Try ordering a cheeseburger with only lettuce and onions at McDonalds. My wife now knows that she has to specify “Cheeseburger with only lettuce, onions, and cheese.” I think you can figure out what has been omitted from the “cheeseburger” on numerous occasions.
When my sister and I were younger (thinking about it, everyone else was younger then, too), she was particularly fussy about food. There were only a very few things that she liked to eat, and because she was also contrary, these were mostly the few things I didn’t like (I eat almost anything).
She went through a phase when she was about 8 or 9 of not liking any sandwich filling, not cheese, not ham, not anything. So she would have “nothing” sandwiches - two slices of bread with margarine on their adjacent sides. This is a bit odd, but I do enjoy a nice slice of buttered bread from time to time myself, so I can understand it.
However, on holiday in Holland once we went on a trip to Amsterdam with our parents. Because we were skinflints, we took a packed lunch from our little holiday cottage rather than pay to eat in an Amsterdam restaurant. When my sister bit into her delicious nothing sandwich, hand crafted by our mother, she thought something was amiss. Sure enough, on peeling the two slices of bread apart, she discovered that hidden within her nothing sandwich… was nothing! Not even any margarine! My mum had dozily placed two slices of bread next to each other and called it a sandwich. How I (with my lovely cheese sandwich, margarine and all) laughed.
Back in high school, I know a guy that was being a dick and ordered a cheeseburger minus the cheese from the drive through at McDonalds. He came back in and pretended to be upset when he got a hamburger in a hamburger box instead of a chesseburger box.
We are out for food at some darkened local tavern. It is not our first choice, but since the dance starts about now (and we did travel all the way up to Seattle to dance), and we haven’t eaten anything for hours, we are willing to accept it.
This establishment has anything you could possibly want. Fried.
One of my companions orders a grilled cheese sandwhich (which is listed on the menu as having cheese, tomatoes, and onions), with some changes.
“Can I get the grilled cheese sandwhich, light on the cheese, with extra vegetables.”
The waitress is incredulous: “You want a grilled cheese sandwhich without cheese? Like, just bread?”
“No, not without, just not with a lot. And it says it comes with tomatoes and onions. I’d like lots of those. Maybe some mushrooms, too, and lettuce?”
“Mushrooms, on a grilled cheese sandwhich?”
“Yes.”
“The sandwhich is cooked.”
“…yes.”
“Well, the lettuce won’t be good.”
“That’s ok.”
“Mushrooms? Really?”
We were finally convinced that she was convinced, and we set ourselves to our beers. When the food came, she provided a sandwhich that was onions, tomatoes, two slices of mushroom, and no cheese. It had been grilled, though.
There was a place that deep fried your hamburger. I don’t know where it was, but it was a dive.
I got a Beef and Cheddar for lunch today. The inside of the wrapper has assembly instructions for the sandwich. I guess if you order a Beef n’ Cheddar, hold the sauce, counter boy has to deal with comflicting orders.
I think you can make that into a pick up line, for Hawiians.
I’d like a hawaiian pizza, hold the hawaiian.
I really hesitated about telling this one, but heck, it was a long time ago…
We were soooo clever at 20, weren’t we? A friend and I went through a Burger King back when the “Have it your way” slogan was new. There was a Burger King, a McDonald’s and a couple of other fast foods there within a block of one another.
We pulled up to the Burger King. My friend ordered. My turn. I asked, “Can I really have it my way?”
Answer was affirmative.
I said, “Well, I’d like my Whopper just like a Big Mac!”
Dang, I was cracking myself up.
We were charged $$whatever, then told to pull up past the take out window and our order would be out in just a minute. We did so.
Sure enough, the order came in pretty quickly with apologies for the short delay.
Yeah, I know you know what’s coming…
When I opened the bag, there was my friend’s Whopper, and there was my Big Mack, but in a Burger King Wrapper!!!
I hope the Burger King folk laughed as hard at me as I just laughed my own ass off over being one or two or maybe three-upped…(they even put the damn thing in a Burger King wrapper??)… LMAO…on myself!
Yeah, but it sounds good. Was it?
Yes, I am a big 'ol fat guy, why? 
