Weddings…the part where the minister says: “If anyone knows why these two should not be wed, speak now or forever hold your peace”
Has anyone here ever been to a wedding where you witnessed someone actually seizing that moment, and if so, what happened?
Has anyone here actually been the person to “speak now” at that moment during a wedding?
No, but I was in two weddings this summer, and the ministers each told the couple at the rehearsal what would happen in the event that this actually happened.
In the first case, the minister (Lutheran) said that they would take the couple and the objector into a room and discuss the objection privately, then return and continue with the ceremony. She said that there has never been an instance that she’s heard of where the problem wasn’t cleared up.
In the second case, the minister (Episcopalian) said that they would just ignore the objector because it doesn’t really matter anyway…as long as the objection isn’t that one of the couple is already married, they’re good to go no matter who dislikes the idea.
My father is a retired minister but still does the odd wedding and funeral. He always made a point at the rehersal of recommending against even asking the question, and I don’t think he ever did.
It’s a hollywood question.
I thought about it once. It was the wedding of an ex-boyfriend of mine and I knew it wasn’t going to work out. I had already told him that I didn’t think getting married was a good idea.
I just sat there and kept my mouth shut. I figured he was an adult and it ws his mistake to make.
BTW, they divorced about a year and a half later.
In seminary, we learned that that question should be left out of the ceremony unless the couple insisted on it, and who in their right mind would actually insist on it?
However, our professor told us a funny story. Seems a wet-behind-the-ears young minister was doing his first wedding after graduating from seminary. He asked, “Does anybody have any reason why these two should not be married?” Someone in the audience raised their hand! So, thinking on his feet, the young minister asked, “OK, does anybody else have any reason…”
The point of it, traditionally, is to give someone with knowledge that the bride or groom is already legally married to speak up. It’s not supposed to be for people to speak up and say “It’s not really love” or “I love him more” or whatever. Though that certainly has served the purpose of Hollywood and the soap operas.
As for the OP, I’ve never seen it happen.
Mrs. Sasquatch and I made sure that this question was not asked at our ceremony. I agree: Who in their right mind would want that asked at their wedding?
When I was married that question was not even part of the ceremony. We had had to have joint discussions with the minister and it was just assumed I guess that we were legally free to marry. But there were two statements by the minister during the ceremony, AFTER our vows, that I liked. One was addressed to us, the bride and groom “If any of you knows anything which would alienate your union let it now be left behind in the mercy of the forgiveness of God” Then, addressing the congregation, the minister said “If henceforth any person should seek to divide their heart and soul from one another, let him do so at the peril of offending a creation of God’s making, and that has His blessing.”
I always have the urge to leap dramatically to my feet and sing out,
“Those wedding bells shall not ring out,
I swear it on my life!
For we were wedded years ago
And she is still my wife!
She shall not break her vows to me
She’s mine through all eternity
She’s mine till death shall set her free
Those bells shall not ring out!”
But it would look a bit odd, my being legally married to the bride, and all . . .
My divorce lawyer says it is possible to prove that a couple is still legally married by virtue of a faulty divorce. What I mean is if one party lies or makes other inaccuracies in the filing, the other can prevent the marriage from taking place or can have the marriage dissolved later.
This is true for Texas, so YMMV, and it’s also a reason to get a good divorce lawyer.
Robin