In March of 2000 I was diagnosed with hypothyroidism. I don’t feel like explaining about it right now, but if you want to know about it, check out this excellent website, http://www.thyroid.about.com.
I just want to say that I’m fucking sick of this! I’m fucking sick and tired of never having any energy anymore, I’m fucking sick of having a goddamn cluttered, messy house and no energy or will to tackle it. I FEEL LIKE TORCHING THE WHOLE PLACE AND MOVING TO A ONE ROOM FLAT!
I HATE that my hair is falling out. I HATE that my hair is so dry that the ends are constantly shredding no matter how much I trim them. I HATE the fact that I used to have a nice thick braid when I braided my hair, but now the braid is half that size.
I HATE that I’m gaining weight. To the average person looking at me, you couldn’t tell, but I sure as hell can! I hate when I’m wearing some of my skirts and I look down and see that belly-pooch I’ve developed. I hate that I can’t wear any of my shorts from last summer. I hate that my upper arms are starting to look like a flabby old lady’s when they used to actually have some muscular definition.
I REALLY HATE not being able to do the things that I used to do! If I want to do anything that requires that I spend any energy (like go for a walk in the park or go shopping for a couple hours), I have to do it Saturday so that I have the next day to recover! I hate having to walk slow when I’m out places because if I don’t my leg muscles go all weak and wobbly. I went out to see a movie & go malling with a couple friends and the next day, MY FEET WERE SWOLLEN! WTF?! I’m SO FRELLING TIRED OF FEELING LIKE I’M AN OLD LADY!!!
And I HATE having “brain fog”, ie not being able to remember words, not being able to retain information or understand things. I hate how much MORE moody I’ve become. I feel like an idiot when I get emotionally overloaded because i’m tired and I want to cry over stupid shit like not being able to decide what flavor juice to buy!!
And I’m fucking sick of people telling me “You should exercise more, you just have to force yourself sometimes.” HOW can I exercise when, after working for just 4 hours a day, my feet hurt so badly that I can hardly walk? How can I exercise when, after working some extra hours to cover for a co-worker, the next day ALL my muscles are sore & fatigued & I feel like I’ve been run over by a truck?
On top of this my doc thinks that I “may” be developing rheumatoid arthritis or fibromyalgia, and that’s why I have all the aches & pains. What the yotz is next, cancer? A stroke? Are all my limbs going to fall off eventually?
I love my cats. I have 5, as some of you may know. Lately I’ve found myself thinking, “I’m so tired of dealing with the litterboxes every day and the hairballs and feeding them 3 times a day- maybe we should give them away.” AND THAT IS NOT LIKE ME AT ALL!! I would no sooner give away my cats than cut off my head.
My husband doesn’t understand, and I don’t think my friends really do either. After all, I don’t “look” sick. I SHOULD be able to cook dinner and do laundry and vacuum more than once a month or so. I’m actually quitting my job in June because I’ve been feeling so shitty and I’ve found that ANY stress makes me bedridden for a couple days. I JUST WANT TO STOP HURTING. I’ve been living on 800 mg. ibuprofen every 12 hours and I’m finding out what happens if you forget a couple doses. I’d settle for not feeling constantly fatigued all the time.
I’m taking Rx for the hypo. But it takes several months for your system to get back on track, and my thyroid levels have’nt ever stayed in the normal range long enough for me to really start feeling better. I just started a new Rx so maybe it’ll help some of this shite. I certainly hope so. I probably should’vr posted this at the thyroid BB I visit, but they don’t allow swearing & all. And I just had to say that I FUCKING HATE THIS!! fucking joint pain…fucking muscle aches…fucking hair loss…fucking exhaustion…fucking forgetfulness…fucking short fuse…fucking mood swings…fucking weight gain…fucking hypothyroidism!!!
Phew. I feel better now. Just had to get all that off my chest.
(yes I watch Farscape that’s where some of the ‘cursewords’ came from)
Drag your husband to the doctor and have the doctor explain (in words of one syllable or fewer) why you look OK but are not really. Is there a support group in your area? Perhaps they can help.
Provided your husband is not simply uncaring, he should be with you, not simply “not understanding” what is going on. He may never fully realize what it’s like, not having the experience, but his active support would go a ways toward making your life a bit easier.
Dear Moggy,
I don't have hypothyroidism so I can't even begin to understand what you're going through. I hope that venting your anger and frustration and helped at least a little bit.
Whenever I feel as though I'm at my absolute wit's end, that life couldn't possibly be any worse than it is at that very moment, I force mysef to realize something. While it is true that there are always going to be people that are better off than me, there is always going to be someone *worse* off than me.
I have some weird thing wrong with my feet that cause them to sit funny (a type of fallen arches, I think). Because of that, standing on my feet for more than a few hours at a time causes escrutiating (sp?) pain. Because my feet sit funny, my knees are tilted funny. Now my knees are giving me problems when I sit too long, not just when I'm standing. I've been to a specialist several times and he keeps telling me to just use my inserts (which I do) and take ibuprophen (which I do). I'm now up to 75mg of Ketoprofen (precription strength Orudis at 3 times the OTC dosage). Most days I fine, but there have been plenty of days where I've taken sleeping pills because I just cant take the pain anymore.
