It was costume day at school today. We first did it last year and the turn out was great. I went as Jacki Chan and people loved my costume. This year I was a twinkie-people loved that too. People love me when I play the class clown. I love them when they love me.
I am also going into seminary, as I have mentioned before on the boards. What does that have to do with me being a twinkie? Absolutely nothing. But it has caused a bit of internal drama for me. I don’t date much-partly because I’m a picky guy and partly because I have I’m a little socially inept (not a sociopath, just a little quirky when it comes to things like moving in on a girl). Another reason I haven’t been dating lately, which ties into my pickiness, is the fact that I’m going into seminary. I haven’t readily sought out women/girls that would want to date a pre-seminarian. I’m not the type of person that dates somebody just to date them. But I do feel it’s kind of a wedge between anybody I would get close to and me. Most of the wedge is my own mental attitude-I tend to not want to get into anything with a girl that I don’t think will understand this aspect of my life. But I think that this whole seminiarian thing kind of scares girls. Huh. Imagine that-celibacy a turn off. I can’t blame them. Lord, I can’t blame them. It’s a bit of a heavy thing for me to carry, and I’ve sort of prepared myself since fourth grade. But it is very interesting to see people’s reactions-especially the one girl that I’ve been “talking to” as it was said on another thread. Her and I’s story is too long for me to put here, but she seems to like testing my reactions to her comments about me “being a priest” (I tell everyone that half of the job of the seminary is to determine whether you will be a priest or not, so I don’t really know if I’ll go all the way through).
What I want to know is this: would any women out there date a Catholic seminarian? This doesn’t just have to be a high school/college question, there are seminarians of all ages-though the ones in later years have usually given up on dating. Whadya think?
Would I date a Catholic seminarian? As in one who is already in the seminary? No. At that point, I figure he’s pretty far along in his discernment process - he’s made it to the seminary part, and while he still might not become a priest, right then, he needs to be figuring out if it’s right for him.
Ah, your next question, what about a pre-seminarian?
Well, it would depend. How sure is he that he is called to the priesthood? Is he still investigating and just thinks it’s a possibility or is it basically certain, a done deal - he’s going to be a priest?
When do I know that he’s planning to go into the seminary? If he tells me from the start, I’ll be more likely to be friends with him and keep him out of the “potential romantic interest”- he can be a friend, but his commitment is elsewhere. If I don’t know right off the bat - more likely if he’s still in the beginning of the investigation stage, I think- then he could well become a romantic interest, and dating would be a possibility, but I don’t know what would happen when I was told.
A twinkie costume? Did you buy it? Make it? If you made it, how? (this sounds like a great halloween costume!)
I bought it at Wal-Mart first. I wore it around the store before buying it. Yeah, I’m a big attention whore, but it pays off.
I can see where you’re coming from in that they are pretty far along in their discernment processs, but I think if you’re dating someone seriously and you feel that you’re supposed to be married to that person, it is a good sign that you should leave the seminary. Of course, these relationships probably start befor ethe person goes in.
Another of the several reasons that I don’t date much is I don’t like to lie. Not just telling a lie, but acting a lie. This is an important thing that I can’t really hide from anybody who I might get involved with, even if they are just some girl I meet at a party. I feel like I should sometimes, but it usually gets out (thankfully).
BlueMit11 you make a good point about the falling-in-love, marriage bit meaning that the seminary might not be the best choice for you. But wouldn’t it be somehow unethical (or even prohibited) for a man already in the seminary to date? I admit, I’m pretty ignorant of Catholic doctrine, particularly as it pertains to the seminary/convent part.
Personally, I wouldn’t have any problem getting to know (and perhaps dating) a future seminarian. Then again, I’ve never been Catholic, so I doubt one would be interested in dating me. But my point is, if a man and woman are intested in pursuing a dating relationship, and neither have taken any vows, then why not? It seems as if you’re honest about your future plans, so I don’t see any dishonesty on your part.
On a slight hijack, I recently discovered that my new co-worker is a former nun. I’ve only worked with her for a few weeks, so I don’t know much about why she chose to stop being a nun. Yes, I’m wildly curious, but I don’t intend to pry. She’s single and childless, in her early 40s (I’m guessing about her age). I just assume she’ll tell me however much she feels comfortable telling me, at whatever point. And we work very closely together every day, so we’re becoming friends. What sort of thing might lead one to decide to leave the convent, or seminary, as the case may be?
BlueMitt11, I am struck by the stories of two monks … one who taught my father and the other who taught me (same school, two different decades).
One of them was a monk and priest for … oh, a while. A very devout man, a very good Christian. OSB, in case you were wondering.
One day he came into the abbot’s office with a woman (I don’t specifically remember if they were engaged or whatever) and asked to be relieved of his vows. The request, though typically monkships (for lack of a better-known term for them) are permanent once you profess in a faith, was granted. I am told that they lived a very happy married life. Must have made for some interesting stories.
The other is a man who was married for many years and had several children. His wife died, and at some point after that he became a monk (a brother, not a father). Occasionally his children visited him at the abbey, which was always an intruiging thing to see.
My point to you is that what you feel called to do, or what you think you ought to do (or however you believe it is most appropriate to state it), is not necessarily permanent. Had my father been successful in his endeavor, in his mid-teens, of starting to become a monk in a French abbey in the 1970s, he would in all likelihood never have met my mother, and had he, the question would still be moot because of that whole celibacy thing.
And then there’s my mother wanting to be a priest as well…my family history has all sorts of religious nuggets:D
