[slappity slap slap]
Oh Nicky are you all right?
[slappity slap slap]
Oh Nicky are you all right?
[slappity slap slap]
Uh … uh … yes, Nancy, I’m all right.
THEN STOP SLAPPING ME!
Hi friends, Ralph Spoilsport, Ralph Spoilsport Motors the world’s largest used new and new used automobile dealership in the beautiful city of Emphysema.
Let’s just take a look at some of the features on this fabulous new car. Wire wheel, sneeze through star studded mud guards, chrome fender dents and factory air conditioned air from our fully factory equipped, air conditioned factory.
It’s a beautiful car friends, with doors to match. Birch’s blacklist say this automobile should have been stolen but for you, the complete price, only two thousand FIVE HUNDRED dollars in easy monthly payments, no money down and never on a Sunday.
Hi friends Ralph Spoilsport, owner and operator of the world’s largest dealership west of Baalbek. As usual we’re overdosed again with all tastes and kilos. Let’s just take a taste of some of this fabulous Yucatan Blue scored for you from the sky blue waters of that fabulous Mexican bay. Wine soaked and sugar cured, completely clean for your smoking enjoyment, the complete price to you, only two thousand FIVE HUNDRED dollars in easy monthly sentences of year-to-life, delivered to me, Ralph Icebag, in a brown paper bag by a brown shoed square at the back of the bus in the dead of night.
“Those are the headlines, now the rumors behind the news…”
P! E! PEP! Moooooorrrrreee PEP PILLS! PEP PILLS! PEP PILLS! PEP PILLS! peppillspeppillspeppills PEP PILLS!!!
“Big light in sky slated to appear in east…”
“Can you get Duluth on it?”
“Duluth? You can get Teira del Fuego!”
and now, back to the freeway, which is already in progress!
I love you guys, but please, for the unenlightened…
What the Hell are you all talking about? Please?
:::headache coming on:::
I know, let’s stand him on his head!
(thump)
Aawh, he’s no fun. He fell right over…
Do you have the key?
No, only half a key, I had to split it with the sound effects man…
Gazelle –
We’re going to have to send you to Principal Poop for that little outburst!
Firesign Theatre’s a comedy troop with several albums over a 30-year period. Very absurd – you need to listen to an entire album side to get it. Maybe have an altered state of consciousness to really appreciate it:
http://www.firesigntheatre.com/index.html?f=n
Yes you can find the cuts online – but they’re 30+ minutes long.
All hail Marx and Lennon!
http://www.whyaduck.com/cards/all-hail.jpg
“Wait a minute, didn’t I say that on the other side of the record? I’d better check.”
…
“It’s all right, they’re speaking Chinese.”
Police State, Police State, Police State!
Help, it’s the police!
And, prophetic as usual…
“The President of the United States is named Schickelgruber”
Every key you punch, every bite of lunch, we’ll be watching you!
Note for Apple users: you can download the entire album Don’t Crush That Dwarf, Hand Me The Pliers from the Apple Music Store for $1.98. Much cheaper than getting it from Amazon!
And now the obligatory quotes:
“I’m back from ancient Greece! And I have proof, just look at this grape!”
“I wouldn’t say he sucks, but he certainly inhales deeply.”
“And he came, and he came unto the house of his mother’s brother’s servant saying, ‘Where am I?’ And there was none there to answer him, not even no one saying, ‘nowhere’, yea, but in the land of reversible cups and sanitary pedestals. And he lay in that land a long time…”
OMG this thread is such a flashback-All Hail Marx and Lennon was a gift 30+ years ago!
I’m still searching for the phone number of Betty Jo Bialoski.
“He is a prince” the minstrels sing.
“Among men yes.
Among fools he is a king.”
He said ruthlessly.
Antelope Freeway, one mile…
“How long have they been gone Sarge?”
“Since Oh-one-hundred.”
"Geez…that’s almost two-thousand years!
“but…but this is a bag of SHIT!”
“But its really GOOD shit Mrs. Johnson!”
“Do you have a key?”
“No, I have half a key, I had to split it with a sounds effects man”
“Not available in sectors G and M”
“If you push something hard enough, it will fall over- Fudd’s first law of Opposition.”
“Will Mr. Uh-Clem please report to the hospitlaity suite?”
Antelope Freeway, one-half mile…
Antelope Freeway … one-quarter mile
If lived here you’d be home by now.
The sun’s not going down, the horizon’s going up!
Let’s stand him on his head.
You see, now it’s morning!
Antelope Freeway … one-eighth mile
Antelope Freeway … one-sixteenth mile
Clean up Armenia! Get a harelip!