I’m just asking because I live next door to some people who, let’s say, aren’t very nice people. I don’t think there is any physical abuse happening, but I think it’s possible they’re neglecting their son.
The house I live in has very thin walls and if there’s no TV or radio on whatever goes on next door sounds like it’s happening in the next room. My neighbours seem to think it’s ok to keep him up while they’re partying and drinking with their friends until all hours, the latest being 7.30am, which I know because they were kind enough to make sure they woke me up every two hours or so with their music. During this time I hear them yelling at him and telling him he’s to stay awake until mummy goes to bed. I assume this is so she can sleep her hangover off. I often see him stood in his bedroom window and he’s never dressed, always has a full (and I mean full) nappy and, after talking to another neighbour, I’m now pretty sure they leave him in the house on his own (he’s roughly three years old). They also swear at him, not in front of him but at him, an example…“get back in your fucking bed!”.
There are other things that make me think that something isn’t quite right but am I just overreacting?
No, you’re not overreacting. Especially if they’re leaving a kid that age home alone. I’d report them today. Maybe a little scare would help them realize what they’re doing.
I’ve only called in a report once about two years ago. I live in a less-than-stellar neighborhood, and there’s often dirty little kids running around. But that summer, there was one six-year-old girl who had just moved in across the street. She started coming over and hanging around my front fence while I worked in the yard. We got friendly, and I ended up feeding her dinner on a regular basis for a month or so. This poor thing was always dirty, always hungry, and always outside. I really debated about calling them in, but the clincher was when she came over one night scratching her head constantly. She obviously had lice, and mentioned her “bugs”, so I asked her if her mom was gonna give her “special shampoo” to get rid of them. She scratched her head and said,
“No, mom says they’re ‘cuz I’m dirty. Shampoo wouldn’t do nothin’.”
I felt for her, but neighborly duty stops long before the point where you start picking nits out of some stranger’s kid’s hair. I sent her home and called CPS the next morning. They moved not long after that, so I don’t know what happened, but I haven’t regretted making that call.
A report just means you think someone should come to check things out, NOT that you’re trying to get their child taken away. Nothing can make that happen except the parent’s own actions, so make the call and let their actions speak for themselves.
I have. It ranks among my top three most emotionally difficult life experiences.
What made me do it? If I didn’t do it who would? Who was going to be that childs voice and say that what s/he is living is not normal or acceptable? Generally speaking if a child has lived it all their life they have no idea that other people don’t live that way.
I don’t know about the UK, but here in Texas in the U.S., if you suspect abuse/neglect or have witnessed it, you are legally required to report it to Children’s Protective Services. (Actually the same applies for abuse of the elderly if I remember correctly.)
Seriously, it’s a no decision kind of thing, if what you’re seeing is wrong, please report it to the proper authorities. I’m not saying it’s easy, in fact if you know them well it may be quite harrowing and difficult (it was for me) but if you don’t speak up, who will?
please do something,
I work with kids who were neglected or abused and it kills me.
call the police department and ask how to do it.
it may not be easy, but it’s the right thing to do
I lived next door to a jerk many years ago that took pleasure in showing his 18 month old daughter who was the boss. I would here the girl crying and him hitting her and telling her to shut up and quit crying. Of course, she cried even more. One Saturday afternoon I had the manager and another neighbor come over and listen. For more than 15 minutes he beat on the little girl. The police were called and of course he denied everything and even slammed the door in the officer’s face. About an hour later, 2 investigators from CPS and a search warrant arrived. The guy and his wife were taken away in handcuffs and the girl went to foster care.
The following Monday when I came home from work, the guys family were moving their stuff out of the apartment. His mother thanked me for ruining his son’s life. I told her I would rather see her son’s life ruined than the little girl’s, your granddaughter didn’t deserve what he was doing to her. Surprisingly, she agreed with me.
I have reported several situations to CPS. I am obligated by law to do so. I am a teacher. I have to say that I have yet to witness any positive changes that have come about do to reporting something. Still, by all means, report what you have described to CPS. Maybe it will serve as a wake-up call for the parent. You never know what might turn someone’s life around.
I have, because at the time I worked as a therapist and we are mandated by law to report cases of abuse or neglect. Funny thing, I called on the people whose kids my stepdaughter was babysitting. I had overlooked a lot of stuff up to that point- them allowing my SD to have all their kids in a car when there weren’t enough seat belts, them letting my SD take their baby for several weeks after he was born because the mom “needed a break,” them having my SD work literally from 7 in the morning to 7 (sometimes later) in the evening, every day, for weeks at a time without a day off. But when I heard they didn’t have any heat in the house for several days, and my SD was there all day with a baby and two little kids (plus one more when he came home from school) all of whom were sick, and it was cold at the time, I put my foot down and called. Turns out the parents were using the broken heater as a bargaining chip in a dispute with the landlord. UGH.
