I wonder what puberty would be like for Jesus.

Well… if Jesus was human (and apparently, He WAS), He would have had to go through all that developing. With puberty comes a lot of confusion, new questions, and stuff like that. It must have been interesting for Him, and He was probably irritated with Dad for making Him a chaste holy kid. I mean, He HAD to have sexual urges, and I don’t believe that He could have kept his mind “pure.” I’m not exactly sure, but the Bible apparently has all this stuff in it prohibiting masturbation, sexual fantasies, and basically the stuff pubescent people deal with.

I don’t know where that thought came from, I just thought it was something interesting to contemplate. Ohhh the stuff the Bible doesn’t tell you.

“My Father wants to know how those breasts of yours are developing. He says I’m supposed to check them myself.”

“Blessed So-and-So! My Father has chosen YOU to be the one to take my Virginity!”

“You don’t have to cover up when I come into the baths. I’m the Son of God. I’ve seen it all before.”

Can you imagine the TERROR of being the parent to the son of God? An Omnipotent screaming two-year old would frighten entire continents!

Think Happy Thoughts…Think Happy Thoughts…

Agentfroot… Read “Lamb, the gospel according to Biff, Christ’s childhood pal” by Christopher Moore. Amazon has it. It fills in all the missing years and will make you laugh.

Can you imagine the TERROR of being the parent to the son of God? An Omnipotent screaming two-year old would frighten entire continents! **
[/QUOTE]

Remember “Q” - the omnipotent being in Star Trek TNG? One of the books, I think it was “Q Squared” dealt with an omnipotent “Q” as a child. [long time since i read it, but I seem to remember an omnipotent child was a REAL handful] I imagine it wouldn’t be much fun for the local teenager who was babysitting him, either.

“You have truly divine breasts - allow me to lay my hands on them and bless them”

“Would you like me to bless anything else - I don’t mind doing your whole body!!!”

I can’t resist:

Come to Jesus, Baby!
Hey baby, it’s a sacrament!
Oh my Lord, here I come!
If you do IT with Jesus, IT ain’t no sin.

You said it, Yojimboguy!!!

It is just WHOLLY HOLY, Praise the lord and await his SECOND Coming!!!

I’d be creeped out if a guy called out his dad’s name during sex.

“Oh GOD!!”

Might get the social workers asking questions about his home life, don’t you think!!

They might send him to one of those religious boarding schools - in need of care and protection -

Every night he’d be praying “Daddy get me outa here” - “I promise I’ll never do it again”

There was a comedian (can’t remember who, exactly) who had a bit about this. One line was:

Joseph comes into Jesus’ room.

Joseph: “Jesus, this place is a mess. Clean it up!”

Jesus (in surfer-dude speak): “I don’t have to listen to you…, you’re not even my real Dad…”

:slight_smile:

God would have some really good comeback lines though

“You watch your mouth, young man, or I’ll turn you into a pillar of salt for the night - How do you think your girlfriend will like that, then???”

“Don’t think I won’t Smite you, if you don’t clean this place up!!”

Oh, you are so going to Hell!

And so am I…this is hysterical!

:stuck_out_tongue:

[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by ZombiesAteMyBrain *
**God would have some really good comeback lines though

Just thought of another one for Jesus…

“Whaddya think I am, dad, a miracle worker???”

He’d be invited to all the parties,

“Dude, we don’t need someone to buy beer for us-just invite Jesus! We’ll just use tap water and he’ll turn it into booze!”

Right on - and no problemo with the underage drinking - he could turn it back into water if the cops raided the party!!!

Nifty party trick, that!!!

Wish I could do it!!!

You mean Jesus was spanking the fish? So THAT’S why people have those fishes on the back of their cars…

I’m trying to imagine Jesus’ angst-filled adolescent poetry, but I’m having trouble with it.

no pimples!

Jesus was a motherf*cker.

Look, don’t blame me; that’s what the bible says!

Why No Pimples???

He may have been divine, but I see nothing in any biblical text to support the view that he was Pluke free!

Being free from Sin and free from plukes aint the same. he had to suffer and die on a cross - so why not Teenage angst and Plukes???

If he was God made man and he was here to learn about mans suffereing He had to have Plukes and when he got older piles too!

whooosh :slight_smile: