I have a pants deficit in my wardrobe.
I want to buy pants. Sounds simple! Go to store, procure pants. When come back, bring pants.
No can do.
I am a woman living in the northern hemisphere where it is currently mid-summer.
The only options for me are:
Capri pants, though they may sound like pants, are not pants. They do not come down to my ankles. They are false pants. They anger me in their shortness.
I work in a laboratory. All footwear has to fit the OSHA standard of having closed heels (no mules, slides, open toes, etc.; must also be leather). Shoes that meet the standard look stupid with capri pants. Not to mention the fact that having half of one’s bare shin hanging out sort of negates the whole personal protective equipment angle. I’ve yet to see capri pants outright banned in the labs, and they don’t ban skirts. I can count on one hand the people who wear skirts in the lab, though, and I think the only reason they haven’t banned them is they don’t want to open up a can of discrimination worms.
I found one lonely pair of pants at Target last week. (I was desperate - my local mall is devoid of pants) The rise was so low that I exposed an unprofessional amount (read any) of undergarment in the back.
Pants fit is so particular that I don’t want to resort to mail order. I just want stores to stock some basic pants for those of us who have to continue to earn a living through the summer months and whose remaining pants are bearing the marks of way too many washings.
YOU MONKEYS YOU, GIVE ME BACK MY PANTS!
(I have perhaps been reading too many children’s books)