Thankyou for all your responses.
I think the neighbour who said she thought they’d left their son on his own is also going to ring the NSPCC (National Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Children).
As for staying out of it, I had considered this. I’m not an idiot who wants to file a false report, I am concerned about this child but being on my own with three small children I’m nervous of bringing any trouble on my family. But as AbbySthrnAccent says, if I don’t speak up who will?
Nortia, I did, once, in Hawaii. There was a woman in the apartment next to mine who would go on long, loud (more than 10 minute) tirades to her children, calling them ugly, stupid, and worthless. I have been emotionally abused, and, one Sunday, when she did this one too many times, I went next door (I didn’t have a phone), consulted with my neighbor and called CPS. They told me they’d already received a complaint about her from someone who lived in her building on behalf of 30 other people in her building. They apparently called her, because not long after I called, I heard her screaming that whoever called CPS should come on out so she could “kick your ass”. Unfortunately, she moved a day or two later.
I’ve got some rather nasty emotional scars because no one would speak for me. I was born in England, and my parents are English and did their level best to raise me not to create a stir. Nortia, please, create a stir. After all, Churchill created a stir or two.
CJ
Heloise for the record I didn’t think you were trying to start something with me. Just so ya know 
I was abused as a kid, CPS came by because I in turn beat up my bro as bad as my dad did me. I am glad that they did, because I think it made everyone take a good look at themselves. My dad had it much worse than I did when he was a kid. Thanks to CPS I am much better off these days than I probably would have been otherwise. It didnt cure everything, my parents eventually got divorced, but I think my dad had that burden of knowing that CPS once came by thinking he was a bad parent.
So IMO there’s a lot of families that are more than they seem behind the scenes, maybe intervention wont cure everything, but its an important step. Its better than doing nothing.
Actually, I have a story like that. One of my in-laws had CPS called on her, and it was probably the best thing that could have happened. This is ironic, since from the questions the interviewer asked, it became apparent who filed the report and that it was malicious. But, you know, she was a drunk and needed rehab and the house was getting that decaying feel (and smell). Loath aes you might be to get into someone’s life, it’s probably very necessary.
VW_Woman says: let the child get beat up. After a while, the child’s screams are music to one’s ears.
As one who used to work for a CPS, and as a formerly abused child, yeah I believe that until otheriwise.
I filed a report with CPS and with Adult Protective Services about neighbors down the street. They were dealing drugs, their kids were being abused and neglected (I called after seeing their 4-year-old out in the lawn in the middle of the night - she told me she had to sleep there because she was bad), and they were stealing Social Security checks from the woman’s mom, who owned the house. They took the kids to foster care, they took the mom to a senior care facility, and they even called the Humane Society, to take the dogs. While the couple was in jail, the rest of the family came to clean out the house. It took them over two weeks, and they ended up hiring a construction dumpster to get all the garbage out of the house.
On the other side, a good friend of mine had a visit from CPS after a student teacher overreacted to her son’s saying he’d been spanked “six times” over the weekend (in their family, a “spanking” consisted of one swat). Regardless of what you think of corporal punishment, that wasn’t abuse, and after the social worker came out to investigate, he agreed wholeheartedly. It was a bit nerve-wracking for my friend, but she knew she’d done nothing wrong, and, as I predicted, CPS agreed.
Nortia, please do call. Imagine how you’d feel if the neglect led to the child’s death and you’d done nothing to stop it. I’ve never called for a child, but twice I’ve called the cops cos the neighbor was beating up on his SO (two different couples). Neither call seemd to help or hurt, but I felt better. Slept better, as well.
WV_Woman: Lovely.
You advocate the death penalty for someone who kills her kids, yet think it’s ok to ignore someone who is abusing their kids?
It would be nice to see you explain that bit of hypocrisy, but I won’t hold my breath :wally
First and last warning: This is IMHO, not The BBQ Pit, and tolerance of other opinions is Rule #1 here. If you want to bitch about someone’s viewpoint, do it elsewhere.
I just would like to add my voice in with those urging you to contact CPS if you believe abuse/neglect is happening. Neglect is one of the primary causes of death in children ages 0 to 5. Please don’t take risks with that child’s life!!
