It’s not a very good joke I’m afriad. As a matter of fact, it’s downright terrible. Thing is, it’s been stuck in my head all day long, and I can’t put up with it anymore. I must release it, and allow it to spread, if I am to save myself. Forgive me world!
(Warning; this may be TMI and downright offensive to some people. Those lacking a morbid and dark sense of humor would be best to click the “back button” and read Unintentionally Blank’s more interesting thread about living next door to a real smart guy, and how little difference there lies between the people who change make history, and those who read it.)
[spoiler] One dry and toasty day in Georgia, a mute man by the name of Jeb was relaxing in front of the tube while trying to light a cigarette. Unfortunately for Jeb, he had lost his hands in a horrible accident while taunting a bear on a camping vacation, so this proved to be a bigger problem than he anticipated. On top of having no hands, he had also become quite buzzed after drinking half a six pack. Not being in the most respectable state of mind, Jeb reasoned that the best way to go about lighting a cig was to lay it on a table, grab a candle, and lower it. In doing so, the candle was dropped, rolled off the table, and fell onto a box of newspapes that were to be taken out. The box ignited instantly, and started spreading at a frightening speed. There had been a party the night before, and flammable substances of all kind soaked the wooden floor. Jeb, still in his inebriated state ran to the kitchen. Utilizing his intoxicated mind, Jeb super glued some very unusual tongs his mother had bought in Japan to his hands, and blitzed outside to the river where his brothers were fishing. He did not possess the ability to use a fire extinguisher, or even call the fire department. He desperately needed help.
A quarter of a mile later he arrived at the river and using his tongs and a knowledge of sign language, began franticaly to tell his two siblings that the house was on fire and they needed to do something fast . Jeb’s older brother Ned, became white as a ghost, reached into his back pocket, pulled out a revolver, and proceeded to shoot Jeb six times. Afterward, he kicked Jebs body into the river, and watched it float into the distance. The two brothers maintained complete silence untill it was out of view.
“Jesus Christ Ned, what the hell did you do that for?”
“I…I had no choice…”, he said with much regret, “he was obviously possesed. Didn’t you see? He was speaking in strange tongs!” [/spoiler]
Now I know how Naommie Watts must have felt in The Ring.
.