Ethicially or morally what is the right thing to do? Someone go for custody. Either N should return to Alberta, establish himself and go for custody, or else W should get O locked away for as long as possible, and as repeatedly as possible, have child services place the child with W as a foster parent, and then use the time as a foster parent to establish a status quo to help with a custody fight once O gets out of the can and tries to get the child back from child services.
Fair enough.
Well, just to further complicate things, W has two children of her own that are her primary concern.
Unfortunatly, the child has started exhibiting behaviours that are typical for a child who’s primary care giver has BPD. It’s potentially not safe for W to have the child in her house with her much younger children.
Really, unless O goes back to jail of her own accord (i.e. she fucks up, AGAIN) no one is going to be seeking custody of the child. As I said - the child is old enough that they would need to stand up in court and say they want to live with N or W instead of mom which just isn’t going to happen.
In this particular scenario, O has fucked things up so royally that W and N can really only do damage control and try to make sure child has clothes and supplys for school, and try to be as supportive as possible without actually having primary custody.
I’m leaving a LOT out of this in order to try to preseve a bit of privacy. Please take my word for it when I say that it’s just not possible (due to O’s actions) for W or N to get custody without the mother of all shit storms. Now, if O really fucks up (AGAIN) that could potentially happen but it would create such a horrible situation (more horrible than it is now) neither of them want to do that - it is really and truely a last resort.
The poor kid! Stuck with O with no viable alternative. That really sucks. And yes, I can appreciate why N and W can not realistically step in at this point.
I know! Worst of all is that the child knows O is a loser to the N’th degree - that’s gotta suck - knowing your mom is a total shit stain. Like I said, every time I think I about O I want to pour bleach in her eyes.
Honestly, when she was in jail we were all secretly hoping she would get shived in the yard and be dead. Can you imagine - a dead mother being less of an emotional mind-fuck for a kid than a live one!!
Anyhow - N and W are doing the best they can to be supportive and help the child out without actually rocking the boat too much. It really, really sucks.
Hmmm. This is sticky. Ethically, I’d say that if he truly cares about the child’s welfare, he’d make a case for custody. However, the circumstances are such that it might truly upset everything to do so. Might I suggest he set up a trust for the child instead of support? This way the young man will have at least something for himself if and when he graduates high school or college. Alternatively, if he has the financial resources, he might also be willing to foot the bill for the young man to a boarding school, thus getting him away from the shitstain, and ensuring his care without having to have him in the home.
This is an interesting idea. I don’t know if O would go for it and ultimately, unless someone else is going for custody, O has to go for it.
I also don’t know where there’s a boarding school around here - I don’t think N would want to foot the bill to send the child to Switzerland. 
Yes, there are boarding schools in Alberta.
BTW, as a day boy (non-boarder), I attended a boarding school in Oakville, Ontario. It was a truly wonderful experience.
There are boarding schools just about everywhere if you look for them.
This may fall under the situational details you can’t describe, but would N be willing to get custody and then send the child to boarding school? My primary worry there would be if the child’s behavior issues are bad enough to get him kicked out; N would have to deal with him while trying to find another that would take him. Also it probably wouldn’t be all psychologically healthy for the kid to be rejected like that by his father.
I suppose that would also take us back to O’s ultimatum about never seeing her again. (I doubt that she could enforce the bit about her family without said family’s cooperation. Then again, if none of them have been willing to step up before now, they might be big enough losers to do it anyway.)
I would think, if the family situation is really that bad and family court knows it, the child’s opinion could very well be discounted if it came before the judge. There’s no real reason (unless it’s some wacky law there) that the court needs to listen to a minor if they don’t think it’s in his best interests.
OK, here’s an out-there idea. You didn’t specify how old he is. If he’s old enough - say, 16 or so - and has a clean record, perhaps he can become emancipated, and N could start sending the support directly to him to live on.
N won’t petition for custody. N has never wanted children. He’s not willing to petition to get custody of this one.
The emacipation thing is interesting, but won’t be a possibility for at least a few years yet.
The custody situation will have to stay as is - the only possible modification is where support is sent.