The really sad part of all this is the only thing CPS was concerned about was the heat. Never mind the 14 year old kid babysitting from dawn til dusk by herself with no nearby adults if there was an emergency. ::grumble::
I’d call if I were you… it certainly sounds like there’s enough there to be concerned about. If nothing else you’ll have the peace of mind that goes with knowing an investigation has been done.
I’m coming from the other side. I never made a report- I didn’t have to, I investigated them. The absolute worst cases for me were the ones where somebody must have known something was was going on, but either no one called until there was a crisis of some sort, or someone did call, anonymously,with the sort of allegations that it would be difficult for me to substantiate without being able to speak to the reporter. The reporter’s name was kept confidential by law, in nearly all circumstances, and in fact, I never heard of a reporter’s identity being disclosed except when the report was made by professionals .But the ability to speak to the reporter made a tremendous difference. I might never be able to catch the kids being left at home alone, and if the report was anonymous I had no evidence that they were. Could be a malicious report. If I never caught them alone, but a credible reporter told me they were, in fact, left alone, I at least had enough evidence to keep the investigation open and could give the reporter my contact info in the hope that next time they were left alone, I could catch it.
I don’t think you’re overreacting.As someone stated, making the call does not necessarily lead to loss of custody. Even if it’s substantiated, intervention is possible short of removal (drug treatment, parenting classes, etc)
I have several times. In my capacity as a Preschool Director and as a teacher, the law requires me to. Even if it didn’t, I would have done it anyway. When the child’s own family isn’t looking out for them, some has to.
I nearly did, sort of, once. This grandpa used to take a 2 year old boy to the park, and when the kid did something he didn’t like, he started hitting him on the back of the head. He knocked him down once. I followed them home (it wasn’t far), and when he did id again just as they got home, I yelled at him good.
It turned out he was veeery hard of hearing, and didn’t know what I said. The dad came out and I told him that if it happened again, I was going to call the cops.
He started a very loud conversation with the old man that seemed to involve sign language about what I was saying. I left.
And before everyone gets their knickers in a twist, I am not defending Mr. and Mrs. Bad Parents. I just have very little regard for CPS, I think they do much more harm than good.
Now, if the kid is left alone in the house and you are absolutely positive he’s alone, call them.
Aw, shucks, WV_Woman, I can’t believe you said that. There have actually been times when I admired your upfront, in-the-face opinions, whether I agreed with them or not. You’ve had some outrageous thoughts that you didn’t mind posting about, which were interesting. But this? What on earth? Why would you say this? All you say is to stay out of it? You don’t trust the CPS, but instead of offering an alternative, you just feel the child should be left in an abusive situation rather than get involved? If I’m misunderstanding you, please explain.
I was a teacher too, and if I had been paid a small stipend for every report I filed, I could’ve left a rich woman.
My mantra is this: My responsibility to report; their responsibility to investigate. So if there is ANY suspicion on my part, I call. Then CPS can sort it out…and if they don’t, I report again. And again, if necessary.
I’d much rather worry about making an unfounded report (and your situation doesn’t sound unfounded at all) than to lose sleep worrying about what is happening to that child.
Good luck
~karol
Heloise one thing I have learned on this board is there is absolutely no point in explaining what I mean. People will believe what they want to about me regardless.
WV_Woman, I didn’t start a confrontation with you. I asked you to explain why you said what you did. If you have a better alternative for the child in question, I am interested in hearing it. No point in explaining what you mean? Why? We are about fighting ignorance here and if you know something that I don’t, I would like you to share it with me.
Why would you want to say something that could easily be misconstrued and not explain your stance, so that other people may actually learn something and/or follow your point of view?
So as not to take this too far off topic, although I never contacted CPS, I did contact the police about a place that was in such horrible disarray, zoning took the kids away. But this place was truly disgusting. There was human waste and garbage everywhere, rotting food and absolutely no evidence that the place had ever come close to a cleaning agent. The floor hadn’t been seen in years and apparently, the couch sufficed when there was no toilet paper available.
I understand, VW woman. I think the CPS causes much more harm than good in many cases, but it isn’t thier fault. They have to listen to the idiots filing false reports.
If you think there really is abuse, you should call them. The problem is that idiots file false reports, and instead of investigating the reports, the CPS just goes ruins everyones’ lives.