I’ve been a research assistant on a study investigating child abuse and poverty correlations, and as part of my research was involved in reading CPS cases and entering risk factors into a program. And I can’t tell you how much my heart was breaking as I read those cases. There are always, sadly, going to be cases that are called in maliciously. But to give them credit, CPS has a tough job to do and I believe they do their best. Those reports that were merely malicious were investigated and closed. But there are so many that were real and serious cases of child abuse, and I’m grateful that someone cared enough to call CPS in an effort to get some help for that family.
When I was 17, my 15-year-old girlfriend was being physically and emotionally abused by her evil worthless parents. She mentioned once wanting to go to college out of state, and her father punched her in the stomach. Her mother regularly told all the children (ranging in age from 5 to 15) that they were responsible for their father’s stress, for his pot habit, for his beating them, and that she wished they’d never been born. Regularly I’d find bruises on her body that she’d be terrified to talk about.
I went to a psychologist (my parents had divorced a couple years prior and had been wanting me to go to one) and told him the situation. It sounded sketchy at first – “I have this friend, see, who’s being abused; what can I do about it?” – but I convinced him that I had a level head and that I wasn’t surreptitiously describing my own situation, and he described the law to me.
So I went to my girlfriend and gave her an ultimatum: either she tell someone about the abuse or I would.
She threatened to break up with me over it, and sticking to my guns was very difficult, but I figured it would be the height of selfishness for me to give in to that threat, so I didn’t.
She told a counselor, after the counselor had (very foolishly) said that their conversation would be completely confidential. The counselor immediately told her parents. Her parents yelled and screamed at her and blamed her for months: the court ordered them to attend 20 parenting classes, at their own expense.
And the situation didn’t improve at all.
In fact, it didn’t improve until the second-oldest of the four daughters went off to college, in a pre-law program. She came home one day, and her father hit her.
She told him that if he ever touched ANY of them again, she’d have a warrant sworn out for his arrest. Apparently she quoted enough legal stuff to convince him that she meant business.
Last I’d heard, he’d gone several years without hitting any of them. And IIRC, the youngest of the daughters should be about 16 now – soon they’ll all be out of that fucked-up household.
I’m not sure what the moral of that story is.
Daniel
I too was a mandated reporter (as a Girl Scout Leader) and have witnessed a lot of neglect and abuse, and I say call. The only unfortunate thing is that the CPS is understaffed, underpaid and overworked - and they do have to investigate any and all reports. Be sure you have some foundation for your report (and it certainly sounds as if you do) and please be willing to be interviewed. As someone else mentioned, CPS will have a better chance of actually getting something done if they’re not dealing with your anonymity.
I will say that what I personally regard as neglect often falls into the category of simple lenient or lazy parenting, and while that is not the optimum environment for a child, it rarely qualifies as actionable. CPS is more likely to act on immediate physical danger than on potential long-term emotional damage.
We had a case where the teenager pushed the mother against the stair railing & knocked her
out & so he called the cops, said she attacked her & CPS, but her husband called the paramedics. She got out of
the hospital & the next day CPS took the kid & put him in foster family for a day until his
father came to take him & sue for full custody. CPS didn’t listen to her at all, even though
the evidence was clear that he pushed her. No amount of appealing to CPS (They must
be deaf or something) did anything. They simply said ‘case closed’ & would not reopen it when
she got well enough to defend her position.
I can’t believe that CPS (Child Protective Services) is so stuck up like that. sigh
Got a site for that, handy?
I wish i read this sooner when this thread was still recieving . but i might as well say what i will. This isnt exactly to the OP because i agree with them but in other CPS cases i would make absolutley sure. I as a child once had an expirience with CPS, the whole case really had no merit . i was not an abused child , but once in a resturaunt my sister and i where fighting and when our mom got a bit upset and somewhat loudly told us to shut up (or something like that) someone who knew my mom and had a little beef with her , called CPS .they came and intervewed and tottally upset everyone . When it came time for them to talk to my sister and i we were both crying and freaked out beyond thought , this didnt put my parents in a good light because for some reason CPS doesnt like crying kids . but thankfully it all worked out and we got to stay home.
I’ve had CPS called on me, thanks to a neighbor with a grudge about loud music (she had it, we complained).
The cops show up at 7am, and find my former house absolutley trashed.
I am a slob, so is my ex-wife, and they happened to catch it at one of the worst points ever.
Add to that the fact that we had to tie the door shut otherwise she tended to roam around outside (she figured out how to unlock the deadbolt really really quickly) and I got a visit from CPS.
It was the worst day of my life.
