If Aaron Sorkin wrote other shows...

Cafe Society
1

I guess we all miss Aaron Sorkin writing The West Wing, and we do not feel that John Wells can step into his shoes.

I started wondering what other shows would be like if Aaron Sorkin was the head writer.

Trading Spaces:

Hildi and Paige, pediconferencing through the house:

H: So why are you following me?
P: I thought you needed help. Frank is doing okay on his house, so I thought I would help you.
H: No, I’m fine. What makes you think I need help?
P: It’s day two. What more do you need to do?
H: I have to rip up the carpet, paint the walls black and glue river stones over the window panes. Then I have purple polka dotted slip covers for the sofa and I have to scramble 12 dozen eggs for the art piece.
P: That’s a lot of work.
H: Yes it is.
P: Then you would need my help.
H: Yes. I would need your help.

(Okay, not the best, but hey.)

2

They would immediately become much better and lose half their audience.:dubious:

3

I don’t have the time to be too creative right now, but I’ll offer some potential categories:

If Aaron Sorkin wrote…

…Scarborough Country
…The O’Reilly Show (whatever it’s called)
…The Real World
…Friends
…Yu-Gi-Oh!

Hmm, maybe I’ll have to take a shot at a Sorkin Friends parody.

(Cast members encountered walking randomly through the streets of Manhattan)
Phoebe: Hi Chandler
Chandler: Hi Phoebes, have you been to the Coffeeshop?
Phoebe: 92.3% of all coffee is grown by farmers living below the poverty level… 35% of American workers were laid off by Starbucks and other large corporate conglomerates… 68.6% of Nike shoes are sewn by little Filipina girls named some variant of Maria…
Joey (Cutting into conversation from an intersection): So, I’m wearin’ my Converse Chuck Taylors. (Phoebe peals off into a side alley)
Chandler: Could you be more clueless?
Ross (coming up to the intersection where Joey and Chandler are waiting for a light to change): Hi Guys, did you hear about the thing?
Chandler: The thing?
Joey: Oh, yeah, the thing, no I didn’t tell him.
Ross: Well, Monica’s going to want to see you right away on this one.
(The Guys magically appear at the base of the elevator to the apartment building. Several full dress Marines and subtle-yet-not-too subtle Secret Service agents flank the hall. They are ignored by the trio. They continue talking as they enter and ride the elevator)
Ross: Did you know that dinosaurs are not true Saurians but have certain, distinct characteristics of birds?
Chandler: What are you saying?
Joey: That modern reptiles are not the true descendants of the dinosaurs, but modern birds are.
Ross: Exactly.
(Elevator door opens. Rachel is walking down the hallway and falls into lock step with the Guys…)
Ross: Did you hear about the “thing”?
Rachel: With Monica… no, I don’t know anything about that (glances nervously at Chandler, then peals out of formation and down a different hallway with Ross and Joey in tow as they exchange knowing glances. Chandler continues into the apartment, where Monica and Phoebe (who has somehow magically appeared in the apartment) break from a quiet convesation over papers scattered across a large desk that has replaced the TV console in the apartment.)
Chandler: Monica.
Monica: Chandler. I suppose that you’ve heard about the “thing” by now?
Chandler: Tell me more about the “thing”.
Monica: Well, as you know we’ve been copulating quite frequently lately. The average American couple copulates between 2-3 times/week during the first 3 years of courtship. 62.1% of young married American couples use some sort of contraceptive device, yet an astounding 22.7% of them become pregnant…
Chandler: I know that, but are you saying…
Monica: Precisely. Phoebe will be making an address to the press later this afternoon that we’ll be expecting our first child in approximately 37.2 weeks.
Phoebe: Congratulations, Chandler.
Chandler: Thanks, Phoebes. Monica, what’s next?

4

:stuck_out_tongue:
(Unfortunately, I have nothing remotely witty or intelligent to add. You guys are f*cking hilarious.)

5

I would love for AS to take over writing for Enterprise. The show can’t lose half it’s audience because only the imediate relatives of the cast watch. (Except for T’Pol’s dad)

6

EPISODE TITLE: AD HOMINEM

[TITLE CARD: FIFTEENTH HOUR]

[INTERIOR: TONY’S BASEMENT]

PAULIE: So, about the thing.

TONY: The thing?

PAULIE: Yeah, you know, the thing.

CHRISTOPHER: Fedregotti.

TONY: What about him?

PAULIE: There’s a problem.

CHRISTOPHER: He won’t die.

PAULIE: He won’t die.

TONY: Fedregotti?

CHRISTOPHER: He won’t die.

TONY: DId you–

PAULIE: Numerous times.

CHRISTOPHER: Numerous.

TONY: But still–

PAULIE: Right.

CHRISTOPER: Yeah.

TONY [mutters]: Guy won’t die.

CHRISTOPHER: We tried, T, we really did. [to PAULIE] I mean, we really did, right?

PAULIE: We really did. No question we tried.

TONY [exasperated]: Fedregotti!

CHRISTOPHER: Fedregotti.

PAULIE: We’re gonna try again.

TONY [sarcastically] No kidding?

CHRISTOPHER: Tony–

PAULIE: C’mon, kid, let’s go. We’re gonna take care of this. [to TONY] We’ll take care of it.

