Fuck you Child Support Recovery (or Deadbeat dads part 2)

I just got a notice in the mail that they are holding our State income tax.
Now, last month we got a notice that they were changing his his child support since he was a week or so behind so he would catch up.
They also took child support out of his unemployment so he wouldn’t get behind, and we were paying 5 dollars extra a week so this wouldn’t happen.
So, where did all this money go? The payment and a half a week, the unemployment payment, and the five extra week?
They don’t know they don’t care, they are taking the state anyway.
My husband is a roofer, and didn’t work for two whole weeks and so he got behind. Otherwise we have never missed a payment.
WTF? Are we not allowed to live also?
My sons father only has to make a payment once every 90 days, and they say there is nothing that they can do to him as long as he meets this dead line.
We miss two weeks, and tried to make it so it wouldn’t happen by over paying every week and having it taken out of the unemployment.
That state check was supposed to buy his daughter new glasses since she has to go to a specialist they are quite expensive. Well, I guess she will get them either way, but hey, how shitty does that make us look?
What the deal is is that they set his child support when he was in the service and set it with BAQ which was set for the third of every month to be paid. Well, now he is out, and gets paid week to week, and since it doesn’t get paid all on the third, he becomes delinquent. And to them it doesn’t matter, they will not change the date to later in the month.
I think they enjoy being mean to men. I think they hire bitter women who love to stick it to men at every turn. The one lady told me that may kids don’t matter. Who cares if he has two biological children that he lives with, he needs to pay for the one he doesn’t and let the new ones live and do without.
I love his daughter like my own, and we would do anything for her under the sun, but should we have to live like this? And when we have the five kids together we don’t get to go and do things with them since we are living paycheck to pay check, and then we get to feel like shit.
There are men and women out there who truly deserve this sort of treatment, but we are not them. And I understand that you are hearing this from me, and it would be different if you knew me anywhere but online, but honestly we are good people, and it is the system that fucks up a good thing.
BTW as we have all discussed before any of this can apply to women out there too, I just stated things as they are happening to me from my point of view right now, which isn’t very cheery.

I pay about $450.00/mo for one child. Some of this is back support, which accrued while I was in a back brace from back surgery.
Which they have repeatedly told me cannot be taken off, (the back child support owed.) Which is a lie. They take it off easy enough if you can afford a lawyer, I can’t though. All my money goges to child support. I have recently started making enough to where I can actually live till the next check, but there are bills I am not paying, and still times when I am at the hock shop before payday.
I love my son, and although I hate to put money her way, still, what’s good for her is good for him, with certain exceptions. And, I am actually grateful to the child support enforcement bureau in a way- I know I would be inconsistent in payments if someone wasn’t taking them out of my check.
But, to echo the op’s sentiments- I gotta live too. I know guys who live in their trucks because of the support they pay. No shit. And I ain’t too far from it myself.
Nope, I don’t think the custodial parent oughtta be shortchanged. But to fix that by impoverishing the other parent is jsut as bad.
And yeah, they do seem to employ people, women especially, who have an, ah, aptitude for sticking men. Maybe they see a lot of inequity the other way, I don’t know. But still, to paint everybody with the same brush is shitty.
When I got a settlement, I could have had it in payments and been able to keep 1/2 of it, or taken it all at once, and they would have taken the whole thing. It was christmas, I had no money. So, I opted for the whole thing at once, figuring she would get part of that, and in my heart I would have contributed to his and his siblings’ christmas. Guess what? She saw none of it.
So, despite the appreciation I expressed above, I think they’re a good idea gone wayyy bad- the things they have done to me violate their own rules.
I think they’re criminal assholes, and I hate 'em.

