Yes, it was me that called the cops on you last night. I called them when, for 30 minutes, your front door was wide open, three of your kids were running around in the parking lot (with no coats and no shoes in at 45 degrees) and your other kid, an infant, was screaming his little guts out and getting more upset by the minute, and you were nowhere in sight. Too bad you got back literally TWO minutes before you cops did, and now they probably think I’m some crazy lady who freaks out at nothing.
For most of the three months since you moved in, I’ve been minding my own business. I’ve been shutting you and your wild-ass heathen children out. I’ve been sticking my fingers in my ears and going “Lalalalalala I can’t hear you!” Because I like to relax when I get home after a hard day at work, and I have my own family to take care of. However, about a week ago something snapped in me and I started actually listening to what’s been going on over there, 8 feet away. I’ve heard you screaming at them. I’ve heard you cursing them like I wouldn’t curse a bum on the street. I’ve heard you whacking away at them with an object while screaming “Get up! Get up!” It’s breaking my heart.
Yes, your kids act like crazed wild animals, but YOU’RE the reason why!
So you can give me the stink eye every time I pass you in the breezeway, and you can slam your front door to send me a message or whatever all you want.
But I’m still here. And I’m still listening. And I’m going to be here for your kids. And it’s a shame that a stranger is there for them while their own mother is not. I’m not going to let your baby grow up being treated like that.
And yes, I have gone to her and communicated to her that I’d noticed lately that she’s having a really hard time with her children, and that if she needed any help to let me know.
Calling the cops was the right thing to do. But if you don’t feel like the cops did enough (and under the circumstances maybe there wasn’t much they could do) it might be worth calling the offices of child protective services or the local equivalent and just telling them what you’ve seen. Leaving infants and little children alone is a pretty serious matter, even potentially life-threatening. Even if all CPS can do right now is open a file, it will create documentation that the cops and social workers will be able to consider the next time there’s a problem.
Yes, it’s my plan for CPS to be involved at the right time. I just don’t feel that I have enough to tell them yet to warrant a serious investigation. I know what I’ve heard and witnessed, though. I really wish I would’ve started paying attention sooner. I want to do some more observing, and have more detailed information for them. In the meantime, if I see something as dangerous as I did last night (the kids being left alone like that) I will keep calling the cops. Maybe if they come out enough, they’ll figure out there’s something wrong over there. I forgot to clarify, all four of her kids are under 7.
There will come a day, soon, when I will call CPS, and I hope against hope that something actually comes of it.
I would try and get CPS involved as soon as possible. The cops can do nothing if they don’t actually witness anything. If they keep coming back and nothing is wrong you will be known as the crazy lady. CPS (or the local equivilant) is obligated to look further if there is a complaint. It’s important to get a file started on this woman.
It would be good to get CPS involved quickly. If you let them know what you’ve seen and heard so far when you call intake, they’ll get out there and investigate it. It sounds like what would be a Priority 2 (here in Texas), which means that the first contact would be initiated within 10 days of the report being made.
Good on you for being a caring & concerned neighbor.
As someone who has worked with my state’s version of CPS for years, I encourage you to call anyhow and let THEM decide if what you report is “serious enough” or what “the right moment” is. For all you know, your neighbor might have had reports made on her prior to when she moved in 3 months ago. The police wouldn’t necessarily have or care to collect that information on the first call, but it’s a very real possibility.
You’re a good neighbor, and a good advocate for those kids.
Good Lord, if you heard the screaming going on in my house, you’d THINK I was abusing them, but no, that’s just their normal conversational tone, it seems…
I AM glad though, that you’re doing something about this, trublmakr.
Is there any value videotaping any incidents while you are waiting for cops to show up? CPS may be interested. Get a cheapo tripod and leave it recording if you go over there to try and help, or whatever.
I’ll jump on the bandwagon that thinks the time to call CPS is right now, and tell them everything you’ve seen, heard, witnessed. As has been mentioned, there may already be a case file on this family, and your report might be what pushes the envelope over the edge to get the kids removed from that home, and into a home where they will be safe and cared for. Or if there’s not a file already open, this will open one. CPS does more than remove children, you know. If the mother really does need help in order to be a fit parent for her young children, CPS can help put her in contact with the resources that she needs. If the mother is not willing to be a good parent, your report will get a file open. Even if nothing is done right now, you can keep calling every time you see or here something suspicious. Eventually, you will get through to them.
We had to call the cops on our neighbors in our previous apartment. They left their toddler locked out on their porch in the middle of winter in nothing but a diaper, as some sort of punishment from what I could gather (the kid was understandably screaming her head off). But, like your case, the cops got there too late, after the mom let the kid back inside. I wish now we had called CPS on them because god knows what that little kid is going through now It’s just heartbreaking, but maybe you can make a difference for those kids.
Good for you! Do not be afraid to stand up for the little one…you may be the only friend they have.
I remember a story in the paper a year or two ago where a little fellow died (if I remember correct, about 2 years old). He was left outside because he couldn’t make it up the outdoor steps by himself, despite his mother’s screaming at him that if he couldn’t make it up the stairs, he couldn’t come in the house. All this according to the neighbour lady who listened to it all and DID NOTHING but testified at the trial of the mother.
How she can look at herself in the mirror every day, I truly can’t imagine. And why she wasn’t charged also boggles my mind…I mean, to DO NOTHING?
I couldn’t bring my self to read the entire story however it is something I will never forget - not so much that the little boy died (unforgiveable enough) but that the lady had the nerve to testify at trial but did nothing to save the little boy.
I agree that you should call your version of CPS. If they do nothing, call them again the next time there is a situation. Too many people sit by and do nothing, like the next-door lady that didn’t help the 2 year old. If people would stop thinking of children as personal property, like a television set and rather as a community asset (sorry for the cliche, but they are “our future”), we would all be a lot better off.
Jumping on the contact CPS now bandwagon… As someone who works closely with CPS and other state protective agencies, I can tell you they’d rather you report the case even if you don’t think you have enough information. It isn’t really your job to gather proof–it’s the investigator’s job and they’re happy to do it. It’s great that you care enough to try and intervene. Says a lot about your character.
Okay, okay. You guys convinced me. I called in late to work this morning and called CPS. The only reason I hesitated was because in this state, you have to leave your name. And if they really press it, CPS has to tell the person that was called on who called on them. I don’t really know this woman, so I don’t know what she’s capable of. I’ve notified my apartment manager, though, and if anything happens to my home or car, the neighbor will be very suspicious.
I’m crossing my fingers. Apparently CPS will contact me to let me know what’s been done.
Thanks for the encouragement, Dopers!
Wow, trblmakr , you are not living up to your username at all!
I had no idea you’d have to leave a name. here in MA, you can do an anonymous call, although they are taken less seriously, since sometimes people will report each other for vindictive reasons.
Good for you, though, and I’m glad you involved your apartment manager, just in case.
It’s just heartbreaking, but maybe you can make a difference for those kids.