What would you do for $1 million?

I am thinking of creating my own reality show. Maybe I will call it “Who wants to be a millionaire?” If it gets off the ground, and there are no contractual problems, I would like someone like Regis Philbin to host it. Now granted I have not shopped it to networks, have no budget, and really have nothing more than the concept. I do have an urge to audition people interested in appearing on the show.
The concept is simple. What would you do for $1million? You have 15 minutes (minus commercial time) to do whatever it is you would do. Four contestants will be shown each week. One is chosen to advance–haven’t figured out how yet. At the end of the season, the winners of each week will repeat their act, or change it to something else in order to win the million. A worldwide call in, or internet vote will determine who gets the prize.

Granted, a million dollars may be a life changing amount to some people, and some viewers/contestants may already have that in the bank. So there may be some different ideas of what some people would do.

So, what would you do? Would you compete, would you even watch?

The above is meant for entertainment purposes only. I am not creating a reality show. Replying to the thread will in no way obligate either the poster, nor the creator of this thread to anything. You will not receive any financial compensation for posting to this thread, you will not be called for an audition, and I do not know what Regis is like in person.

SSG Schwartz

There’s not a chance I’d do anything as outrageous as many of the other wannabes that frequently do all sorts of degrading and stupid things just to get on TV with no particularly significant financial incentive, so my answer is that I would probably write the thing off as hopeless and not even try.

Put a sharp knife to the neckof a white teddy bear with a pink bow on its head and say “if I don’t get the million dollars the head is coming off.” This teddy bear would have a programmable voice chip so when I squeezed the stomach it would say “Help me! Mommy please help me!”

It seems unwise to volunteer a deed to do until you see what others are doing first, don’t you think? I wouldn’t want to say I would wrestle an alligator then find out about Arnold and his teddy bear, if you know what I mean.

Similarly, I wouldn’t want to threaten to decapitate a teddy if some big musclebound nutcase was going to wrestle an alligator.

That is the reason behind the two rounds. You can change you act based upon what you think will win in the second round. So, I am asking what you would do in the first round.

BTW, Arnold, you could get an audition if you could make the bear spurt blood.

SSG Schwartz

Are you calling me a musclebound nutcase? I am so offended! I am definitely on the pudgy side I’ll have you know! Well I, never ! Well there was that one time that I was in asshole camp…

Have you ever seen the Magic Christian with Peter Sellers and Ringo Starr? It’s premise is quite similar, and the final scene is really quite gross.

Most of the things I would do for $1 million are illegal in this state. If you somehow arrange for full immunity it might get very interesting.

I stand by my offer to have a threesome with Jessica Alba and Keira Knightley for a million dollars.

I will consult with the legal dept. Maybe we could commute your sentence if you win.

SSG Schwartz

The minimum.

Well, I’d certainly sleep with Robert Redford for a million bucks.

What would I do for a million in the scenario you describe…?

Well I would offer to do what ever the second place contestant did, plus give out my private email adress…

game theory rocks

For a million, I would sleep with Robert Redford, and I’m a straight guy.

What would I do? you name it buddy, I’ll do it

Sgt Schwartz, I hope you won’t see this as an irrelevant hijack, but your question puts me in mind of a little bit that a work buddy and I came up with long before the advent of the Million Dollar Prize Reality Show. We’re talking 15-20 years ago. Even in those days there were all sorts of gimmicks on the radio and TV where folks could win beaucoup money by doing something ridiculous like being the fourth caller or buying the first new Kia on the lot at Fug Queue Motors.

Our idea was that you would get this mystery phone call from some telemarketing slut who would coo in your ear, “Mr. Schwartz, your name has been selected from all the people who live in your area code to receive this Heart Sunday gift of One Million Dollars. No obligation. Nothing to buy. Totally free!”

You say, “Oh, yeah? What do I have to do for it?”

She says, “As I say, it’s totally free with no obligations. You just have to come to our offices to pick up your money and sign a release form. That’s all, and the money is yours.”

You say, “Fuck it” and hang up.

That’s pretty much me. I wouldn’t mind having a million more dollars, but I’m not going to any special trouble for it. I hate hassles.

I reckon there’s a pretty even mix of things I would and wouldn’t do for $1M.

I would endure a fair amount of abuse, exert myself in an extreme manner, or do something appallingly disgusting for it, but I wouldn’t exceed the bounds of decency in terms of the fact I’m a married family man and wouldn’t do anything that would harm them or our relationship.

I would work a job I hated for ten years, using up about 9500 hours of my life.

Alternately I would work a job I loved for twenty.

Or I could work a job I hate, marry someone who I loved, but that hated her job and get it done in five.

Or something with a burrito made of pigeon poop to get it done in ten minutes.

A million could buy significant insulation from all sorts of future hassles. I can’t honestly believe you’d turn it down just because you had to get the car out to go and collect it.