You have to realize, too, that teachers don’t have an option. If they suspect abuse, they MUST report it. They canNOT wait until they have proof, they can’t make a decision about whether it’s a “real” case or not, they can’t investigate and make up their own minds about it. It’s a requirement to report if there is a suspicion of abuse, and if a teacher fails to report and a kid ends up dead, the school and the teacher are put into a terrible situation. It’s an enormous responsibility, imo, and I’d rather be wrong than have a kid end up hurt.
I haven’t read most of these posts; they were upsetting me. But I have a little persona experience.
It sounds to me like the parents are not doing their jobs.
If you call, call at three a.m. during a party when the kid is awake.
Call anonymously.
Recently, during a discussion of the Yosemite murders, a friend showed me this webpage about Steven Stayner, where he urged anyone who suspects that a child is in trouble to get involved:
http://www.jwf.org/jwf_stayner.html
While this situation probably isn’t quite the same kind of thing, reading that page really hit home to me that a lot of horrible situations children end up in might be prevented if people were more willing to get involved when their instincts tell them something is wrong. Who knows if yelling at and neglecting a toddler might escalate into something worse? I can’t picture the situation improving any unless there is some intervention.
I think it’s great that you are paying attention to this situation. You seem like a very caring person. I certainly hope you are successful in improving things for the poor child.
spathiphyllum, I have questions about his childhood, there must be something weird going on, as his brother has been
in the news too:
" Cary Stayner had extreme difficulty distinguishing between “the real and the imagined” when he allegedly strangled two Yosemite sightseers and sexually assaulted another before slashing her throat, according to a declaration filed by his lawyer."
(http://www.fresnobee.com/special/stayner/story/1491016p-1567581c.html)
Like almost everyone else, I strongly urge you to call CPS. Let the professionals investigate and decide whether or not there is a problem in the home. Even if nothing seems to come from it, it leaves a paper trail. If they are bad parents, reports will keep trickling in until the authorities have enough to act.
I know someone who had their child taken away. When the child was returned to the home (after a lengthy period), reports started coming in almost immediately. As soon as the authorities had something they could substantiate, they removed that child permanently. Thank god for those concerned citizens. That child is now safe because of them.
And for the record, I have called CPS before. I reported a neighbour because I heard verbal abuse and suspected physical abuse was occuring (and yes, I was scared about calling). I reported a friend who had reason to think her partner might have molested a child. That was just as difficult, but children always come first. It is gut-wrenching to do it, but it’s necessary.
Children can not defend themselves, they dont have a choice. They take the abuse and can only hope that someone out there sees it and can do something. They cant file lawsuits, talk to a lawyer, write their congressman, move out, or any of the stuff older people take for granted. Inconveniencing adults is justified by the special place children have in society. The emotional and psychological security most of us take for granted is shattered by these kids reach adulthood. Im sure all of us have known an adult that is off his/her kilter. They are a good person, but for some reason they just cant put their minds together. They lack confidence and dont even know where to begin to move out of the horrible emotional state they are in. Life is often so difficult that these kids (and these adults) take their own lives. It takes a lot to move out of that mindset, A LOT. The best defense is prevention, no matter what the occasional snafus of CPS are, we have to identify and get at people who have no right being parents.
“Children can not defend themselves”
I don’t agree. They can bite, kick, scratch, hit, strike, use bats, throw plates, toys & rocks…
handy, you aren’t serious are you? If a child who was being abused did that to defend themself against the adult who was abusing them I’m pretty sure things would get worse and not better.
Anyway, I did call the NSPCC to get some advice and they said that the only way something would get done was to call the police the next time they had a party and the child was with them or if I was certain he was left on his own. Like some of you have already pointed out they also said that cases of neglect were always harder to prove than physical abuse, which I understand but it still doesn’t make me feel any better.
The Steven Staynor-wasn’t there a movie about that, called “I Know My First Name is Steven?”
If you have reason to believe that a child is being, or has been abused, call.
