I want to bitch slap my friend's wives

Sometimes I want to bitch slap my friend’s wives

First of all I should come right out and say that I fully respect whatever choices a family makes…have kids, don’t have kids, be a SAHM, be a WOHM (that’s Stay at Home Mom and Work Outside the Home Mom), as long as you are responsible in your choices. The right choice for one family may not be the correct one for all families. However, all choices come with consequences and sacrifices.

Now, the rant:

  1. Katie and Bill both have jobs and both work outside the home. They have no children. They make pretty good money, but they are REALLY good at spending their money. Katie makes Bill look like an amatuer at this, although an accomplished amatuer. Katie has a longing to have children and be a SAHM. A rational person would maybe simplify their life to achieve this dream. Or maybe have kids anyway and realize you are going to always have to work at something. Katies method is to nag Bill that he doesn’t make enough money for her to be able to quit her job and stay home with her (yet non-existant) children. He is destroying her dream, using up all the time on her biological clock, etc. (“Oh, by the way, did you see the new Grand Cherokee we just bought, I didn’t like my old one”). Maybe, just maybe, Katie, you bear some cupability in this situation?

  2. Kim got pregnant “accidentally on purpose” while dating Curt. He married her, but didn’t manage to complete college, having an obligation to support his surprise family. They followed the first baby with a second. Now Kim can’t understand why she can’t live in a big house like her parents (Daddy is a chemical engineer) and drive new cars, while all of Curt’s friends, having completed college and many of them finishing grad school before marrying and starting families, are living yuppie lives surrounded by nice things. This is Curt’s fault because he “lacks ambition.” Well, duh, Kim. Had you let Curt finish college, he could have maybe gotten a better job. And maybe you’ve noticed that Curt’s friends kids are all ten years younger than yours. That’s because they spend ten years building their lives to the point that they had nice things before kids began to eat away all their spare cash. Oh, and most of their wives work in well paid professional jobs (or did until they decided to do the SAHM thing) instead of getting knocked up at 19 while working in a college bar and then becoming a SAHM. Two incomes + delayed children = nice things.

  3. Diana and Dave both worked before having children, but Diana became a SAHM when her kids came. The youngest is now in fifth grade, the oldest in middle school and Diana continues to be a SAHM. She complains Dave doesn’t make enough money and needs to get a different job because cash is tight. She worries that they won’t be able to send the kids to college, and their retirement savings are minimal. But don’t suggest she might get a job while the kids are in school! Diana, get a clue. You can make plenty of time for a job now that your two kids are in school - at least part time. And any money coming in will make the budget less tight.

Ladies! Take some responsiblity for your lives. You at least helped make your situtation, don’t blame it on your husband who does not have an obligation to support you in the style to which you’d like to become accustomed.

How many wives did you say your friend has?

I’m sorry but I still fail to see why the this affects you? Do your friends have balls? Yes? Then they will handle this just fine…

So what?

The husbands have no culpablity in these situations?

Bill can’t start saving independently of Katie? (assuming he also wants to have children)

Curt couldn’t have finished college, despite being a parent? I know lots of men and woman who’ve done it.

Dave doesn’t reap the benefits of having his wife home, taking care of business there?

I dunno guy - this sounds more like a women bashing spree than a rant. All the male players sound like characters out of a Margaret Atwood novel.


I’m sure we’ll meet at a cocktail party because we obviously have the same friends. This should be required high school reading along with The Crucible & Catcher in the Rye.

Oh, BTW, have you met Bonnie and Larry? Although her son lives with her Ex because the Ex was more responsible and she stayed at home getting large on bonbons while her second husband sweated his ass off working, she did always find the energy to nag about their complete lack of funds. Mommy and Daddy buckled in to her whining and built 42 year old Daughter-poo a beautiful house full of furniture. Lazy Bonnie now, instead of compressing couch springs, attends all the social events and has her nose high enough in the air to mount a weathervane on. Unbelivable… getting all uppity because of what was given them when before she was too lazy even to change batteries in a remote.

I seem to have stumbled into the He-Man Woman Hater’s club. Don’t get up, I’ll see myself out.

Why do you think so? I’m a woman. I don’t hate other women. Nor do I hate SAHMs (I thought I had made that clear). I DO have a problem with anyone who think that someone owes them a style of living, even if that someone is their husband. And I do have a problem with women who nag their husbands to acheive this goal, especially when the husbands are friends of mine. Or who burden my ears with their whining about how their husbands are poor providers while they don’t even bother to get a part time job while the kids are in school (Why no, when would I have time to do all that scrapbooking!)

I know plenty of women who are SAHMs and have accepted the lifestyle sacrifices this entails. I admire them, and think they have made a fine career choice. I know people who have gotten all their ducks in a row before children so there was no lifestyle sacrifice. That’s really cool.

Talk about not talking responsiblity! I assume that contraception was her responsibility. If Curt didn’t have the sense to protect himself against such accidents, the boob gets what he deserves. :rolleyes:

I took this to mean that Kim “forgot” to take her birth control pill(use diaphragm, whatever), so that she could snag herself a man. If they had agreed that she was taking care of it, then no, it’s not his responsibility to see that she does. If a child comes out of it anyway, then it is half his responsibility, which he accepted.

Kim is despicable.

Abe Babe is right, its a case of “Don’t worry honey, I’m on the pill” (which I won’t bother to mention that I flush down the toilet every day).

Despicable is right. Although there is a gullibilty award for guys who fall for this. Curt lost points for falling for it (don’t have sex with someone who you wouldn’t have a baby with, use a condom regardless - good against STDs and lying girlfriends), he gets them back by being a very “there” Dad.

While I’m personally a big advocate of the “don’t have sex with someone you’re not ready to have a baby with” school of thought, I don’t think it’s gonna catch on in a big way.

All these husbands were born without spines? They have no ability to speak up for themselves? What do they think about the situations they’re in? If they’ve got a problem, it’s up to them to deal with it. If they’re happy with it, why should you care? Marriage is a 50-50 partnership deal, don’t you agree? Husband and wife are equally responsible for the decisions made by the family group. All I see here is your griping about the wives. If their husbands are so unhappy and ineffectual, why aren’t you griping about them?

I can’t speak for Dangerosa, but if I were in her shoes, I’d be tired of listening to the damned griping. Doesn’t sound like any of that’s coming from the husbands.

Kamandi, I’m at least as close to the wives of some of my friends as to the husbands. Were said hubbies to be lazy house hubbies that complained about their wives’ earning potential I’d flame them too. This isn’t a gender issue… it’s a you-owe-me-the-lifestyle-i-want-to-be-accustomed-to-butt-am-too-lazy-to-help-work-for issue.

They really, really need to bite me and their tongue.


Sorry, the first time I read the OP I somehow got the impression that everyone in the relationships - husbands included - was unhappy. But if it’s a case of lazy woman is griping because her supportive and hardworking husband isn’t supportive and hardworking enough, yeah, flame the bitches. Carry on.

Thanks lieu and RTFirefly…that is indeed the case.

I should mention that all the marriages (except Kim’s) are pretty good (to the outside eye) except for this issue. I’m just sick of the griping and sniping at the hardworking and supportive husbands. In the Kim/Curt case, the marriage sucks, but both are committed to it for the sake of the kids (which is good), the whole situation is just painful to watch and Kim’s not catching the clue bus on why my standard of living isn’t hers doesn’t help.

(I never caught onto the don’t have sex thing either, so I shouldn’t cast blame - then again, I was the one who took the little pill every morning).