Deadbeat Son of a Bitch Sperm Donor

The BBQ Pit
1

Ok. I’m a single parent. I work full time, have never been on welfare, and take very good care of my child.

The Government of the NWT has deemed that my son’s father only has to pay $75.00 per month in child support. Apparently the judge has never had to raise a child on a single income - not one at the same level of mine, anyway.
The order was originally prepared in the amount of $350.00 per month, which is more than enough. I’m not out to screw him out of his paycheque. I don’t want a free ride. I have a stable career and make good money. Well, he didn’t pay even ONCE at that level, and dropped off of the face of the planet.

Fast forward three years. He’s tired of working under the table and goes back to actually working legally. The Government didn’t garnishee his wages. That’s fine with me. As I said, I was not out to screw him over. The judge hauled his ass into court over the amount in arrears, and varied the order to $75.00. That’s just about enough to pay for - what? A week of daycare? Not even that, in the NWT. I have always offered free and reasonable access to him, even though I don’t like him or anything about his lifestyle. He has called to see his son exactly six times since we split when the boy-o was 9 months old. He is now 7 and a half.

I’m pretty patient. I didn’t freak when it hadn’t been paid by the 11th of the month. It is now the 19th. I had to tell my kid today that we can’t afford to go to McDonald’s for supper because his father hadn’t paid his child support.

Seventy-five fucking dollars. He is a bartender. He makes more than that in tips in a few hours. He spends more than that on a trip to his drug dealer. He spends more than that putting gas into the BRAND NEW TRUCK that he drives.

I’ve contacted Maintenance Enforcement before about this. March of this year, he didn’t pay. I let it slide for about two weeks, then I called.

I was informed that since “He’s been paying pretty good all along, I can’t really enforce this.” What the hell? What the fuck good is Maintenance Enforcement if it doesn’t enforce? Do your job!

April and May were paid on time. And now here I am, sorely broke after a big huge far-away move, not being able to afford to take my kid to McD’s because his useless piece of shit sperm donor won’t live up to his court-ordered obligation.

And before anyone tells me that I should have kept my legs together, FUCK YOU. It was a long term relationship, we were engaged to be married. We got along just fine until he started fucking around and smoking up more than once an hour. I have never depended on the government and taxpayers to pay my way.

I don’t give a shit if he pays $5 a month or $500 a month. He helped bring this life into the world and he should damned well help to raise him, even if it’s only in a few bucks a month or at least a phone call on his birthday. My kid doesn’t have a daddy because you’re a greasy fuckup. At least help out financially so that he doesn’t turn out like you.

[/end rant]

Sorry if this isn’t a lovely cohesive piece. I’m a little bit more than upset right now.

2

And this, my dear sweet lady, is what gives us Real Men a bad name.

It’s a shame “modern” society allows people to not take responsibility for their actions.

Would that the world had more people like you. (And fewer cockpockets like him.)

3

I agree with your entire rant except that part. I don’t think it helps to try and engender bad feelings in the kiddo. Lord knows it’s tough to bite your tongue when you’re getting hosed, but taking the high road gives you some moral satisfaction, anyway.

Maybe someday the deadbeat will come around and begin to construct a relationship with your son. If that does happen, it will be easier if your son can see him as someone other than the prick that held out on his mother.

Don’t give up on the Maintenance Enforcement. Pester them until they finally do something. Automatic deduction from his paycheck, maybe?

4

Preach on sister.

My motherfucking former brother-in-law wanted a new truck. The only way to afford this, apparently, was to drop insurance on his two children. This worked out well (that is, no one knew) until my nephew broke his arm and had to head to the emergency room. This was years ago (and I am happy to report he’s become a better parent since) but I still privately seethe about the moral reasoning that made him think that was an okay move.

I know there are a million stories out there and sometimes some extenuating circumstances and also some cases where moms were either just as negelectful, or woefully wasteful of the funds given. Yes. I concede that. Ginger still has a right to rant and so do other moms in a similar position.

The response you got from enforcement was horseshit. Anyone who has ever tried to pay bills like a responsible person knows that it’s a PROBLEM when income you were supposed to get regularly doesn’t show up some months. Does your mortgage company let missed payments go because “you’re usually pretty good?” Who the fuck looks at finances that way? A court order is a court order, and when it isn’t enforced it makes a mockery of the law and of society’s stance that a parent who leaves a family can’t also duck out of all financial responsibility.

I’d continue to make a stink. I’d send a letter to Maintenance Enforcement every time this fucker blows you off. Let them do nothing, that doesn’t mean you have to roll over and do nothing yourself. You keep doing the paperwork you’re supposed to be doing, and let them keep fucking up and not doing their jobs. At some point, you’ve got an interesting story to share with someone–a newspaper, a legislator, etc. Maybe you can play a part in putting some teeth in enforcement in the future.

5

I didn’t tell him “Your father didn’t pay child support”; what I told him was that “We can’t go to McDonald’s for supper because mommy doesn’t have the money in the budget for that”.

My mom said not so pleasant things about my dad after they divorced. I’m not that kind of a person, because I know it could happen that he’ll grow up and want to be in his child’s life. I’m not about to cause irreparable damage.

6

Has someone actually said this to you?

