iConnecthere.com, you're a bunch of thieves. Smart thieves, but fucking thieves still

[Coldfire]

Argh.

OK. Let me preface this by saying that in the story below, I am at least partially to blame myself. I agreed to the terms of use, it’s in there, I’m fucked.

Still.

Let me explain. There’s this thing called MSN Messenger, as I’m sure most of you know. It has a couple of plug-in services, like international phone services over the internet. Since my girlfriend lives in Los Angeles, Estados Unidos, and I live in Amsterdam, Pays-Bas, I decided to give one of those phone services a go.

I chose iConnecthere.com, for reasons I have since forgotten.

I purchase a state-of-the art Sennheiser headset (for about $50), hook it up to my state-of-the-art soundcard (Terratec Crossfire 1024, or something - it’s good), deposit $30 into my iConnecthere account, and dial my girlfriend’s number.

No dice.

Sometimes it picks up, and she can’t hear me. Sometimes, it doesn’t connect at all. Sometimes, it disconnects when the other party picks up the phone.

In short: it sucks ass. Neither the Microsoft Messenger helpdesk or the iConnecthere.com helpdesk (who keep refering me to the other one about 5 times in a row) are able to resolve the issue.

I decide to leave it as is. We reverted back to normal phone calls, or at times, NetMeeting with webcams. More fun, for free.

Fast-forward 5 months. Last week, I got an e-mail from iConnecthere.com, telling me something about incompatibility with the latest Messenger version, yadda yadda. “Hey!”, I think to myself, “I still have to cancel that account, and get my approximately $30 back!”.

So, I surf to the website, fully intent on logging in and getting my dough back. What’s my user ID again? Gah, can’t find it in my e-mail files. Alrighty then, there’s this nifty “Forgot your ID?”-button that re-sends your user info. Let’s click that one!

“The system doesn’t recognise your e-mail address”

Huh. Maybe I used my Hotmail address?

“The system doesn’t recognise your e-mail address”

Damn. Oh well, let’s e-mail their helpdesk, whose e-mail address is conveniently displayed near the error message. Here’s what I wrote:

Hi,

A few months ago, I signed up with iConnecthere. After a few tries, it became aparent that the service would not work properly for me. Neither your or Messenger’s helpdesk could resolve the matter. I forgot about it for a few months, but upon receiving an e-mail from your company last week, I remembered that I still had to empty my iConnecthere account, which holds about $30 if I recall correctly.

I can no longer log in, as I don’t remember by user ID and password. Trying your “Forgot your user ID?”-link, I noticed that neither one of the possible e-mail addresses I used are recognised by your system. It was either this one (<removed>), or <removed>@hotmail.com (likely the latter, as it is associated with my Messenger application). Both result in the standard error message.

Please advise on how to go about this. I have no intention of using your service again, and would like a refund of my current iConnecthere balance.

Regards,
Jasper <removed>
Amsterdam, the Netherlands

Fair enough, hit the send button, go to sleep.

I got a reply back today. Let’s go through it together, shall we?

Dear Customer,

We regret to inform you that, as you have not used your account for more than 120 days, the remaining funds in the account have expired.

Huh? Virtually booked money “expires”? What the fuck? It ain’t flippin’ camembert! So I’ll take it you’re telling me you stole my money. Thanks.

Please be advised that accounts are valid for 120 days after last usage. This means that, 120 days after the last recharge or the last time you have used your account, any unused funds expire.

Please see our Terms of Use: http://www.iconnecthere.com/nonmembers/terms_use.asp
Section J:4.

Well, I’ll be damned. It’s right there, and I apparently ageed to this pile of shit terms-of-use arrangement. Shame on me, I guess. Fuck.

Alrighty, let’s see how iConnecthere.com bullshits its way out of this.

This expiration policy is designed to ensure that customers’ accounts will not expire as long as they are used regularly.

What a complete and utter lie. If the main goal was to have your users use their accounts regularly, you would:[ul][li]Provide decent tech support to users that aren’t able to use your service despite modern equipment that meets your prescribed specs;[/li][li]Remind users beforehand that their 120-day period of inactivity was about to end, resulting in the loss of any remaining balance.[/ul]So, in other words, your expiration policy is designed to procide such crappy service that customers turn away from your crappy phone application in disgust and forget about their balance for more than 120 days, so you can legally steal their money because of paragraph J:4 in your ToU.[/li]You’re not interested in building and maintaining a durable client relationship. You’re interested in ripping people off whilst covering your ass by small print clauses. Shitheads.

So, what else do we have here?

We therefore invite you reactivate your account by adding funds as soon as possible.

Yeah, and I invite you to kiss my ass. I’ll add funds to an iConnecthere.com account the day both my nuts fall off and start dancing the hokey pokey, you idiots.

Please go to: <http://www.iConnectHere.com> and log in to your account by entering your 8-digit UserID and 4-digit Password. Then, from the ‘My Account’ summary page, select ‘Add Funds’.

Gotta love automated replies. THE REASON I MAILED WAS BECAUSE I COULDN’T ACCESS MY ACCOUNT, WHICH TURNED OUT TO BE BECAUSE IT WAS TERMINATED BY YOU, THIEVING FUCKS, INC.

When you are satisfied that all your billing information is correct, click ‘Add Funds’.

Click my ass.

We look forward to having you continue using iConnectHere.