Worse for my ex-wife, as the cops went to her work and berated her on the sales floor.
Things are better now, but I have the odd thought now of wondering how dirty is too dirty? My ex-wife is not much better than we were long ago, though I’ve improved.
They are healthy, well fed, and the kids are clean. The house, however, is not. So how dirty does the house have to be before one calls CPS?
Guinastasia, a site, nope? Personal experiences don’t need one.
For those teachers or professionals who reported to CPS, did you follow up on the effects
on the family?
I don’t know any folks who don’t get upset with their kids sometimes & scream at them or spank
them or try to restrain them. But one thing I noticed is that there is always someone who thinks
you are raising your kids wrong, however you raise them.
I have two stories to add, hopefully someone notices them…
One was a neighbor called CPS on my parents. It was a strictly malicious call (they had a dog that barked constantly and kept us kiddies up most the night, so my parents called a noise complaint in). The worker came to investigate, saw nothing amiss and went away.
2nd story was my mother and myself when I got older reported my best friends’ parents to CPS. The result of my mom’s report was they stopped getting the “switch” (electrical cord acorss the tops of their thighs).
My report, phoned in after they beat her in front of me when we arrived home late, resulted in nothing. They came and asked her if she wanted to be taken away (how many children do you know would answer yes?). She said no and they left her there. Later I found out she had been molested for years too.
Sigh. I wish I could’ve done more.
For the most part, yes–I was able to follow up on the effects on the family. Lemme tell you first, though, some of the things I reported, lest you think I made frivolous reports against people whose parenting views were healthy but different.
~Six year old kid who had been raped (the year before); lss, we suspected an uncle. Parents refused to take the boy to counseling until we threatened to file a CHINS on him. After a couple of months of counseling, he was doing very well–well enough, in fact, that we thought he would soon be able to name the person who raped him. One day he showed up incoherent and wild. When I finally settled him down, he managed to take a deep breath and get one sentence out: “My momma left me at my Uncle Bill’s again.”
I made a second report on this same child when his mother told him, in a parent-teacher conference, “If you don’t quit being so crazy, I’m gonna kill that f*ckin’ dog.”
~High school age girl. Lots of reports on her. Her mother was verbally abusive, her uncles beat the shit out of her, all the kids were physically neglected. Her young brother once showed up with such a black eye that I really was afraid he would lose his vision, and the nerves were obviously effected because his eyelid had a sag after that. Drug use in the house, momma prostituting her 14 yo (mentally handicapped) daughter, strangers moving in and beating up the kids, you name it. Couldn’t tell you how often these folks were reported. We also reported all this to the state police, who intervened on a regular basis.
~8th grade boy, with a burn on his arm that very obviously came from a heated fork. He was a foster kid in a family full of foster kids. CPS removed him.
~8th grade boy who turned up one day with those bruises behind the ears (can’t remember what they are called, but they’re indicative of head trauma). I started asking questions and documenting injuries and by the time CPS got there, I had documented over FORTY injuries on this kid. His stepdad got mad at him the night before and spent an hour or so just picking him up and throwing him into things. CPS took him right from school and the parents never regained custody, at least in the two years I was there.
~Another foster kid, a girl who turned up with injuries from her foster dad. She was removed from the home.
~Kid who piped up in class, “Look what my mom did” and showed me an enormous bruise on his arm. CPS came and talked to him, talked to his mom, and felt safe sending him home. (I agreed, after talking to him at length.)
I could continue, but you get the drift. Basically, I reported for good reason, because someone was in danger or had been abused.
As far as what effect it had–it sent a very strong message to abusive parents that someone was keeping an eye on that child, and would not hesitate to report any suspected abuse. If nothing else would influence that parent to curb his/her abuse, that fear might, and I sure as hell was willing to be the bad guy if needed. If I made a report, I was absolutely forthright if the parent confronted me about it: Not only was reporting my JOB, it was ethical responsibility, and I had to do the right thing for all of my students. Generally, they understood that I acted out of concern for the kid.
Whew. Sorry, this is terribly long, but having written it all out, I don’t have the heart to erase it.
I’m glad to hear of teachers and such who make repoirts with actual merit .when i was a child my teacher called CPS on a kid in my class because she thought that the girls parents were practicing black magic and the whorship of satan . This of course was absolutle bull . But my teacher still felt like she had to do something to look like a hero , in the end she looked like an ass