Let me guess, she was on state aid for a while right? Yep, kinda sucks that state aid is for the wellfare of the kids, but when it comes time for paybacks they get thiers first.
Oh, and thank you! Painting everybody with the same shitty brush describes it perfectly.
On the very last page of the notice they sent it tells me that if we decide to contest this decission and cannot afford a lawyer for it that we can get one through leagal aid.
Hey, I would use that lawyer if I could get these people to make an appointment!
I am strongly beinging to understand my husbands statement of “now we know why they sit behing three inch bullet resistant glass” He said that to the lady sitting behind it when she said there office wasn’t making appointments, that we had to call and go through DesMoinse first.
Than why in the hell is there even and office in Davenport? Maybe to ease their consience and to say they are proactive?

Scotts ex and I are best friends, so we don’t have a problem with any aspect of the whole deal except for they don’t want to seem to give honest working people a break.
Tina and her husband are going to go in with us so we can get all this shit figured out.

If a man has a child and then gets married to another woman and has children with her, his first responsibility is to the first child. Even if the current, live in children and spouse are deprived, the first child has priority.

Hey, I have a novel idea! Women, don’t be so quick to marry a guy that has kids! You know, there are single, available guys with no kids out there. I can think of 8 right off hand.

yes, Yes`, YES!!

Yes, she was. I haven’t seen any tax returns for years.
She lived in another state for a while- they charged me for both states. I went in and raised hell. They took off one state. A year or so later, it’s back on. Now I live 100 miles away from the office- literally, I can’t take off to go raise hell again. If you’re on the lower strata, economically, things go to hell, cause you don’t have the money to get them fixed correctly or in a timely manner, so I don’t even know if my car would make it, yadda yadda, it’s a vicious circle. I hate it.
That settlement? See, she is supposed to get part of any money they get from me, part of the back support is to her, after all. But, no, didn’t see a fucking penny.
God, don’t even get me started. I got lots of horror stories.
I just fucking hate 'em.

Good luck to you.

Oh yeah, a couple of years ago? The woman who heads this agency, her kid was some in some kind of trouble and was sentenced to someplace or other…
Anyway, she was supposed to pay some of the expenses- ‘child support’, if you will.
She took it to court to fight it…

And if they’re speaking from a clinical, rather than experiential position, ie: they’re willing to talk out their ass like you do, BD, I got no doubts they’ll, all 8 of them, stay single

What I’m saying is that the first child is your child too. Since it is first it gets covered first. I don’t understand women having children with guys who already have children and then complain that he is forced to support it and whine ‘don’t we get to live too?’. NO! You don’t. The first child comes first and if there is anything left it goes to the rest. The woman knew that the man has obligations and if she doesn’t accept it, then find someone without kids.

Must be nice to be so blissed out on ignorance that the world is yours to make pronouncements on, and, by golly, it’s all so black and white!
Thanks for your input.
Aren’t you late for that snake-handling, end-of-the-world-is-right-around-the-corner church you attend?

BlinkingDuck, may I be your kid? I’m a first and I didn’t even want my two sisters. Yea, my parents are paying for my room and board at school, and they send me money…but I think I need a car! And a house here at school, I hate the dorms. What? Becca needs braces? Who cares, she’s third, barely worth supporting at all.

I’m all for putting kids before parents. Its part of parenting. I’m not for putting individual children before families. Yes, the first child is your child and you should take care of it. No, that doesn’t make it okay to deny other children for the ‘first’. The rest of them are your children to. (Trust me, most firsts are pretty well and spoiled enough anyway. I know I am.)

And as for only marrying single people, who are you to tell anyone who to love? Who are you to make children a liability in life? You care, guess what, you get to choose who you marry by whatever screwed up system you want to.

But you don’t get to choose for anyone else. Not even a little bit. Or I’ll set you up with my ex. (Actually, thinking about it you might like that…the two of you could get along fine.) And while you are living my way, don’t have more than one kid. What you have said so far might as well be from the “How to Create a Hate Filled Serial Killer” handbook.