No. I couldn’t eat it. I never expected to get a deep fried hamburger any where. I hate greasy food. It leaves a coating on your tounge.
I do not like american cheese. I always order hamburgers with NO cheese. About 90% of the time I get a cheeseburger.
After a long day at the zoo, this past Sunday, my husband offered to go get some wings from Wing House. We ordered 20 wings, medium, extra cooked, extra sauce and two Blue Cheese Burgers. He waits, he waits, he waits, they bring him two big shopping bags of food and tell him the total is $60. He says no way. They double check the order, no, we didn’t order 50 wings. Yes, we did order two burgers. The manager says to wait. He’ll get the order right. Manager triumphantly comes out with a reasonable size bag for our order, my husband confidently drives home. We open the bag, 40 wings, no burgers. I call them while he packs up the extra wings and heads back. We get the burgers we ordered 30 min ago, stone cold. He comes back home, I’m still on hold with Wing House. BTW, the manager said he tried to call us and let us know, except that no one ever rang through the line.
I once had a subway chick try to charge me for extra olives, I told her to deduct the 15 cents because I didn’t want cheese, and then charge me 10 cents for the olives. She didn’t like it very much.
I hate when to go orders are screwed up.
Its’ an odd sensation, having your brain grind to halt while it searches its entire flavour catalogue trying to identify WTF is going on. I had a similar experience once with some Taramisu that was… unusual…
My girlfriend finally figured it out - they’d put salt in the whipped cream instead of sugar. Didn’t tasty nasty as such, just weird.
I get the joke, but since bottled water costs money and tap water (~the same thing) is free, perhaps the joke is on him. 
:smack: Or I’m an idiot and he meant tap and eventually got tap??
I had something similar happen about two and a half years ago. I was doing a housecall to fix a family’s PC, and she offered me a spot of tea. This was an Indian family so I didn’t want offend her sense of hospitality. The tea arrived in a small cup, almost like an espresso; it appeared to be made with cream rather than milk. No matter. I took a sip—
And began thinking of some way I could discretely dispose of this liquid in my mouth. There was tea there, certainly, and milk too, and … a lot of salt. I couldn’t talk around it to ask politely where the rest room was (even though I knew it’s impolite to just help yourself to their commode the first time without asking) and there was nowhere to spit it. (I suppose I could have just spit it back into the teacup, then it would either look odd or offend her because I’d not yet taken a drink of it. I knew little of Indian cuisine, especially beverages, so I didn’t know if this was how it was supposed to taste and didn’t want to reveal my ignorance nor risk offense by asking.
So I forced it down my gorge. It was almost, but not quite as bad as the time I first tried to down a raw oyster.
Now I’d accepted the tea. It was mine. I couldn’t leave it. That’s a waste. I couldn’t say I just didn’t want it anymore, then I’m a flake, and a wasteful one to boot. Could I sneak it into the bathroom and pour it out? Maybe. That would be tricky.
Fortunately I was spared when the woman of the house came back in and began apologising profusely, for it seems she’d accidentally mistaken the salt for sugar.
Thank Og.
International incident averted, I happily accepted the replacement, much sweeter tea, and though it still didn’t hit my palate the right way (I prefer milk to cream in my tea) I still drank it all with much greater ease.
This is a good idea with hookers as well.
I desperately need to add:
I am jealous. I WANT one of those boxes. That is a great piece of work! Very unique. I love the colors. Don’t sell yourself short, Stase. Neat stuff there.
We placed the following order at a Krystal’s drive-thru recently:
one small diet Coke, one small order of fries and 60 cheese Krystals.
Silence.
then, the voice: hmmm, that’s going to take a while, you know.
Driver: yeah, that’s ok.
Only then did it strike us how weird that order was. We were four adults & three preteens and were planning on taking the gutbombs home to eat them. Well, 30 of them made it to the house, 30 mysteriously disappeared on the way. 
My hubby always orders a Peanut Buster Parfait without the peanuts at the local DQ, and has done such since childhood. He usually has to explain in depth exactly what he wants, but he tells me he just wants the big ol’ ice cream with hot fudge. Nevermind that ordering a hot fudge sundae would be *much * easier. ::rolleyes
So just what, exactly is a cheese Krystal?