Now on to my actual question, inspired by the novel Kushiel’s Dart, which many Dopers have probably read:
If a true sadist, someone who really got off on someone’s pain, were paired a true masochist, someone who really got off on their own pain, would the sadist think this was better or worse than being paired with someone who hated pain?
My instinct says it’s worse, but I’m not an actual sadist, even if my husband thinks I sometimes choose TV shows just to torture him.
Not having a dog in the fight either way I would say the preference would be for someone who hated pain. The other just feels too much like kissing your sister; so to speak.
Depends whether or not it’s consensual. Non-consensual partner would hate pain, but that’s rape, and for fantasy only. Consensual would have to be a true masochist.
I’ve been there, and a sadist/masochist interaction isn’t as benign as you seem to think; nothing like “kissing your sister.” Bear in mind that the masochist isn’t merely a passive partner; there’s plenty of active interaction.
“A sadist is a person who is kind to a masochist.”
Arthur Koestler used this joke as a jumping off point into studying humor. Yes, he goes on and on about the ambiguity of it. Is the sadist doing truly nice things or truly bad things?
A waste of time, IMHO. You don’t want to go down that rat hole.
I’m with panache. For it not to be rape, you pretty much have to pair a sadist with a masochist. I always assumed that was why it’s referred to as “sadomasochism.” They’re both part of each other.
I can, however, see an idea where a sadist deliberately withholds pain from a masochist, in order to take it to the next level. It would be a form of sexual denial, like orgasm denial. Not my cuppa tea, but I can see it.