If he ever needed a date, he could always go the the cemetary and dig one up.
Where?
Doh! I knew someone would pull me up on that.
Many people interpret the bible as saying:
- Jesus is God.
- God is Jesus’s father.
- ie. God made God’s mother pregnant.
I don’t know if that’s justified or not - I was making a joke.
BTW you missed a chance to participate in the conversation:
Jesus was a motherf*cker.
Cite?
Imagine Jesus as a kid on the playground-he’d always win the whole, “My dad can beat up your dad!” arguments.
And we thought the wilderness was temptation:
brat: My dad can beat up your dad.
devil: Smite him! Smite him!
jesus: [Turns other cheek]
And if Jesus is God, then can you imagine father/son arguments?
“Clean up your room! Wait, I’m telling myself to clean up my room? But I’m God! I don’t have to clean up my room! Mary!”
“Yes?”
“Clean up my room!”
“Don’t you talk to your mother that way!”
“But I’m God! And the father of your son. Now do as I say!”
“But I am your mother! Honor and obey your parents!”
“But I’m God! I will smite thee!”
“Then you will be grounded, young man!”
“Awww, Mom!”
And thus, confusion ensues.
And while Jesus was going through puberty, if Jesus is God, then you would think he would have added some clause to the bible that all beautiful women had to walk around naked…
Psst - He’s OMNISCIENT! No I haven’t dwelt on that thought. At all.
And omnipotent:
Mary: TIDY YOUR ROOM!
Jesus: It’s done… now.
Wouldn’t it be Jesus saying - “I can beat up your dad!!” or even
“Watch me just slay that teacher with a thunderbolt!” I doubt if there’d be much “turning the other cheek” nonsense during puberty… he’d enough problems with his raging hormones without the devil sticking his oar in [metaphorically speaking]
Jesus would be the guy that all the nerds would flock to, because the bullies would be afraid that he’d “curse their fig trees”, if you catch my meaning.
Funny you should mention that!
There were a couple of Gospels written ages and ages ago, called the “Infancy Gospels,” about Jesus’s childhood. They were considered kinda-sorta holy books but were not considered holy enough for inclusion in the New Testament.
In one of the Infancy Gospels, young Jesus causes two kids to die for being mean to him! Really!
This whole conversation is disgusting and pretty close to blasphemy as far as I’m concerned. Of course, I know nobody wants to hear anything I have to say. Why would you want to talk about the Lord in this manner? Your minds seem to have been warped by the evil one. You have no reverence for the Lord Jesus Christ. Check out Philippians 2:9-11. By the way, I had another post in this thread. Evidently somebody erased it.
His4ever, I guess we’re just all going to Hell. That is, if Hell exists. That is, if God exists. You know what? I don’t think God would be too hurt by all this. He just would probably laugh it off, like we are doing. And if his feelings are hurt so easily, then how effective of a god is he, anyway? Maybe he can go run crying to Mary now.
His4ever
Let the children play their games and amuse themselves. Think on it no more. It’s not your burden to carry. 
** My Dear Girl
You really are one for throwing your weight around and telling the world about your view of God and his Writings to you!
You call this tread disgusting and by association all those posting upon it. Please keep your disgust to yourself - you have already expressed enough Disgusting Intollerance else where. :smack:
I’ve shown you how a Wise Buddhist can use Jesus to remove suffering – can you do the same with the teachings of Buddha??? It is recorded that the Buddha had one hell of a sence of humour and even used his followers for a joke or two to get his message across. How about the equality of all beings by giving St Peter a Sex Change. Bit to much for you is it? Well not for a wise man. Have A Look At This !!!
You have been telling us all else where about your "God Given Instinct(s)" and how these are supported by the good book which you take as a literal Instruction manual when it is convenient! Folks can have a look at this lot and make up their own minds!!! 
It seems it’s time for you to get off your high horse and stop ramming your "God Given Instinct(s)" and your secret messages from the Good Book Down peoples throats - before the horse throws you and you end up with Bruised "God Given Instinct(s)" ! You know it makes sense!
Oh…. and as for people erasing your messages – stop thinking you’re that important. The servers crashed – data was lost and many folks have had messages they wrote vanish as an Act Of God! It happens you know – even the insurance industry use it as an explanation or excuse depending upon your view point. You will have to accept it. God Did Not Approve Of Your Message And Smote it Down! – and that has to prove he has a sense of humour if nothing else does!
**
Great debates:
Does God have a sense of humour?
If Jesus is omniscient can he avoid seeing into changing rooms or through clothes if he wants to?
[size=1]OK, I’m an athiest. But surely if God did exist he couldn’t be perfect in every way but having a sense of humour[/szie]
His4Ever, did it ever occur to you that when you saw the title of the thread to simply, oh, I dunno-NOT READ IT???
I think you are overreacting His4.
Its just puberty!
God does, have a sense of humor-look at some of the people you see!
Or the platypus for That matter!
Lighten up.
I’m a Christian who loves LIFE OF BRIAN, Tori Amos fightin’ w/ Jesus songs, and yeah, most of the South Park episodes with Jesus
and about half the posts here crossed my line.
I remember some heckler once yelling “Jesus is a MF” along with the same reasons at a hateful street preacher. The crowd which had been heckling the preacher turned on the heckler VERY quickly. A couple of his friends hustled him out just as quickly.
Our beloved Cece wrote about the “infancy gospels” in one of his books, which are available at bookstores everywhere.
Carry on…
From the above-mentioned Infancy Gospel of Thomas, which is a real, honest-to-goodness writing of the early Christian church:
“And the teacher was provoked and smote [the child Jesus] on the head. And the young child was hurt and cursed him, and straightway he fainted and fell to the ground on his face [dead]. And the child returned unto the house of Joseph: and Joseph was grieved and commanded his mother, saying: Let him not forth without the door, for all they die that provoke him to wrath.”
I swear I’m not making this up!!