I bring this up because I have been celibate for 16 years now. I guess by this point I can fulfill all (or almost all) of my needs in other ways, have learned to sublimate said drives into other directions, and am living a fully satisfying life in all other areas of my life (it’s quite a bit deeper than that but I’ll leave it at that). I also get zilch from casual hookups, no draw for me there at all. I also prefer to pursue my own passions in my own way, and figure that if someone is out there who is compatible with me then I’ll run into her sooner or later-as in, I’m not going to go out of my way and do things I hate “just so as” to find a partner. I am a member of a dating site, and am in correspondence with someone right now in point of fact. In the end there’s no angst for me over this issue at all, and I find that I simply don’t miss it a bit.
Yes, it would be a dealbreaker. There is a difference between sex and “making love”; the later is an emotional expression that is the equal of the physical component.
If I really like a lady, I’ll wait up to a year or so if that’s what she needs to feel safe/comfortable (or whatever). As long as she’s open and frank with me up front, I’m fine with that.
That, said though, eventually, I am going to want sex, and I’m going to want it on a regular basis.
I don’t know. I can’t imagine dating a man who wanted to be celibate. And if he just couldn’t get any for years and years I can’t see wanting to date him then either. I’d say it starts getting really weird after about 2 years. If he hadn’t had sex in a long time for some reason but he seemed normal, then fine, but just don’t mention it to me. It’s not like I would ask. Because I also don’t want to think about a man of mine having sex with other people. Don’t ask don’t tell!
The lowest option in the poll is a YEAR? I would wait like a month for a woman. Much longer than that and (excepting trauma issues and the like) she’s probably either religious or not attracted to me, and both are problematic.
Wait, I’m confused. You are celibate. If we are dating, are you still celibate, or are we going to fuck? I mean, is the question, “Would dating someone with a long voluntary dry spell be an issue?” or “Would dating someone who doesn’t want to have sex an issue?”
Because I don’t care how long someone has been celibate, as long as they’ll fuck me.
Same here. I wouldn’t ask anyone “How long has it been since you’ve had sex” anyway, and I’d find it awkward if you felt the need to share your sexual history with me.
It would only be an issue for me on our wedding night - once he’s made that kind of commitment, he’d better be fully committed. Up till then, we’re just dating…
That’s a theoretical statement. I’m closing in on 60, and should I become a widow, I’m pretty sure I won’t be jumping into any dating anyway.
Total deal breaker. I want a partner that I love and make love with. You could be my friend if you’re celibate, you could be a very close friend, but I don’t want to be celibate, so you don’t qualify as a partner to me.
I’m glad I wasn’t the only one unsure of what the OP meant.
Back in my long-ago single years, I encountered both situations - oddly enough, with the same woman for both, a couple years apart. The long dry spell before the first time was no problem (I think I may have been her first real bf though she was in her mid to late 20s, but it wasn’t a problem), but the freeze-up after we got back together a couple years later (at her instigation!) was a deal-breaker.
Are we talking lifelong celibacy, or celibacy until ____ (where the blank might be “marriage”, or “find the right person”, or whatever)? And are we assuming a romantic relationship or a non-romantic one?
I would not enter into a romantic relationship to someone who was committed to celibacy for life. A non-romantic relationship, sure. Likewise, a romantic relationship with “celibacy until ____”, provided that the blank was something I had a reasonable expectation I might be able to fulfill.
Anyway, I wouldn’t date someone longer than a couple months without having sex. I don’t care if prior to our relationship the person has been voluntarily celibate for 20 years, or involuntarily, or was a virgin*. But if we’re dating, we’re fucking. Again, I’d wait a couple months for someone to get comfortable or whatever. But much longer than that, and I’m going to think you aren’t particularly into fucking. Which is fine, but it makes you unsuitable to me as a romantic partner.
*however, I think someone who is older and still a virgin, or someone who chose to be celibate for many years might have weird issues related to sex that would be intolerable to me. But those issues would be the problem; not the preceding lack of sex.
Wow-I thought on the heels of the other thread that my perspective here was obvious. The time periods in the poll are referring to how long they abstained before they met you, NOT how long they will remain so AFTER they meet you.
I meant:
Someone has been celibate for X years before they met you, but are willing to break their dry streak with you at some point.
Vs. what some people are reading into it:
Someone has been celibate, you meet them, and they still wish to remain so even tho they might end up or be in a relationship with you.
Just to be 100% clear, it’s the first one, tho you are free to discuss the 2nd if you wish (or drop examples of people you have met who fit that profile).
In my case, if I meet the right woman, then you can pencil me into category #1 too.
That’s how I interpreted it, but obviously not everybody got that, so I don’t think the poll results are going to be all that meaningful.
My answer: it depends on why the person had been celibate, but there is not amount of celibacy that would necessarily be a deal-breaker. I’m assuming it’s quite possible to have a healthy and enthusiastic sex life with a partner after a long period of celibacy, but I’d be interested in any evidence, even anecdotal, for or against that assumption.
