[QUOTE=Qadgop the Mercotan]
Ditto those asthmatics hiding behind their rescue inhalers.
If the real you is struggling for your next breath, that is the face (blue) you should show the world.
[/QUOTE]
You know what? I’m going to stop taking my Lamictal! That way, the REAL ME, the one that blacks out and bites right through the side of my tongue, only to wake up later with no memory of the last twelve hours. How does that sound?
Before I started taking Paxil and getting therapy, I was a mess. I suffer from obsessive-compulsive disorder. When I was ten, for example, I caught one bitch of a stomach bug, and spent the whole day throwing up. (Nine times, IIRC). After that, for about six months, whenever I had the slightest cramp, whenever I even heard about someone getting sick, I’d stay up all night panicking. I’d drink glass after glass of water, or ginger ale, if we had it, convinced that if I could just let out a few monster belches, I’d be okay. I was also only able to sleep after 4:30 am, because that’s what time I got sick originally that time.*
Does this make sense? Of course not! I KNEW it was insane-but I couldn’t stop it.
Or when I was twelve-I was convinced I would go to Hell. I don’t remember all the details, just that I was again, not sleeping night after night.
The worst was when I turned 18, and started college. For some assinine reason, I was convinced I was going to suddenly turn gay.** It was stupid, there was no reason to, but there it was. I was having constant panic attacks, all I did was sleep. It had nothing to do with feeling unworthy, or unloved, or whatever. I knew I was loved, and I knew I wasn’t an unworthy, horrible person (well, no more than USUAL
). It was just these constant fears of completely irrational things happening, that I couldn’t control.***
It came to a head (heh) one night when I was in the car with my mom and Baby Sis, and I just started screaming uncontrollably, lying in the back of the car, my sister crying, my mother trying to keep me calm until we got home. Long story short, I ended up in therapy. I was prescribed Paxil, yes. BUT, I also did CBT. But one didn’t work without the other.
Today, I still have some OCD-like quirks-I have to have things arranged a certain way, or checking little things constantly. But I’m no longer obsessing about irrational completely stupid, no way will happen crap.
I’ll probably be on Paxil until I die. Oh well. The side effects have pretty much gone away-I don’t notice them. I notice more effects from the Lamictal, and THAT’S even more of a necessity.
In short? If you have a problem with me taking said drug, well, too bad. If that isn’t “the real me”, oh fucking well. Kiss my crazy ass.
MY personal favorite comment? “It’s all in your head!” Guess what? Of course it’s all in your head! So’s a brain tumor! Does that make it imaginary?
(I appologize for the length. This is something I feel VERY passionately about, and it usually makes me see red when I read comments from people like ianzin.)
*[sub]Ironically, what finally broke the obsession, was getting the stomach flu a SECOND time around, and not panicking, and just letting it ride. Yeah, weird, I know.[/sub]
**[sub]No offense to gay people. I have no bias against homosexuality, as those who know me, well, know. Nor did I then. Again, it’s just irrational, like most obsessions tend to be.[/sub]
***[sub]The suckiest thing about OCD is the KNOWING your fears are completely irrational-but not being able to stop them. And trying to reason your way out of it only feeds into the cycle and makes it worse.[/sub]