My wife and I have one child–ours, but that’s beside the point for this example, as is her medical condition that’s going to get me to the urologist in the near future–and there’s a reason for that: we can’t afford another. If and when financial considerations permit, we plan to adopt as a kind of karmic payback to her adoptive parents. Until that time, despite her recent diagnosis as diabetic, we decided that one was expensive enough.

Now, let’s look aside from the fact that my wife and I are still, 12 blessed years later (she’s looking over my shoulder), together. Why should we take financial considerations about our child–why should I take financial considerations about my child–any more or less seriously than someone who is no longer with the person he or she had a child with? Why should we think about not being able to afford another child while the divorce or divorcee (sorry, don’t know how to do accent marks here)ought to be able to impregnate with impunity merely because of a divorce decree?

I will agree, and have stated before on these boards, that support judgements are often draconian and one-sided. I will agree that a willing, fit parent should have visitation if he or she is paying support (notice the willing and fit part).

If a willing and fit parent is denied visitation because of a vindictive ex, then there needs to be another solution. But if you’re a good person who couldn’t make a marriage work, you’d better pay for the kid you had before you had another–no excuses. And that includes your own welfare; I’ve given my daughter the last two slices of bread and the last of the peanut butter and licked the inside of the chip bag for my lunch before. What makes you better?

That’s once!

[sub]here’s me, doin the eye thing…;)[/sub]

[sub]sweet jaysus, i gotta go to the bathroom…[/sub]

I’m guessing you’re taking exception to my statements. In any case, I’m going to reply as if you are.

{quote]why should I take financial considerations about my child–any more or less seriously than someone who is no longer with the person he or she had a child with?

You see anywhere I implied different, you let me know.

I haven’t been able to find one scintilla of mention of this above- aren’t both Kricket and I kind of, indirectly (maybe that’s the hard part for you to follow) showing that we love the kids? I kinda thought it was moot. I’m guessing that by fit, you ain’t talking about working out at the gym, although I wouldn’t be suprised if you were. No, I think you mean (please see the blissy ignorance, black/white comment above that although you have the motor skills to quote, you acutely lack the faculty to undrstand) morally fit, don’t you? is there anything she or I have said that leads you sort of imply that we might not be so? I mean, besides the fact that you are so holier-than-moi? And that apparently a good 2/3 of my and/or her statements went totally above your head and you theefore attribute them to devil rantings?

Perhaps you didn’t see above where I stated I effectively gave an injury settlement to child support so that my ex would have some christmas money- despite the fact that I had no money, and sorely needed it. I can’t count the times the kids, and their mother, literally got my last dime. Or I spent the weekend to fix her car, or used alternate transportation so she could use my car. Christ, My dogs and cats eat before I do, when it comes down to that- and it has. So, next time you’re licking that UL potato chip bag, see if you can’t get your head in it a little farther, you know, to get it all. Then, jsut stay there a while.

Your whole drivel ridden post, pretty much…

What the hell kind of logic is that? Shouldn’t all his kids be supported equally?

My SIL boyfriend was just arrested and released for not paying child support. He used to be chemist until his epilepsy reared it’s ugly head again. Now he can’t get anything more than a minimum wage job. He was blacklisted as a chemist and can’t drive for year because he has seizures. He owes $1400.00 per month to one child. They based it off his 80K/year income he used to have. He can’t have it changed until he can afford a lawyer. He makes 6.50 an hour for god’s sake!

So they arrest him, book him, and release him in a matter of hours. Is this needed? NO! they need to review his case and lower his payments. he has been sending as much as he can every month. But since he can’t pay it all, they throw him in jail?

and you’re right- they should. As much as they can in this **non-**black and white world, you hit that nail smack on the head…

I wanted to say to fifi bag contents up there:

Yeah, Kricket has started a new family with someone. I can’t believe the (rented, no doubt) balls you dare to show by suggesting she shouldn’t have. You’re beyond fucker.
As for my situation- I haven’t done that- lots of issues here, but believe me, one big one is money- I have none. One needs some to conduct a relationship, all the glurge shit notwithstanding. I been alone for about 8 years now. It’s ok, I ain’t lookin for sympathy- all that time with myself has evolved me above the rest of the human race(;)) but it sucks like I hope you have the opportunity to find out some day. In the present, I can only take comfort knowing I am spared the awful headaches you must endure from your brain not entirely filling your braincase, being constantly jarred back and forth, and the subsequent swelling. You, on the other hand, are incredibly lucky that you’ll never need tube 1 of Preparation H, you are so obviously a perfect asshole.

