Like any other learned behavior, such as speaking French or playing the tuba, learning to be gay requires a certain degree of talent and aptitude.
Don’t take this the wrong way, but it appears you are simply gayness-challenged. I mean, if you can’t master even the simplest exercises, like becoming erect at the sight of a naked man, you are clearly the gayness-equivalent of tone deaf.
Of course, many others have much greater aptitude for learning gayness - they are gayness prodigies, gayness savants. Some of these people have such a great facility with such little training, you might almost imagine they were born that way!
You killed me with the wallets. Your whole post, and your scientific experiment and the rigor with which it was conducted, was brilliant. Amen.
BTW, Sidd, would you happen to be in or near Tucson? There’s a bar called Plush on 4th Ave & Highland that I’m pretty sure is a gay bar. Never been there, though, or been gay.
We were discussing research paper topics in psych class last night, and one woman brought this very topic up. It took every bit of composure I had to not break into random laughter thinking of this post. Excellent work!
Perhaps a better technique for teaching yourself to be gay is to start by attempting to get aroused by pictures of people that look entirely female except for their penis. Maybe that way you can train yourself to get aroused at the sight of a penis, by associating it with the sight of a penis as well. Once you have that mastered, you can try completely male pictures.
As Vice President of the Gay Agenda Group (GAG), it was disheartening to learn of the failure of your scientific attempt to switch teams. We are aware that most men find it indeed quite difficult to become a member of a group that likes to fondle members of same gender members of the group.
Although there have been some success stories using a combination of Viagra, a six pack of beer and membership in the Republican Party or Scientology, there have been some difficulties in replicating these experiments with sane subjects.
For this reason, we have had to put our Gay Agenda recruitment/outreach program on hold. We prefer our members come to/with us on their own free will.
So, while we applaud your scientific attempt to attain membership in our group, we have to politely decline at this time. I know that might seem harsh, but we have found it healthier to simply accept who you are than try to change to be with the cool guys.
We wish you all the best and remain supportive of your alternate lifestyle.
Failing all else, he could always study the pipe organ, take up historic preservation work, or start a celebrity gossip blog. AFA the outside world is concerned, any one of those things makes a guy about 80% gay anyway.
