I want to steal the queen's dogs.

That’s all there is, really. I’m arriving in London on Wednesday, and I’ll be there for about six months, so I’ve got enough time to figure out a plan, I think.

See, they’re corgis, and I like corgis. They’re cute and attentive looking, and they’re just like normal-sized dogs, only their legs obviously got Shrink-Rayed. So they’re perfect dogs for stealing. I saw a guy walking one once, and I barely restrained myself from pulling over, grabbing the pooch, unclipping his leash, and just running, running away, dog tucked under my arm like a football. Only, a little football with four teeny little legs waving in the breeze. We’d go and live in HappyLand together, the corgi and I.

You may ask, “Yes, but why steal the queen’s? Why not simply obtain your own in a more legal manner?” You may also ask, “Are you perhaps running a fever? Have you hit your head recently?” If you ask the second, I say: Bah, to you! I blow my nose in your general direction. But if you ask the first, let me explain: Why not?

Why settle for a normal corgi, when I could steal the queen’s? Perhaps it’s an issue of ancient retribution: I’ve been in Ireland for the past two months, my ancestral home, and the bitter taste of British oppression still lingers, and this is my plot for revenge. A pup for a potato, so to speak. Or perhaps it’s simply the allure of a fabulously pampered lifestyle. In high school I knew some of the girls in my class got swoony over one of the younger princes. I always thought that was ridiculous, all he has going for him is his grandmother, and for most guys, if the best thing about him is his grandmother, that’s hardly a swoon-producer. But I think I might understand now, the thirst for royalty. It is alluring, I freely admit, a great temptation.

Watch the news, my friends. For someday, the queen’s corgis shall be mine.

note: I do not actually plan on breaking any British laws, nor do I encourage anyone else to do so.

Find out who their kennel keeper is. That would be a first step. I doubt QEII does the feeding and poop scooping her royal self.

Make friends with said kennel keeper. Wine them and dine them. Ask for a “behind the scenes” look at life in the kennel, and proceed from there.

I expect the men in dark glasses to show up any time now.

No Clue Boy, you’re obviously in-Corgi-ble! :stuck_out_tongue:

How about stealing the ravens from the Tower of London, Ninja Chick? Sounds like a good idea to me. :slight_smile:

Well if you must have a Corgi under you arm, http://ec1.images-amazon.com/images/P/B000EK48UY.01-A14NCOGF1E9RXR.SS500_SCLZZZZZZZ_V1139652089.jpg

But personally I would go for a Swedish Valheund. (And did as you see, though she died a few years ago.)

I know! And it was really impressive this time. He didnt even have to post in the thread to pull this one off! :stuck_out_tongue:

A word of warning, NinjaChick from someone who had a corgi (Pembroke of course!) growing up: corgis are herders.

If you dare to put a corgi down mid-purloining, say to open a gate at Buckingham Palace, the little beast, more likely than not, will herd you back to his kennel while rescue comes (could be either beast’s or yours depending how things work out for you).

Oh and they have sharp teeth too. All the better to nip your heels with.

Yep, don’t wear shorts if you’re going to run with a corgi or vallhund.* Doesn’t hurt hurt, but still…ouch.

  • Mispelled before

Hmmmm, well, I suggest you start stocking up on Omaha steaks, see, you’ll need to keep the little critters quiet until you get them out.

Yep, yet another rift in the space-time continuum.

Be sure to take a roller to destroy the evidence. Corgis shed and something tells me they have the DNA on Her Majesty’s dogs. :wink:

/We laugh every year as my sister’s dog goes through his molting and his “buttfuzz” floats on the breeze.
//has given said corgi many annoying nicknames like “Furlog” and “Captain Fuzzy”

Cute dog

I was going to sneer at you and post “Ha! Good luck going after some of the best guarded corgis in the WORLD!”… But just in time I realised you were a NinjaChick and changed my post to say “Good luck with your little doggies, ma’am”.

I can see MI5 now!

Exactly. As for how Ninja Chick transmogrified into No Clue Boy, I refer everyone to Justice Alito’s well-written concurrence, discussed in the Pit. Please refer any further questions to ETF, whom I will retain as my spokesperson in this matter! Yep, it had to be another glitch in the space-time continuum. No doubt in my mind. Probably the Corgis secretly messaging the hamsters.

Clearly, I must exploit this weakness! Hmm…let me scheme.

Sage Rat - what a cute dog!

Noooooo! Then the Tower will topple and fall, and England will lie in ruins, it’s once-mighty status a a great power falling into shame and weakness and-

Y’know, never mind.

They’re bigger than they look certainly small enough to carry, but probably not just under one arm. As an international dog thief, dachsunds might be better choice for you; they’ll definitely be easier to pack in your suitcases for the return journey.

Sure, they look cute, but trust me, they’re tougher than they look.

You’ve got to marinate those things for like three days.

Ah, you misunderstand me, good sir. I have no intent of kicking off a career as a dog thief. This is a one-time event, you see, a brief flirtation with danger and large men with guns telling me to put the dog down, now.

Though dachsunds are mighty cute, as well. If you can find some famous, wealthy, royal dachsunds, I might consider your suggestion a bit more seriously.