7

Truly that sux, GOTN. Hang tough, and copy your son’s father on every piece of mail you send to Maintenance Enforcement. While that may not put him in real fear, it’ll remind him that the authorities know he’s falling-off his responsibilities.

In the meanwhile, hug your boy, and remember you’ve at least one good thing in your world.

8

Yes. Not here, though. No-one here knows much of my personal life.

Tranquilis, thank you for the kind words. I am, unbelievably though it must seem after the OP, in the best place I have been in a long time. I have a new job that I love, I like the people there, I have great friends, my child is almost 100% perfect, I live in the most beautiful place in the world.

This is the one thing in my life that refuses to work out properly. I guess I have to take the good with the bad.

9

The court has the ability to impute income if you can provide evidence. For example, $75 per month is based on an annual gross of $9400. If you can prove that he lives a lifestyle requiring significantly more than $9400 per year (e.g. if he owns and drives a vehicle, or has a decent apartment), or if you can show that he probably earns under-the-table income (e.g. get folks at his work to provide affidavits), then you can ask the court to vary the support amount based on imputed income. The onus is on you to provide the evidence. Until you come up with something, the court will have to accept his figures.

Here is a link to the child support guidelines tables for the NWT. Remember that this is only a minimum base level, and that special expenses, such as a reasonable proportion of day care, are in addition. http://canada.justice.gc.ca/en/ps/sup/grl/tbl1_4/nwt_b.pdf

Here is a link to some solid case law to support a claim for a variation in child support based on imputed income (scroll down to subsection 19). http://www.canada.justice.gc.ca/en/ps/sup/grl/intann.html

You might have to wait many months since the last court order before applying to vary the order, but by claiming that new evidence has become available concerning imputed income, you might be able to do the variation earlier.

Good luck.

10

Why is the payment based on the amount of money the father makes? Shouldn’t it be based on what the kid costs? Child support is becoming a new form of alimony.

11

Sorry, nothing to add, but this is by far the best thread title I have seen in quite a while.

12

Not without a fight, you don’t.

Figure out what your time is worth, and don’t spend more energy than $75 worth, each month he’s late, trying to get payment. But do something each time he’s late, if only to avoid feeling like you’re “taking it lying down”.

13

This system makes sense to me. To show why:

Guy is a movie star. He gets Girl pregnant, but doesn’t want to take care of the kid. Girl works a minimum wage job. Should the kid be deprived of anything more than basic necessities 'cause he doesn’t live with his dad?

Sorry for the hijack, Ginger. OT, that guy does sound like a total asshole (duh). He’ll get his due eventually (and hopefully, so will you :))

14

I agree that Mr. Semen Dribble should pay something just on principle. However, I wonder if your child’s life would be better without any involvement from dad whatsoever…

Just wondering.

15

This varies from jurisdiction to jurisdiction, but the idea is that the amount he would spend on the child in an “intact” home is a factor in how much child support he should pay. Obviously, his income has an effect on this. The custodial parent’s income should also be considered, IMO.

16

I am sure it would be. But I will NOT deprive him of knowing his father, asshole though he may be. When my son is older, he can make his own decisions. I don’t force him into anything…his father can see him when he wants to. Doesnt bother, though. Also, in Canada, visitation and support are two completely different issues in the eyes of the law.

17

[facetious]If all else fails, just call up a handful of female friends and file a bunch of paternity suits against him all within a few weeks of each other. Then sit back and watch him freak.[/facetious]

18

That wouldn’t be hard to do.
He’s got three other children. All post-my boy, though. Thank you, Levesque ruling!

19

How much does it cost to raise a child? For poor people,it costs little in absolute terms, but a great deal in relative terms. For rich people it costs a lot in absolute terms, but little in relative terms.

That’s why in Canada the basic level of child support is tied to income. The idea behind it is to provide the child with a lifestyle similar to what he or she would have had prior to the breakup of the relationship.

You might wish to think through your position on child support becoming a new from of alimony, for there is a large difference in economic position between predominantly male support payors and predominantly female support recipients.

Here is a short report which runs through the stats. http://canada.justice.gc.ca/en/ps/sup/pub/rap/SelStats.pdf
Probably most telling is that over sixty percent of families where the mother is the single parent are existing in poverty, while at the same time over eighty percent of single parents are women. When comparing male single working parents against female single working parents, there is about a $10,000 income gap. Note that this does not include welfare moms. In light of figures such as this, I think it is very difficult to claim that children’s needs are being met and that child support is becoming a new form of alimony. In short, although both parents take a financial hit when establishing separate households, women and children suffer the brunt.

20

Basing the amount of money sent in child support on the amount of income of the parent forced to pay seems to contradict the claim that it is strictly for the child’s welfare. I think some kind of system where the parent matches what the other parent spends on the kid would be fairer. The parent could save receipts for day-care, groceries, and other expenses and have the other parent pay half of that. One could set up guidelines on how much it costs on average for a single person to live in the area and then subtract that from the bills they have to pay due to having a bigger home, higher grocery bills, etc., stuff that isn’t being spent directly on the child but that the child adds to the expense of. I don’t see any flaws in that plan that can’t be overcome. There would have to be a well-documented appeal process to handle people who falsify their expenses or situations where the parent can prove that they couldn’t afford to live on what the expected expenses for a single person in the area.