Now the funnn part-

MC- I didn’t go into enough depth up there-
It was so cool you did that. Now laugh with me, k?
I got this normally-crappy voice, but when I want to, I can pitch it downer and richer and authoritativer. Which is what I was doing by the first reply to Ass-Talker up there. So, then you came along, and I’ve seen ya by now, and despite that frameable g’rs rant, I know you to be gentle and nice, so there I am, deep intimidating voice, charring the hell out of them, alluvasudden, there’s this long-legged blonde demi-goddess behind me, at my shoulder, towering over me, and she yells “YEAH. um, FUCKER!!!” And makes a gril fist and thrusts it in the air a couple times, her whole body coming up with it.
You absolutely rock. I dropped, totally.

[sub]Now, about that lil ol val kilmer thing- don’t do that- my blood all puddled to my feet, I fainted, fell outta my chair, banged my head, and now i can’t get my boots off- feet are still swollen…but what you said, twice back to you- you shot up the likeometer by that and val and tombstone comments…youa a daysay[/sub]

Oh, yeah
That’s TWICE!

Hi Kricket, Sorry to hear about your current troubles. By the way, I used to be Mojo Jojo, from the last pit thread about this topic, but I had our humble TubaDiva change it for me.
The situations with you and tubagirl as you’ve posted them points out how totally fucking moronic this system is. The ‘burro’crats who self righteously uphold this shit make it even worse.
The system is completely biased against the fathers, period, in any and all divorces. No matter what happens it’s assumed that mom gets kids and dad pays. It doesn’t matter what life situations that may come up, such as inor’s case, you better make the payments or you’ll be damned.
I have seen first hand the stupidity. Mom makes a call to the courthouse, “Hi, I’m Mrs.XXX and Mr.XXX isn’t abiding by civil order # XXX”. “No problem, ma’am, we’ll have his wages attached.” is the response.(Yes, it’s just that easy). On the other hand Dad makes a call to the courthouse, “Hi, I’m Mr.XXX and Mrs.XXX isn’t abiding by civil order # XXX”. “Well sir you shouldn’t call here, call your attorney”. Is now the response, then you find out that having an Atty. file a contempt action will cost a minimum of, oh, say, $750.00, and then no results are guaranteed.
That’s how biased it is. Kricket, you seem to have a unique situation where all parties agree what is happening is wrong, and I hope you can somehow use that to your advantage, say all four of you go down there and tell them how fucked up it is. I somehow don’t see any good coming of this though, as you’ll be battling a system which is more concerned about protecting itself and the gazillions of dollars that it extracts, than it is about helping any families or children. Don’t make waves, it might show what a fucked up of a job the’re doing, ya know what I mean ?
Best of luck to all of ya, give the kids a hug !

What was happening to the extra $5? Did you specifically say it was for a situation like this? Did the ex-wife know why you were sending an extra $5? You probably would have been better off sticking the $5 each week in your own separate savings account (or a tin can in the backyard) and saving it on your own, to be able to pay her when something like this happened.
I wonder if the CS offices thought you were kicking in the extra $5 each week just to be nice. Some of those CS case workers are pretty dumb. I always had to explain things 2 or 3 times to get them to understand.

