I’m sure we’ve had a few threads on “what would you do if you won the lottery?” and the answers are likely as predictable as an atomic clock; pay off debt, buy a nice house, invest, go on trips, maybe start a business, blah blah bah.
Okay, suppose you do all those things. Anyone would. But you’d gotta pull ONE silly stunt that only rich people can pull, right?
Mine would be that I’d do whatever it took to get on Jeopardy!. I’d go to every audition, do every online test, offer bribes if need me. Then, once I finally got on and was a contestant, I’d deliberately shank every question with some bizarre, insane answer:
SOME OTHER CONTESTANT: I’ll take “The 50 States” for $400, Alex.
ALEX: “This state has the most coastline of any state.”
(I ring in)
ALEX: Rick?
ME: What is my throbbing member?
ALEX: Uh… incorrect.
SOME OTHER GUY: (Ring) What is Alaska?
ALEX: Er, yes… go ahead, Some Other Guy.
SOME OTHER GUY: I’ll take Know Your Periodic Table for $800.
ALEX: “This element’s symbol is Wf.”
(I ring in again.)
ALEX: Er, Rick?
ME: What is, That Hooker I Left For Dead In a Motel Room I’d Checked Into Under An Assumed Name?
ALEX: Umm, sorry.
And so on for 22 glorious minutes. I would be a legend.
The millions will be needed for my defense fund, but flashmob a whole bunch of grocery stores subtly attaching new almost-but-not-the-same labels to all of their bottles of horseradish of different brands (printing appropriate labels for each brand of course) boasting various %'s of horsemeat. Pick one brand to have a label loudly proclaim “Now with 50% more horse!” :dubious: I’m tired, and need coffee, what do you expect?
Mine too, especially after having a couple thousand shiny stickers made with butterflies and teddy bears to give out to little kids who wander off when their parents are not watching them.
In addition to the butterflies and teddy bears the sticker would clearly say “Mommy, whats a pedophile?”
I’d build a castle. A big damn fairy-tale castle. And then I’d have an entire wardrobe of historical clothing made by this lady, with plenty of options for visitors. And then I’d enslave an entire village, probably with gingerbread cottages or a comprehensive medical plan, and make them serve me. If I cannot build a time machine, then I will bring the time to me.
It may not be as wild’n’crazy as other people’s choices, but I think my family would probably have me committed. Or go wild with power and force me to lock them in the dungeon.
I’d build a giant slingshot and hurl myself into the air, then pop out my wings, fire my engines and fly around for a while. When it was time to stop, I’d fly up to my catcher airplane and hook on using my velcro suit. Then I’d climb in and go back to home base and do it all over again.
I’d also rent a bunch of drones and use them to skywrite over various intractable trouble spots, in the appropriate languages: “You people are being idiots. Calm down and smarten up, or we’ll give the whole area to the Martians.”
I saw a link here recently about Dracula’s castle being for sale… does buying a probably run-down castle in Romania to fix and turn into a hotel/museum (Parador Nacional style), with a wing for a low-cost hostel and one large room for myself count as a dumb stunt?
Me no speakee Romanian but it shouldn’t be too hard to pick up.
I would buy as many season tickets as possible for the new Cowboys stadium being built. I would then give the Redskins @ Dallas tickets (along with airline tickets and prepaid hotel accomidations) to avid Washington D.C. area Redskins fans. Then there would be whole areas of the new Cowboy stadium filled with burgundy and gold for every home versus the Redskins game. The seats would then sit empty the rest of the year. That ought to piss off Jerry “Facelift” Jones.
The best thing about winning would be the call I’d make to my office:
Hello, Boss. Did you hear about the $25 million lottery. Yeah, there was one winning ticket. Mines.
That would be the last they wouild ever hear from me (though I think it would be fun to stay at work, never mention being the winner, and not redeem the ticket to the last possible day. Everyone would wonder WHY you did it that way).
I’ve already considered that if I ever come into a large amount of money (would take more than $25 mil though), I could set up some sort of a legal entity and secretly buy out a huge chunk of the company I work for. Of course, that part wouldn’t be secret, but what nobody would know that the company that just bought most of us is that guy in that cubicle over there. Then I’d time it just right and start arguing with my manager in front of the boardroom, and at some awesome point cut him in the middle of a sentence with “I’m sorry, I’m going to be late for the board meeting” and walk into the room.
You know how in movies some rich people go around giving people bright shiny dimes? I would like to do that here in Saudi Arabia. Only instead of dimes, I would have high-quality bumper stickers printed up, the kind that are impossible to remove. They would say “This car was illegally parked.”
I would leave them on the smack dead center of car windshields. Just my little way of spreading some joy in random people’s lives.
Oooooh–I’d get all the silent movies in vaults all over the world restored, musically scored and released on DVD! There’s thousands of them we’ll never see because not enough people will buy the DVDs to make it pay off.