delete anything, but if anyone wants to debate this, it should prolly go into GD.

I just dread/hope for the phone call telling me she is gone. I just hope I have the strength to make it through this. I am dying inside. Even though I will not kill myself, I wish I could die just to stop the pain…

Rob, dearest.

My heart goes out to you, and you and your family have my prayers coming your way.

Your gramma has made her decision, and it is most likely the best one for her. But it doesn’t mean that it is the best one for you.

Losing someone you love, even if it is the best thing for them, is never easy for the loved ones left behind.

No matter how much you understand her decision, you are still left with a hole in your heart.

I am so sorry. I understand. I send you my love. I wish there was more I could do, but I know there isn’t. This is something that you are going to have to go through alone, even though people will want to help you.

Grieve the way you need to, honey. It may not be the way other people think you should, so be prepared for that. They are only trying to give you what they think you need. Forgive them, and try to understand.

I’m so sorry.

Much Love,


Oh my, rob :frowning: :frowning:


Nothing I could say would ease your pain. None the less, I’m so sorry. I can’t imagine. :frowning: {{Rob}}

Rob, my thoughts are with your grandmother, you and your family. As has been said – keep strong, have far more good memories than bad.

I’m so very sorry that such a wonderful woman as your gran has to suffer so before the end.

Coldfire: I agree.

robgruver, my condolences to you. Your family will be in my thoughts and prayers.

You are handling a difficult situation with class and dignity. (I should be so fortunate when faced with a similar situation.) I am sure your grandmother is very proud of you.

{{{{{Rob and family}}}}}

Oh rob, what a sad, hard time for you and your family. My thought go out to you.

Take care of yourself.


((((rob & family))))

I wish I didn’t, but I know how you feel. I’ve had loved ones make the choice on their own to stop treatment, and leave this world with some dignity. As much as you sometimes want to say “No! Don’t leave me, I don’t want you to,” you have to let them make the choice, as long as they are able. And it hurts. Oh man, does it hurt, like nothing else.

I will light a candle for you tonight, friend Rob, and ask the Goddess to help you through this hard time.

Much love, Cristi