As for the child-support-paying dads and moms out there, I am covinced there are only two types…the sleazy lying lowlife scumballs who will do anything to get out of paying, and people like Kricket’s husband, who are making an honest attempt to support their kids.
My ex falls into the 1st category. He did all sorts of barely-legal shit to not pay. He did spend two weekends in jail, more for fraud than not paying. He took jobs just over the state line, and didn’t report it to the CS offices, claiming to be unemployed, he would intentionally transpose two digits on his SS number when starting a new job, leave it for a couple weeks, and then report it only to the payroll office, hoping the CS people couldn’t find him (but they did), and other crap.
When my husband adopted my daughter, my ex thought it meant he didn’t owe me any more money…he didn’t owe me any more beyond the adoption date, but at the time of the adoption he was about $4,000 behind. I got about $1,000 in little bits over the next year, but he still owes me about $3,000. I have never made any attempt to get the money, and probably never will, but it’s the principle of it that bothers me.
On the other side, deadbeat moms. My husband’s ex left him when their daughter was a baby (and I mean left…ran off with a boyfriend, disappeared for about 6 months). She has never paid one penny in CS, and he has never even tried to get money from her, although our lawyer said we could file for a judgement against her. Again, it’s the principle of it that bothers me.

I will suggest Kricket that you pressure your current husband to find a better job. Something a little more reliable. I was married to a constrution worker for years and it was always “feast or famine”. Roofing is the absolute worst. My X was out of work almost an entire winter because it rained. He finally got fed up with it and got a job as a delivery driver. Of course your husband can’t make his child support when he doesn’t work for two weeks, he can’t make his obligations at home either can he?

I’m not trying to bust your chops but I just don’t understand why you think that his child from a previous marriage, the courts or even why you are so tolerant of his insecure situation. It also amazes me to hear people call the courts inhumane because they expect healthy, able-bodied people to work and support their children. I also have no sympathy for a woman that marries a man with children to support and then bitches about his previous obligation. If you cannot support a “second” family then don’t start one.

I also don’t understand this constant rant about the courts. First of all in my state you do not need a lawyer to represent you in child support cases. If a person’s financial status has changed then you need only show proof to the court. Courts are not slanted against anyone that is honestly doing their best. People just think they can make children and then walk away from the responsiblity. It’s about time that the courts are finally doing something about it.


Sorry to hear about your problems, Kricket.

I requested that my son’s child support be reviewed for adjustments (he just turned 10 so I thought it was a good time for a review). I don’t know how much proceedured vary in each state, but I just called the ORS and had them send us the paperwork. We conpleted the financial worksheets, signed some legal documents, then mailed it back into ORS. Two months later I received additional documents to sign and mail back. Two months after that, my child support was adjusted.

The rate of support is now adjusted with up-to-date financial information and it didn’t cost either one of us a cent to do this.

I guess I am just wondering why it is so difficult for some of these fathers to have their support adjusted to reflect current wages.

Child Support Laws must be different from State to State. My ex and I had to fill out detailed worksheets showing our gross monthly income and all of our expenses each month. They then figured up how much his support payments would be each month and what percentage of shared expenses he had to pay. If either one of us wants to try to lower/raise the support payment we just have to contact their office and they will mail us new Child Support Worksheets. We fill them out and mail them in and that’s it. We don’t even need a lawyer. Is that an option for anyone else??

My ex is wanting to lower his support payment so he contacted the office and got the forms mailed to me. I’m not going to do it though. He got to claim our daughter on his taxes this year and got back a monstorous return. I’m still living paycheck to paycheck and even taking $50 a month off his support is going to hurt me! That’s $600 a year that I won’t have and I’m not getting any tax money back because I didn’t claim her.

If he needs more money he shouldn’t have bought a brand new truck and he shouldn’t be spending all his time in the bar pissing his money away, and he shouldn’t be going to Colorado to go skiing for a week. I don’t feel a bit sorry for him when it comes to his finances. He needs to get his priorities straight and learn how to budget his money. I’m just glad that it comes directly out of his check and I don’t have to wait for him to pay me directly… I’d never see the money if I had to wait for him to write me a check.