I thought that was Libras? 
(I’m a Pisces FTR)
All Australians are liars.
(Patterned on something that Epimenides said about 2,600 years ago.)
These are all great examples, I much enjoyed returning to this thread after a weekend to read them all. Some of them are old classics, some I have never heard. One of them reminded me of this one that a university frind used to use on a forum:
“Everybody makes generalisations from just one example - at least, I do.”
And yes, I don’t think ‘paraprosdokian’ does quite describe it accurately. Perhaps there are so many different forms of this sort of thing that it isn’t really possible to coin an umbrella term. The responses to this thread show that you all understood what I meant, though!
I used to be a werewolf, but I’m alright nowoooooooo…
Some people consider “post hoc, ergo propter hoc” a fallacy, but not me. Every time I’ve made post hoc assumptions, things have turned out fine.
Only assholes like you engage in ad hominem arguments.
“Yeah, you WOULD invoke Godwin’s Law. Know who ELSE didn’t like being called a fascist pig? HITLER!!”
I hate jerks who think they can shoot their mouths off and insult people, and then try to pass it off as a joke. F–k them!
Dyslexics of the worlds, untie!
Remember to never split infinitives!
Also, ending sentences with prepositions is something I will not put up with!
“My sister says I’m too nosy. At least that is what she keeps scribbling in her diary.” - some comedian I saw in the early 90s.
“I would never join any club that would have me as a member” - attributed to Groucho Marx.
Is it just me or does that sound like something that came out of a company mission statement?
Cartoon, New Yorker or maybe Saturday Review, ca. 1974: guy begging for money with a sign - “Help Stamp Out Daily Sex”
We must be able to adapt that for one of the occasional “clever joke” threads. Something like “Why are people who can’t spell always smiling? Because they have sex daily.”
Archie Bunker: “Anyone who goes to see a psychiatrist ought to have his head examined.”
I am absolutely positive that my principle is correct. - Werner Heisenberg.
This reminds me of one of the most sublime moments in Life of Brian. The whole crowd shouts in unison, “Yes! We are all individuals!” and one tiny voice croaks, “I’m not.”
Steve Martin in Dirty Rotten Scoundrels:
“I’ve got culture coming out my ass.”
I offer unto you, my own creation:
Stop verbing nouns!