I won the sweepstakes!

I won! I won! What can I buy for you guys? Tell me what you want.
See: it came in todays mail!

Dear Sir/Madam,
We happily announce to you the draw (#942) of the online Sweepstakes
International program held on 08th of December,2007. Your e-mail address attached to TICKET NUMBER: 1416-4612-750 with SERIAL NUMBER:3187-17 drew the LUCKY DREW NUMBERS:31-17-8-28-55 (bonus no.25), which subsequently won you the lottery in the 2nd category i.e match 5 plus bonus.You have therefore been approved to claim total sum of £2,500,000.00 (Two Million Five Hundred Thousand Great Britain Pound Sterling) in cash credited to your file .To file for your claim, Please contact our claims agent : MR.JOHN WRIGHT Official email:johnwright_04@yahoo.co.uk

Endeavour to contact him with the following informations:

  1. Full Names 2. Contact Address 3. Telephone Number 4. Age 5. Sex
  2. Nationality 7. Occupation 8. Winning information

Yours faithfully,
Amelia Hunts(Mrs).

Hot damn!

Can I have a pony? Pretty please? I promise I’ll take care of it!

Plus, they’re psychic: the drew isn’t until next December. So, you have time to get your financial plans in order.

h. sapiens: Pony. Check.

Ethilrist: Psychic. You’re right - they are psychic.

Oh could you buy me a house? I’m fed up with renting.

I watched a UK TV program on this. They gave an example where two crooks sit opposite each other answering phone calls from punters who think they’ve won a lottery. :rolleyes:
Both have the same script:

“European Sweepstakes, how can I help you? Certainly you have a winning ticket - let me pass you to our Claims Department.”

They now swap phones and continue:

“Claims Department … yes that’s right. Just give me your full bank details and we’ll pay in your winnings!”

I want a new pair of glasses, and a trip to Cancun with some of the ruins thrown in with a guide, then send me for a bit to New South Wales in Astralia. I’ve always wanted to see the Carpathian mountains, Germany, Britian, Ireland, Scotland, and Peru.

I want a fun-filled week-long holiday to Victoria Island in beautiful Lagos, Nigeria.

I’d like a fun filled year on a tropical island with Keeley Hazel.

Any island, I’m not picky

while we’re on the subject of islands, there’s one down in the lower bahamas i’ve got my eye on. could i have that? the dive master and i will bring our own dive equipment.

god, i miss turks and caicos…

Wasn’t that just an advert? I don’t remember what is was selling but it had the line “If you don’t look after your money, someone else will.”

I’m making my list and checking it twice -

Naughty gets first pick.

May I have a lot of meaningless sex with Marisa Tomei…?

whaddaya mean, you can’t buy that…?

odd that the head of a international sweepstakes would have only a yahoo email account…

May I have a sedan chair and the men to man it?

I won a car about ten years ago. I recieved the notification of my fabulous prize in the mail-- a postcard, actually. So, I decided to call the number and claim my prize. When I spoke to the representative, I learned that not only did I get the car, but also a sum of cash! Yippee!

“Aren’t you excited?” the rep asked me. He’d get my details in a moment, but first he wanted to tell me about what his company did. They sold vitamins, you see-- the most amazing, ground-breaking medically advanced vitamins out there, and I could get a year’s supply for only $600. And since they were giving me a car and the cash prize, you know . . .

“Sure, I’ll buy them!” I said cheerfully. “Deduct the sum right off the top of my winnings.”

He stammered for a moment, apparently never having met with such a response before and explained why he couldn’t do that. “No problem,” I said. “As soon as my check clears, I’ll send you the money right away.”

His demeanor changed to brisk officiousness. (Might as well reel in the line and cast again. This fish wasn’t bitin’.) He told me that a representative would arrive on Thursday with my check and we would go to the local dealership to pick out my car.

Every Thursday since then, I’ve kept an eye out for him.

I thought that was just a Monty Python usage (Mrs.)!

I’ll take sex with Marisa Tomei and Count Blucher.