With my luck, it’l probably be more like a ten second mystery…
Every day, a man takes the elevator to his apartment. If anyone else is in the elevator with him, he takes it up to his floor. If he is alone, he gets out two floors down, and takes the stairs.
Why?
You say “cheesy” like that’s a BAD thing.
Just my luck I would got in one of these threads when it is first starting but I’ll have heard the answer before. Oh well.
“You CAN’T be evil. 'Cos no matter how many ‘bad’ things you do on purpose,
you MUST be doing it because you think it’s the right thing to do.”
Midget, too short to push the floor buttons. We had a variant of this two days ago. That guy was smart enough to take his umbrella with him.
Awww, Poo.
I tried searching all the mystery threads, but obviously not hard enough.
How about this one?
A man is found dead alone in the middle of the desert. In his outstreached hand he is holding a match.
You say “cheesy” like that’s a BAD thing.
Has the match been used?
Is he dead of natural causes?
Is the fact that he is in the desert important?
Does the match have anything to do with his death?
–I am Soren Kierkegaard.–
“People demand freedom of speech to make up for the freedom of thought which they avoid.”
Yeah, but what are we trying to solve here? How the guy died? What was the match for?
“Penises don’t belong in the mouth, girls and boys. You’ve got the wrong hole there. Just like you wouldn’t shove pizza up your nose.”
-From the Brother Jed flyer-
I’m recused on this one.
This isn’t one of those:
“Do you have a match?” - “Yeah, your face and my ass.”, jokes is it?
Sorry it took me so long to get back to this.
Has the match been used?
NO.
Is he dead of natural causes?
NO.
Is the fact that he is in the desert important?
NO.
Does the match have anything to do with his death?
YES.
You say “cheesy” like that’s a BAD thing.
A quick correction:
Is the fact that he is in the desert important?
In a way. It could be any desolated type of landscape: desert, tundra, isolated forest, ect.
You say “cheesy” like that’s a BAD thing.
It seems people have lost interest in this one. What’s the answer?
“A Native American elder once described his own inner struggles in this manner: Inside of me there are two dogs. One of the dogs is mean and evil. The other dog is good. The mean dog fights the good dog all the time. When asked which dog wins, he reflected for a moment and replied, The one I feed the most.” – George Bernard Shaw
Are there any other objects nearby (not counting grains of sand)?
Was the man murdered?
Was the matchstick imbibed with a deadly poison?
Did the man die of lung cancer because he was a smoker and he was about to light his last match?
Was he going to use the matchstick to determine by its shadow where north was, to find his way out of this godforsaken desert?
Has the match been used?
Is the man’s height/weight/hair colour relevant? His eye colour? His native tongue? The presence/absence of facial hair? His nationality? His political affiliation?
If the man had been a woman in disguise would he still have died? How about a transgendered person? A castrato? A eunuch?
Was the match made in China? USA? Portugal? Philippines? Australia?
Is the match a safety match that can light anywhere? Is it waterproof?
Did the man die at nighttime? During the daytime? Is he lying face up? face down? Is the match in his right hand? Left hand?
Is the man on earth? On another planet?
Is he wearing a space suit? Is there a lack of oxygen on this other planet preventing him from lighting the match? Would he die if he removed his space suit?
Are the men’s shoes brown? Black? Green? Is he wearing cowboy boots? Sandals? Birkenstocks? Wingtips?
Is the man wearing a watch? Has the watch stopped? Is it an expensive watch? Is it a Rolex?
On the horizon, can one see a tornado approaching? Is there a house hovering in the middle of the tornado? Are there midgets surrounding the man, singing about lollipops?
A little help here!
Is the man Bricker? Is the man Cecil Adams? Is the man another SDMB poster? Is the desert a metaphor for the internet? Does the match represent the beacon of knowledge represented by the “Straight Dope” newspaper column?
Is the man Sealemon88? Has he been murdered because he stopped giving clues to his three minute mystery? Are other SDMB dopers dancing in joy at his death? Do I hear laughter and the sounds of a party in the distance? Is there liquor involved? Is there nudity at this party? Am I invited?
And what about Naomi?
Is it a whole match or part of one?
Did the man freeze to death?
It seems people have lost interest in this one. What’s the answer?
< Shrugs >
Are there any other objects nearby (not counting grains of sand)?
NO.
Was the man murdered?
NO.
Was the matchstick imbibed with a deadly poison?
NO.
Did the man die of lung cancer because he was a smoker and he was about to light his last match?
NO.
Was he going to use the matchstick to determine by its shadow where north was, to find his way out of this godforsaken desert?
NO.
Has the match been used?
NO.
Is the man’s height/weight/hair colour relevant? His eye colour? His native tongue? The presence/absence of facial hair? His nationality? His political affiliation?
UMMM…HIS WEIGHT IS IMPORTANT.
If the man had been a woman in disguise would he still have died? How about a transgendered person? A castrato? A eunuch?
NO.
Was the match made in China? USA? Portugal? Philippines? Australia?
IRRELEVANT.
Is the match a safety match that can light anywhere? Is it waterproof?
IRRELEVANT.
Did the man die at nighttime? During the daytime? Is he lying face up? face down? Is the match in his right hand? Left hand?
IRRELEVANT.
Is the man on earth? On another planet?
HE’S ON EARTH.
Is he wearing a space suit? Is there a lack of oxygen on this other planet preventing him from lighting the match? Would he die if he removed his space suit?
SEE ABOVE.
Are the men’s shoes brown? Black? Green? Is he wearing cowboy boots? Sandals? Birkenstocks? Wingtips?
IRRELEVANT.
Is the man wearing a watch? Has the watch stopped? Is it an expensive watch? Is it a Rolex?
IRRELEVANT.
On the horizon, can one see a tornado approaching? Is there a house hovering in the middle of the tornado? Are there midgets surrounding the man, singing about lollipops?
NO.
A little help here!
SORRY. LAST TIME I HAD LOOKED, THIS THREAD WAS ON PAGE TWO. 
Is the man Bricker? Is the man Cecil Adams? Is the man another SDMB poster? Is the desert a metaphor for the internet? Does the match represent the beacon of knowledge represented by the “Straight Dope” newspaper column?
NO. YA WISEASS.
Is the man Sealemon88? Has he been murdered because he stopped giving clues to his three minute mystery? Are other SDMB dopers dancing in joy at his death? Do I hear laughter and the sounds of a party in the distance? Is there liquor involved? Is there nudity at this party? Am I invited?
NO, YOU ARE INVITED. BUT YOU ARE INVITED TO BITE ME.
Seriously, I’ll be here for another few hours. If I don’t hear the right answer by, say, 5:30, then I’ll post the answer. OK?
You say “cheesy” like that’s a BAD thing.