If it’s a guaranteed million and if it’s a competition are two different things. If you tell me I have to do something measuring up to some parameters - like sleep with Robert Redford, yuck - and then I get a million, hell yeah, I’m there. If I have to compete week after week on national television with some stupid events then count me out.
Not to say there isn’t some things I would do, but none of them would be outrageous enough to gain your attention I’m sure.
Yeah. It was mostly a joke. I just want to be tested!
I’d thoroughly lick the asshole of a cat.
I’d watch **pool ** thoroughly lick the asshole of a cat.
I’d watch **Atomicktom **watch **pool **…nah, never mind.
Sleep? In bed with Robert Redford, and you’d sleep?! 
When thoroughly licking the asshole of a cat, do you have to hold the tail up, or does the cat do it for you?
The cat will not only hold up its tail, it will back aggressively toward your tongue.
I’m getting a funny feeling that some people aren’t really interested in the money.
That brings up the question though. Do they have to split the million or do they get a million each?
I think I’m with you. It can’t be too easy otherwise, I’m not putting down the remote control and getting dressed.
Now for something completly different…
How about thoroughly liking Robert Redford’s cat’s asshole.
SSG Schwartz
For a million bucks I’d like his cats ass plenty 
See that’s why I wouldn’t even attempt it - there’s no way I could compete with you cats-ass-lickers. Oh, I know people will say “but if you saw the money, you’d capitulate and lick the cat’s ass”. No, I really wouldn’t. Not for a million, not for ten million. I will not lick it here or there, I will not lick it anywhere.
Someone else gets the million. I get to stay poor and occasionally wistfully regret not being brave enough. That’s better, IMO, than being rich and occasionally remembering that I licked a cat’s ass.
As far as TV shows go I think it would be pretty crappy and not go very far.
Reason being they already attempt similar type contests and they end up being pretty boring. A local radio show here did the “What would you do for a Playstation 3?” thing last year. Since you can’t really do anything dangerous for fear of network or radio station getting sued (no chugging a bottle of Jack Daniels, no leaping off a moving car, etc.) you usually end up with someone eating something gross which everyones already seen a hundred times on Fear Factor. Or it’s some kind of endurance stunt where they’ll sit in a tree for a week.
Doesn’t really make for compelling television.
I see now I would also have to compete with cat-ass-lickers, so if you really want an interesting show (it might take more than 15 minutes), and you can guarantee immunity, and offer much more than a million dollars (I’m not sure how much yet, I’m thinking about it, probably at least $10 mil):
I can catch, slaughter and butcher an audience member of my choice, then cook their liver and eat it. 
Charles Barkley already bottom-lined this when he asked a bunch of male reporters at a news conference a few years ago if they would “suck a dick for a million.” Seeing that they were unable to get over their shock, he answered for them. “Of course you’d suck a dick for a million dollars. Hell, I’d suck a dick for million dollars.”*
Funny stuff. However, let me rephrase the question just for you: “What would you *eat * for a million dollars,” keeping in mind the more exotic, non-mainstream foodstuff gives you more of a chance of getting the million.
I dunno. This is going to come as a bit of a shock and disappointment to some, but I don’t actually eat everything. I do in fact limit myself to things that I think there’s at least a remote chance I’ll enjoy eating.
I’ll eat some kinds of bugs for a million, probably live ones, but I wouldn’t eat stinkbugs, for example.
I’m really not all that good at this sort of thing when the pressure is on, so I think I’d probably just shrug and not take part.
**groman,
**
I like the way you think, and based upon your input, I consulted the Justice Department, the program’s legal department, the producers of the show, and also the League of Women voters. Unfortunately, total immunity is out. I was also advised that murdering audience members generally tends to keep people out of the studio. The production team feels that we may have a better chance of having a successful program if we can keep people in the studio.
Have discussed this issue with the legal team also. We have a very firm liability vaiver that must be read before you appear on the program. One of the clauses in the waiver allows the creator of the show to become a non-contributing house guest for a period of no less than six months of anyone who tries to sue anyone involved with the program.
SSG Schwartz
That’s a pity, really. Maybe it could be a surprise or perhaps if I limit myself to crew or fellow contestants? There’s many things I’d do but I draw a line at permanent damage to myself or excessive humiliation. I briefly considered offering to shoot myself somewhere non-lethal and then remove the bullet but then I can’t think of a place that’s likely non-lethal (nor causes major damage) that’s not going to go right through.
But hell, for only $100K, I’ll read Charles Dickens for 15 minutes. For $900K more I will refrain from doing so out loud.
I spit beer on my moniter over that one, but that go you the lead off position in the pilot episode.
SSG Schwartz