And I look forward to your company’s demise, bankruptcy, and consequent jail terms for all board members and customer service personnel. Shit. Heads.

Sincerely,

Avishag
Customer Care

Yeah, you have a nice day too, hon.
So, what to do? I know I’m basically shit-out-of-luck. I was stupid enough to agree to the terms of use, and they rightfully took my $30. What I detest is their attitude that this policy is somehow benevolent. It is not. The company is set up to disappoint people, and to take their money because the customers won’t go near their crappy app after a few futile attempts.

So what can I do? Report them somewhere? Better Business Bureau?

I really hate it when companies take advantage of small print clauses designed to rip you off. And I hate it even more that I fucking fell for it, even if the damage is only $30.

Again, I say: shitheads. Of the highest order.

That is all.

[Sauron]

Sadly, I have no advice to give. I’m just posting to say that

I’ll add funds to an iConnecthere.com account the day both my nuts fall off and start dancing the hokey pokey, you idiots.

and

Click my ass.

had me laughing out loud.

If that’s any consolation.

[Coldfire]

Sauron, the value of your laughter could not be expressed in dollars.
Which usually means it’s invaluable, or worthless. Guess.

[Sauron]

Ummm … C?

[Kal]

I’ll add funds to an iConnecthere.com account the day both my nuts fall off and start dancing the hokey pokey, you idiots.

Hey! I cursed you months ago and now you’re saying they ain’t dropped off yet?

Do me a favour, just have a little look down there and tell me if they’ve at least started to turn green.

[Jonathan_Chance]

Pays-bas?

[Triss]

Darn right, I’d at least report them to the BBB or something.

Sheesh. Assholes. Expired funds? WTF?

I can’t remember the exact term for it, but doesn’t non-provision of service render any and all agreements invalid?

I mean, if they didn’t provide the service they’re essentially charging you for, they have no right to charge you. Crap service could be argued to be the same as no service, couldn’t it? Didn’t the people who phoned Miss Cleo agree to pay for the “service”? Last I heard, that company had to forgive 500 million in debt.

Well, I dunno. Legally, a “non-service” argument in this case might be pretty shaky. But still, what a piss-off. “Expired” fucking funds? What bullshit!

May not really be worth any more aggro for 30 bucks, but I’d at least try to get a complaint registered somewhere. Just to be able to feel that I tried to do something about it.

Bastards.

[D_Odds]

Kal, he didn’t say that hadn’t fallen off. Perhaps he has reattached them. He did infer that, as of this point in time, they hadn’t fallen off AND started dancing the hokey pokey.

[Coldfire]

*Originally posted by Jonathan Chance *
**Pays-bas? **

That’s what the French call my country. Since I sit here cursing in English and Dutch anyway, I thought I’d toss another language into the mix.

[Janie_Jones]

*Originally posted by Coldfire *
**That’s what the French call my country. Since I sit here cursing in English and Dutch anyway, I thought I’d toss another language into the mix. **

Yeah, and pays-bas translates as ‘low country.’

Just another example of the French looking down their noses at anything non-French.

For the record, I agree with the anti-war position taken by France. I’ll bash the French for their peculiarities, just as I would any country, including my own.

[mhendo]

*Originally posted by Coldfire *
**Sauron, the value of your laughter could not be expressed in dollars.
Which usually means it’s invaluable, or worthless. Guess. **

[Bart Simpson]

Priceless like a mother’s love, or the good kind of priceless?

[/Bart Simpson]

[friedo]

*Originally posted by Janie Jones *
Yeah, and pays-bas translates as ‘low country.’

Just another example of the French looking down their noses at anything non-French.

What do you think “Netherlands” means?

[mhendo]

*Originally posted by Janie Jones *
**Yeah, and pays-bas translates as ‘low country.’

Just another example of the French looking down their noses at anything non-French.**

Actually, i was under the impression that the term “low countries” was a topographical rather than a cultural reference. I mean, Holland is such a “low country” that it has to keep the ocean out with dykes.

Is my understanding incorrect?

[deball]

Ha, Bigzoo, where you buy blocks of time like a phone card and get very cheap national LD, did the same thing to me. Though it was only around $5. The most annoying thing is when I punched in the numbers and learned my account was cancelled. I hadn’t a clue.

Why don’t you post something at PlanetFeedback?

Chances someone will read it? Slim…

But if you discourage even one person from giving them cash, your vengence will be sweet.

[Neurotik]

mhendo, you’ve been whooshed.

[Coldfire]

Actually, it means “the low countries”, which is pretty much a literal translation of Nederland, or, originally, De Nederlanden (the Netherlands). It refers to our shallowness. Purely geographical, of course.

[Coldfire]

D’oh. That’ll teach me to compose three replies at once.

[elf6c]

*Originally posted by Coldfire *
**D’oh. That’ll teach me to compose three replies at once. **

Three! Heck, I can barely crank one out at a time without filling it full of typos.

[samarm]

Just wanted to say that the whole thing stinks. Expired funds? Like the money you gave them shriveled up and died? Fucking thieves is right. Sounds like a bullshit ToU. Of course, just because you agreed to the ToU, doesn’t mean that everything in it is 100% legal. You may have some comeback… but as has already been mentioned, for $30 it may not be worth the hassle.

[samarm]

Oh, and good rant! I give it a 9/10!