I too am legally required to report, like so many others here. That statement above reads as follows for me, and has the force of law. If I have reason to believe that abuse may have occurred, or is likely to occur, I must advise the Child Protective Services, or Adult protective Services department, or its designated representative at once. I am not allowed to do so anonymously.
It’s a misdemeanor not to, for me. It’s a crying shame, for you.
Yes, I know CPS, and the Courts have a fairly unreliable record in this type of case. Their record is better than the results of unreported cases where children are tortured to death, or twisted into pathological criminals by the abuse.
If you want the system to work better, advocate for a better system, but don’t abandon the children being abused now because of it.
Tris
Nortia, I would use those methods as a child if I needed to escape
a situation. Sure, you can’t use them in all situations. In my opinion one should teach children to
“recognize, resist & report”…
http://www.religioustolerance.org/cps_vict.htm
"There are over three million reports of alleged child abuse and neglect each year in the U.S. Two million of them are found to be without foundation"BTW, that website link has numerous books, Internet references & other info on
victums of CPS. It’s just another angle.
Ya know, there are a lot of times I advocate “Ignore it and it’ll go away”, but this is definitely not one of those times. While I’ve never encountered anything remotely resembling what has been described here, I wouldn’t hesitate for a moment if I did. No one deserves abuse, and when the abuser is supposed to be the protector, the trusted parent or guardian, the responsible adult, that person should be reported. I’d do it in a heartbeat.
I had CPS called on me. I had a small one year old child that vomited in thier car seat so I washed them both off together with the garden hose. I didn’t want to drip the vomit on the carpet because then I would have caught it from my wife. That was found to be abuse and turned into the police to press charges. So remember you can’t do anything your parents did to discipline you. You can’t even yell at them, oh thats verbal abuse. They now walk all over us. We tell them to to take a time out, they say no, and tear up something else. If we ground them, they just leave anyway. Im afraid if I yell at them the neighbors will call the police. The school suggested we give them drugs for A.D.D. I can see why their are so many divorces, fathers can’t do their job. I have had it im ready to give up and leave. My wife can go find MR. PERFECT, i am not him.
BeatenMan: Perhaps there was some method of cleaning up your children without getting vomit on the rug short of spraying them with the hose, such as wet wipes, a washcloth, handtowel, tissues, or paper towels? These are items commonly carried in the baby bag.
So one in three children (give or take) in an abusive or neglectful household potentially gets help? Sounds worth it to me.
This is potentially the stupidest thing I have ever read on this board. Yeah, a three year old has piles of options to stop an irate adult from beating them. :rolleyes:
Jophiel, a child is anyone under 18, right? Sure, I agree with you a three year old fighting back is one thing
but a 14 year old is another thing.
No, it is very unlikely that you would. If you were an abused child, you would be much more likely to behave as many abused children do–you’d hide your injuries, defend your abusers, cling to the only family you knew, blame yourself, believe that if you were a better child your parents wouldn’t do this to you, withdraw, have trouble in school–
Oh. Am I ranting again? Sorry.
Abused children don’t learn to recognize, resist, and report…and by the time a child is in school, he may have lived in an abusive home ALL his life. Try to overcome THAT type of brainwashing with a little lesson on social awareness just after recess some afternoon.
BeatenMan, family counseling might be worth considering. Kids can be disciplined without crossing the line, and they can learn to behave without requiring you to be the perfect parent. It might be well worth your while–sometimes it just takes a little bit of intervention from someone other than the parent.
Well, since the OP deals with a toddler aged child, that’s where my mindset was at. Of course, after being abused for the past 10-14 years because they couldn’t have fought back anyway, I sincerely doubt the average beaten down pre or early teen will suddenly find the reserves to change their situation on their own. Can it happen? Sure. Will it? Probably not. For proof you only need to look to children who’ve spent years in abusive households.
Per the OP: I’d make the call. Easy for me to say since I don’t have to do it, but I hope you find it in yourself to make sure someone follows through on it.