I gave my students a shortened version of the ACE study. They were kept annonymous. Kids had the option of turning it in without their names on it or ripping it up and throwing it in the trash.
It was sad to see. Here’s the form we used to calculate our scores. Most kids scored between 7 and 9 - but those are just the ones that I saw. Again - annonymous. There was a second form about being safe at school (and how often you were yelled at by teachers ;-)) that they did have to turn in. That was not annonymous.
We also went through the questions together. Some kids thought that getting hit was no big deal. Others thought having a parent incarcerated was just a fact of life. Some commented that white people would find this stuff more tragic than black people.
Abuse happens in some schools all the time. If teachers reported on every suspicion, we’d be doing paperwork all day long with that. And sometimes the situation for the child gets worse. So…it’s a hard call. And what constiutes as “suspicion” is very subjective.
Plus…schools have policies in place for that. We report to our superiors.
I don’t recall ever getting educated about child abuse. I had a school counselor in high school who was both supportive and not supportive at the same time. I legally emancipated when I was 17, so she was spending a lot of time with me helping me put my life back together. However, anytime I started talking in detail about what my mother had done to me, she would raise her hand and say, “Don’t tell me. I don’t want to know. If you tell me then I’ll have to report it and that will create all kinds of problems.”
I frankly don’t think many adults really give a shit about child abuse. People will not hesitate to throw you under the bus if it is in any way inconvenient for them to accept. When I see the public outrage over child abuse it really rings very hollow and hypocritical to me.
I agree. I think that if we as a society were honest with ourselves, we would much sooner sacrifice a certain number of children to abuse than start prying the lid off the incredibly complicated relationship between adult and child, and having to confront all the hypocrisies and sicknesses within.
Funny you say that. The history of animal welfare precedes the origin of child welfare. Basically someone contacted the President of the New York ASPCA (late 1800s I believe) and said, “I know of a little girl being abused, and I know you only do animals, but somebody’s got to do something.” How bizarre that we as a society would recognize animal rights before child rights.
That’s exactly what prompted me to say it. I would have actually supplied a link myself, but I could only remember her first name—Mary, and that it happened in New York in the nineteenth century.
In the '50s and '60s there was no education about child abuse that I know of. I don’t know that I ever thought the word “abuse,” but I knew that my brother and I were living in a hellish situation. (So did lots of other people but they didn’t do anything about it.) We were fed sporadically, beaten often, ignored if we were lucky but “in trouble” every single day. We were even shot at once. (Having guns pulled was a common occurance during fights in our house. Occasionally knives were brandished but usually it was guns.) As a child I decided not to report my parents to the police because I figured that we’d be seperated if taken away. Since I protected my brother as best I could, I couldn’t imagine not being around to help him if he needed it. I always think We weren’t raised; we were allowed to live.
Thanks olivesmarch4th. I don’t know if I should say this (and I’m not sure why I’m hesitant to) but I feel an affinity towards you. I know that some of us on this board have endured “unfortunate” childhoods. I also know that many posters have shown courage in the face of many different challanges. Sharing experiences has let me know that there are a lot of us survivors out there and life can and does go on.
As far as abuse education goes, I guess if we schoolkids had been given some kind of instruction about what abuse is, I would have stepped forward and said, “Why, yes. I do believe that applies to me. Can you help?” Too bad so many of us didn’t know it wasn’t normal, or were afraid to speak up because we didn’t know where to turn for help. Like I said in my post, people knew. Not all to the same degree, I’m sure, but because adults didn’t intervene I figured it was just something we had to get through. Too bad, so sad etc. :rolleyes:
I’m glad that since the '70s there seems to be more awareness and action taken. Hopefully a lot of kids have been spared needless suffering. We live and learn, even as a society. I don’t advocate witch hunts for abusers but I do think children should have an avenue for safety.
When my host family in Ireland and the cop across the street took me to a club I wasn’t old enough to enter and left me behind with a man who thought I would be willing to have sex with him, I didn’t tell the teachers. I knew that no grown up would help me: whether it was about understanding coursework or about being attacked (in any fashion), other children got help, but not me.
I like you too! And yeah, if there’s one thing I have learned, it’s that things are tough all over. Just peruse the “Hardest Thing You’ve Ever Done” thread for a sobering look at what people have had to go through. Some people may not be able to imagine being abused, but I couldn’t imagine losing a spouse or a child, or suffering a life-threatening illness. One way or another, we all find a way to muddle through.
It’s amazing that people who abuse/molest children never quite seem to be able to grasp the realization that someday they may become old, weakened, and extremely vulnerable…
On the opposite side, my 10 year old daughter is sheltered and can’t really conceived on what child abuse is like. When she asked and I was trying to explain, she piped up with, “But mommy, YOU abuse us then!” When I asked what she means she said that since she remembers being spanked once or twice as a toddler, she must be an abused child.
I hesitate to think what she would answer on a survey!
Yeah, one of my biggest fears is being an abused elder someday. But I guess I can take steps now to make sure that doesn’t happen. olivesmarchforth
Since we’re in IMHO now I’ll add something I think about. I’ve noticed that some children who have been abused grow into champions of the underdog. A lot of them adopt homeless or abused animals and children.
Some kids seem to survive by denial. They chose to forget about it and move on. Sometimes that works and sometimes it comes back to haunt them later in life.
Others go the healing route, which can take decades and manage to have lives they are comfortable with in spite of a few scars. I think of The Velveteen Rabbit, finally genuine when all his fur is rubbed off!
And at the at the opposite end of the spectrum are those who allow the abuse to poison their spirits and turn into replicas of their abusers. Sometimes members of the same family emerge differently.
If science could just distinguish exactly what makes the difference, wouldn’t that be something?
Okay. So my birth year is 1992, and none of my 1300 classmates got any kind of abuse education until we were about 13- at which point it’s pretty much redundant. The younger kids? Nothing.
In fact, even in purely academic matters, it was blatantly assumed that everyone had supportive, involved parents whom they weren’t afraid of at all. It went a little something like this:
4th-grade teacher: Why is only half your math sheet done?
Kid: I couldn’t figure out the rest.
Teacher: Couldn’t you get your parents to help you?
Kid: No.
Teacher: Oh, I bet you didn’t ask.
Continue in that vein until you give in to the urge to put your head through the wall, or, more likely, until the kid gives in and lies.