The fact that I wait tables on weekends doesn't help any, I'm sure. I come home from work, exhausted and in pain. Just walking from my car to the front door is a battle. When the pain gets so intense, I just can't take it anymore, I remind myself of something: at least I can walk.
So I guess I can sorta identify with your pain, but my case is nowhere near the severity of yours. Just hang in there, Moggy.
<3,
Star Light
I was diagnosed with Hashimoto’s thyroiditis about twenty years ago (I am thirty now). All I can say is, if it’s at all possible, find a sympathetic endocrinologist. Keep looking if you have to. It really does make all the difference in the world.
A few tips: avoid eating lots of greens, try to take your medicine the same time every day, eat as well as you can, drink lots of water and get as much sleep as possible. When I don’t, I get the same symptoms you do: my hair falls out, my skin gets very dry, and I gain weight. Hashimoto’s is an extremely common cause of hypothyroidism, and is also an autoimmune disorder, that may be what you have. In addition, I was tentatively diagnosed with lupus (a diagnosis I did not pursue), another autoimmune disorder. I know it is anecdotal evidence, but I have found that a lot of people with various autoimmune disorders have the same sort of vague symptoms that you have, regardless of the actual disorder.
It does get better, but it takes time. I think it took four or five years to figure out what my proper dosage was, though I attribute that to the fact that in the middle of it all I lurched into puberty. But you do need to find an MD who will do more tests than just the traditional ones, as they are often inadequate.
Good luck. And it does blow.
Hormone imbalances suck. My sister has hypothyroidism, as did my Grandma. I hope your meds kick in soon. People have a strange way of reacting to change. Blame the victim is always a front-runner. Don’t accept it. You didn’t wake up one morning and say “Yes! Today I will command my hypothalamus to cease with all this TSH nonsense! Today my thyroid will pay no heed!”
I hope you feel better soon.
Whoa. First off, you were diagnosed in March of 2000, and just NOW you’re switching meds? I’d switch doctors. I’ve had hypothyroidism since I was 17. (I’m 25 now.) It shouldn’t be taking that long for you to feel better, hon.
Also, if you’re getting arthritis pains, I’d start looking into other diseases as well. Chronic fatigue, lupus, something…
Hope you feel better soon. I know it sucks.
I know I can’t even begin to understand what you’re going through, and any words of mine will seem pretty meaningless as a result, but I want you to know that I hope things get better for you. Hope those meds work out.
Hang in there, moggy. I’m sending positive thoughts and good vibrations your way.
Thanks for the support y’all. I was having a REALLY bad day yesterday, in a lot of pain & feeling really low.
Amulet- why did you say keep away from greens? I know you’re supposed to watch your soy & iron intakes. Do you mean salad greens like lettuce & spinach or all green veggies?
Falcon- for the past year I was with an HMO that SUCKED
in that I saw a lot of different docs & the nurse that I saw most often was very dismissive of my symptoms. In Jan. of this year I switched to my husband’s insurance & I found a new doc. My joint pains & swelling are relatively new, and she wanted to keep me on my same dosage of Synthroid to see if my thyroid would correct itself (I guess). I asked her if I could try adding T3 & that’s when she switched me to Armour. Maybe the all-natural meds will be the way to go.
Bingo…that would do it. I’d still get checked for an overall immune system disorder, if the doctor could…it just sounds a lot what I had, and I ended up being diagnosed with lupus. Worth a shot, at least.
And hugs I know that being that sick SUCKS.
Dear Moggy,
I know it’s hard when you don’t have energy, but try to save all you have for finding a decent doctor who will help you. I’m not hypothyroid, but my life has been pretty stressful for the last couple years and honestly some days it seems like almost a superhuman task just to get out of bed. I’ve given up on being able to keep house the way I’d like to - there’s just too much of it. And I understand about the pets too - we just got a new dog and found out he’s got a possible autoimmune disease. I love him dearly, but the thought crossed my mind to give him back to the place we got him from, because it means more vet visits, bills, messes to clean up, etc. Fortunately my husband is here to help and will make sure the dogs get everything they need even when I am feeling like I don’t have one more ounce of energy left. If your husband doesn’t seem to understand, then he might benefit from a visit to your doctor with you, who can explain what’s going on.
I think it’s good that you are angry instead of resigned! It means you aren’t depressed, and not being well can lead very easily to depression, and then it’s very hard to help yourself. You WILL feel better when you get the right mix of medications to help. Keep looking for the doctor(s) who can help you … if you can afford to quit your job for awhile, do. It will help you to find what you need to get and feel better. I wish the best of luck to you and I hope you feel better very, very soon.
Hang in there, moggy!
I’m sorry about what you’re going through. It sounds awful! 