CHRISTOPHER: It’s taken care of. [under his breath] Guy won’t die.

[PAULIE and CHRISTOPER exit, leaving TONY alone]

TONY [yells in frustration]: This guy won’t DIE!

[QUICK CUT TO OPENING CREDITS]

7

Star Trek Next Gen:

Picard: Women used to give birth squatting, before Louis XIV.

Data: Captain?

Picard: Louis XIV wanted the see the birth, so he had his mistresses laying down so he could see the baby emerge.

Riker: Yes, sir.

Captain: I don’t know why I thought of that. Dr. Crusher, do we have enough triticalene for the sick children of Monvaat X?

Crusher: Yes, sir, but the active ingredient will perish in six hours.

Captain: Do we know how the plague started?

Crusher: The Monvaat rats, sir.

Captain: The rats?

Riker: The rats, Captain.

Captain: And it’s only the childen?

Data: The adults don’t eat the rats, sir. It’s considered a child’s treat.

Captain: The rats are a treat?

Crusher: Yes, sir.

Captain: A treat.

Riker: For the children, sir.

Crusher: Captain, we really must get going.

Picard: Very well. Data, heading 216 mark 12, warp seven, engage.

Data: Warp seven, aye sir.

Picard: Rats are considered a delicacy.

Riker: On Montvaan X, sir, for the children.

(Fade to black for commercial)

8

I’m not sure, but some variant of “YOU CAN’T HANDLE THE TRUTH!!!” will probably be involved.

9

THIS OLD HOUSE

Everybody’s walking down a hall

STEVE: So whaddya know?

NORM: It ain’t good. Carpenter ants, termites, rot…

TOM : Did you say rot?

NORM: I said rot.

STEVE: Rot’s not good.

TOM: Nope.

NORM: Who’s telling the homeowner?

STEVE: I suppose it has to be me.

NORM: Well you are the host.

TOM: Yup. The host.

STEVE: Right, the host.

Somebody shoots Norm

10

Hey, these are starting to get pretty good. I especially like all of the ones after mine. Ivylass, your second effort was very good!

11

I have no idea who Aaron Sorkin is, but if he really writes like this I think I’d rather not know!

Julie

12

Aaron Sorkin wrote The West Wing, Sports Night, and the movies A Few Good Men and Malice. He’s known for his intelligent, quick dialogue.

Thanks, Shibb. I know there’s better creative minds than mine out there, so I hope to see more contributions!

13

Sorkin’s writing is multifaceted, jsgoddess, but one thing you may need to realize is that these teleplays should be read at around 400 words a minute. :wink: I’ve only ever seen The West Wing, so that’ll probably show, but here goes…

The Powerpuff Girls, by Aaron Sorkin

MS. BELLUM: Your 3:30 is here, sir.
MAYOR: Anything else?
MS. BELLUM: Mojo Jojo was seen checking out a book from the Townsville Library on… horseback riding.
MAYOR: … Get me the Powerpuff Girls.
(The Mayor is connected to Blossom at the Professor’s house, but we never actually see the telephone ring.)
BLOSSOM: Mayor?
MAYOR: Blossom, help! I’ve got an entourage of outraged lobbyists ready to break down my door if I don’t enact their legislation!
BLOSSOM: Lobbyists, eh Mayor? And their agenda du jour is…
MAYOR: … stricter tariffs on intermunicipal commerce of Chemical X!
BLOSSOM: Sigh… When will they learn that the effective disfranchisement of chemical commerce companies will only serve to sever scientific procession, and won’t solve any of their problems!
MAYOR: Try telling that to a constituent whose high schooler gave himself an extra appendage by flat-out failing to follow chemistry lab procedures! Oh, and Blossom?
BLOSSOM: What is it, Mayor?
MAYOR: Mojo Jojo’s into horseback riding.
BLOSSOM: Jocelyn?
MAYOR: We think so.
BLOSSOM: Right, Mayor. We’re on it. (Hanging up) Mojo Jojo’s a horseriding aficionado now, everyone, so look out for him.
PROFESSOR: What’s so bad about that?
BUTTERCUP: Don’t you watch the news, man? The area’s premiere architect, Jocelyn Buildings, just joined the Townsville Equestrian Society!
PROFESSOR: Oh… so?
BUBBLES: So, Jojo clearly wants to woo her, and this divertisement is the perfect way to get close!
PROFESSOR: Oh… so?
BLOSSOM: So, she designed half the municipal buildings in Townsville! If he can get the secrets of their penetralia from her, he’ll be able to enact an exacting superstructural stranglehold over the city and its incognizant denizens!
PROFESSOR: … Oh.
BLOSSOM: C’mon, girls! We’ve got some lobbyist clobberin’ to accomplish.
ZOOOOM!

14

Okay, but it looks rather like he’s known for incredibly repetitive dialogue.

Sorry for the detour!

Julie

15

I’m just a poor imitiation, js. His writing is very good.

16

God, I miss Sportsnight!!!

17

Kudos to Hoops for using Fedregotti…the tennis player against Pete Sampras who WOULD NOT DIE!

(Causing Dana to throw the show to Sally so she could go on a date with Gordon, which pissed off Casey.)

18

I knew there was a reason that, even though I don’t care for sports at all, I enjoyed watching reruns of Sports Night on Comedy Central.