"I used to be indecisive, but now I'm not so sure" - other examples

The thread title is perhaps the canonical example of this form (does it have a generic name, other than simply ‘irony’? I doubt it), and is now so hackneyed as to raise no more than a wry smile at best if attempted in conversation. Some other examples follow (the first of which I have seen or heard at least once before, the other two I came up with myself but they may not be original) - feel free to add any more you have come across or can think of.
“Some people say I’m sceptical, but I find that hard to believe.”

“People say I find it hard to relate to how others view the world, but I don’t know why they would think that.”

“People sometimes criticise me for judging others harshly on minimal evidence, but those people are idiots.”

I used to be superstitious, but then I found out it was bad luck.

I never make a mistake.

Well, once I did.

What if there were no hypotheticals?

I held a rally against apathy, but no one showed up.

My wife says I don’t listen to her or something.

I used to be a concieted, stuck-up snob…but now I’m perfect.

I’ll quit procrastinating tomorrow.

I’m not paranoid, that’s just a rumor started by those who are out to get me.

I’d give my right arm to be ambidexterous

I love the human race; it’s just people, that I can’t stand.

I’m not blasphemous, god dammit.

From 30 Rock (slightly paraphrased): “And they even took my mood ring! And I don’t know how I feel about that…”

An Irish atheist is someone who wishes to God, that they could believe in God.

… and then my bereavement counsellor died…

At first, I chose to believe in determinism, but on further study I’m compelled to accept free will.

Which is worse, ignorance or apathy? Who knows? Who cares?

I don’t never use bad grammar.

I’m never wrong. I thought I was once, but found out I was right all along.

Our biggest problems are apathy and ignorance, but I don’t know and I don’t care.

Thread winner.

Runner up.

There must be something wrong with me, because these all tickle my funny bone.