Don’t give up yet. I’m gettin’ a blip on my gaydar. Messy…chubby… How YOU doin’?
Brilliant!
As a straight woman, naked men are inadverently hilarious to me. I know it isn’t the case for all straight women, some do admire the nude male form. But God, if there is one, really had a sense of humor when it came to the male form.
I was all set to complain about how this comes nowhere near to proving that sexual preference is innate, but then I thought, this is just too well written, and too pricelessly hilarious to deserve something like that. Siddhartha Vicious, congratulations. If there were a Spirit of the Straight Dope award for threads, this would win it.
You can convince just about everybody and still be heterosexual as hell. Here’s how.
- Adopt a small dog who’s no good for hunting or home protection.
- Drink something other than beer every now and then. Mixed drinks are good.
- Stationery with just your name, no addresses or phones or emails or anything, made of good paper.
- Just generally pay greater attention to you appearance and the impression you make. You don’t have to be dressy or formal. Just look good to yourself, speak well, make occasional eye contact. Be yourself, with a coat of polish.
- Have some old stuff in your life. Anything that is not a gun or sporting good. It could be a cocktail shaker, an electric clock, a watch, some 30s to 50s movies or music you like. Have it around for people to see or hear.
- Appreciate women on a deeper level. Expand your definition of sexy to include her clothes, the look in her eyes, the way she stirs her coffee…Use your imagination.
Items 7 thru 10 to follow…later.
#7, learn to count to 10.
Bravo! An excellent follow-up to the great response I heard to the statement that homosexuality is a choice: “Okay. Show me.”
- It’s the new 10. Faaaaabulous!
I commend your sacrifices in the name of science, as well as your willingness to “take one for the team.”
Hilarious! But, man, I can’t help thinking that your wife missed out on a great opportunity. Had I been in her place, the conversation would’ve gone something like this:
Sid: Honey, is it okay if I sleep with men?
WeirdO: Only if you let me watch. leers
Shouldn’t that be: “Take one FROM the team?”
Very funny, Siddartha! Excellent post.
Yeah, I’m with you, too. And you know, men *are * sexy, there’s no doubt about it, and erect, not so bad, but limp? It’s giggle time.
Weird One, me too. Or “can I join in, too? It’s all for science, right?”
As many times as I’ve offered Jakeline the opportunity to sleep with another woman so long as I had the opportunity to watch and/or film the event, I don’t think she has that same interest in return. In fact, she’s prone to giving me odd and disturbed looks whenever I comment that I imagine one of our friend’s beards would feel “hawt” on my skin.
Maybe I’m just approaching her with this the wrong way, though…
One more vote for this being a superb post, by the way!
Siddartha, I applaud your efforts in the name of science, but I have one more experiment for you to consider … get drunk. As a heterosexual female, I can appreciate the beauty of other women and even find them sexy. But give me a few shots of tequila, and hoo boy. I suggest you go get plastered at a gay leather bar and then report back. 
Best post for a very long time.
Brilliant work, Siddhartha.
Did it take you a month and a half to think of that one?
Seriously, though, thanks for bumping this one. I dunno how I missed it before. Great post, Siddhartha.
Brilliant. Just incredibly brilliant.
That was awesome. I laughed so hard I have a headache now. But the pain was worth the funny!