Fuck every dipshit that says socialism with an eye roll and a valley girl ‘whatever’ voice. You know who is a socialist country that’s not so bad? We are. The United States. We good and righteous defenders of free markets everywhere are also socialists.
Medicare and Medicaid and Social Security are socialist. The police who protect you from the worst of us, and the guys who rush into burning buildings to save your Abba records and your cocker spaniel. Those guys are paid for through socialism.
The freeway that lets you careen to work at speeds unimaginable through most of human history, paved in the dead of night by magical tar elves who live only to paint the horizon with ribbons of buttery asphalt. Those are communally funded.
The biggest, strongest, most technologically advanced military in the history of the world, the guys who won the cold war, defending us against the socialist menace, are publically funded.
The junior high dance where you talked to Lindsey Jean Applejack as you as stared at the constellation of freckles across the bridge of her nose and hoped as you slow danced that she wouldn’t notice your boner brushing ever so slightly against the inside of her thigh, knowing you should pull away, but hypnotized by the feeling, hoping heaven would be so nice. That was a socialist funded affair.
The airports that lets you see the see the pyramids, or the Parthenon, or the white sand beaches of everywhere warm and delicious, or to see your cancer ravaged dad, the best man you ever knew, one last time before he slips into the night. Those are built and supported by taxes, as well and the guy who feels you up and looks at your sort of naked silhouette in an x-ray, which admittedly sucks, but he’s just making sure you don’t have a bomb under your nuts and trying to save up to buy his daughter (who’s a nice person and really good at math) a second hand car.
The Lincoln Memorial and Mount Rushmore are publicly funded, and arguably mostly useless, but also pretty cool, and what’s the point of living if you can’t make a giant fucking statue out of a mountain every once in a while just to let the bears and the possums know who’s boss?
The crazy bastards who flew into OUTER SPACE and the rocket scientists who put them there, the guys who paved the way for the space age, the guys who made cell phones and satellite tv possible, the guys without whom you wouldn’t be watching the Eastern Romanian bantamweight wrestling semi-finals at 3am on a Tuesday for no good reason other than you can. They were public employees. Badass, mutherfucking public employees.
That high school teacher who took a little extra interest in you in spite of the fact that you were sullen and judgmental and dead set against ever making anything of yourself, but also, maybe, underneath all that crusty horseshit, he could see you were a little bit smart too. He’s a commie.
Even GM is socialist now, and the 67 Chevelle is the crowning achievement of the science age.
We’re a mixed economy. Some things are private and some public, and not because of any moral imperative, but because both systems seem to work a little better at some things and not so well at others. Because the world is big, and people are complicated, and no one system is ordained by the maker and perfect at everything. We are brilliant and brave and ambitious, but we are also petty and mean and frequently full of shit, and it takes a grab bag of approaches to keep the world humming along. And that’s FUCKING OK. Who made you the almighty defender of the philosophical musings of some long dead Scottish twat in a powdered wig anyway?
You know who else is a mixed economy? Fucking everyone. You know why? Because it fucking kinda works. Settle the fuck down and try a decaf every now and then.
