If I ever say "Hey, I think I'll shop at Sainsbury's this time", kick me in the head

The BBQ Pit
1

My local branch of Sainsbury’s has just undergone major renovation - it is geographically the most proximal major supermarket, but I wouldn’t normally shop there; partly because the prices are high and partly because the clientelle seems to include a higher-than-usual proportion of complete and total fucking wankers.

But focus, Mangetout, today’s bile is spilled over the store itself; in summary: layout, fixturing, range:

Store layout:
What sodding store layout? Is there one?
On entering the store, I find myself confronted by a haphazard collection of chiller gondolas arrayed in a sort of scattered diagonal configuration, but the whole damn thing is so scattered that everybody ends up backtracking and looping around like some grotesque human-bagatelle-trolley-dance-of-mental-death - it hurts and it doesn’t work - Oh, I know, if you (the design gurus) force me to walk around every shelf seventeen times, there’s a slightly higher chance I’ll impulse-buy a Norwegian Coldwater Cod Souffle or a Seven-cheese tart with palm hearts, but you have to consider that my patience is a finite commodity - I may impulse-buy, or instead I may simply embark on a wanton killing spree.

Fixturing:
The bloody chiller cabinets are entirely open-fronted - they are just stacks of shelves with a constant stream of cold air wafting over them, as a result, the entire meat and dairy section of the store is refrigerated to 3[sup]o[/sup]C, including the bit I’m standing in. Do I need to mention that it is December and I just came in out of the cold? Hmmm?

Product range:
For fuck’s sake! I just want a jar of chocolate spread for my son’s breakfast. He’s five years old. He probably won’t like Orinoco Hand-picked dark cocoa bean spread with Java lime, he probably won’t even eat Belgian Chocolatier truffle spread with pan-toasted Armenian walnuts or dark Mocha spread with Indonesian stem ginger, Grand Marnier and cracked coffee beans. I just want chocolate spread. Chocolate. Fucking. Spread! It isn’t much to ask, surely.
I would also like a jar of peanut butter, crunchy variety please. What’s that? Bavarian seven-nut butter with sesame swirls? Organic Tasmanian macadamia butter with roasted almond chunks? Can’t you sell me just one item of normal food?

If I EVER say “Hey, I think I’ll shop at Sainsbury’s this time, after all, it’s closer”, please, just kick me in the head.

2

Ahhh, you like crunchy peanut butter. I award you the Kyla Seal of Approval™, Mangetout. Sorry about your shopping experience, but at least you’re not one of those pathetic souls who eats creamy peanut butter. Take heart.

3

I have a fair idea of what you’re talking about here as I recently ended up helping my best mate do is wekly shop at his new local Sainsburys and found it to be a nightmare maze of dead ends, blind corners and an explosion in the world’s most pretentious delicatessen. Luckily my nearest seems to be sticking wit the tried and tested “aisle” system which seems to work so well.

4

How disgraceful. When you just want to get some Mr. Brain’s Faggots, or some product that is marked “by appointment to Her Majesty the Queen,” you get Norwegian Coldwater Cod forced down your throat.

US supermarkets are starting to cater to an even more upscale market, in response to the proliferation of Wal-Mart Supercenters and Wal-Mart Neighborhood Markets. You would probably go batty in the Pacific Northwest, where foo-foo organic supermarkets liek Whole Foods and Wild Oats seem to outnumber normal supermarkets.

5

Oh man, I love Whole Foods. I don’t know what it is, but I like shopping there way more that a regular supermarket. I think it might be the lighting, or the paint. Seriously, it seems less sterile and more homey. The produce looks more enticing.

Don’t even get me started on Trader Joe’s.

6

Oh man, I miss Trader Joe’s. Wegman’s here is a decent substitute in that it has everything, but the problem is that, well, they have everything. Even their smaller stores are the size of the Houston Astrodome.

I don’t get the problem with Sainsbury’s, though. Tesco does the same thing. In fact, so have almost all the supermarkets I’ve ever frequented to one extent or another. Rotate the stock occasionally, just to keep shoppers on their toes and to hope they’ll buy something else.

[sub]Mr. Brain’s Faggots…“by appointment to the Queen”…snerk snerk snerk[/sub]

7

Thankfully I moved house not long after my local Sainsbury’s had it’s “re-vamp”. It was damn good timing on my part, as it really is a nightmare!

I find shopping for food a mind-numbing experience at the best of times, without negotiating my way through six thousand chiller cabinets…
It makes me wonder why Jamie Oliver looks so damn happy with himself.

8

Wow, I’ve never seen a Sainsbury, but from your description, it sounds like a pretty cool place to shop. :smiley:

9

The paltry fare on offer in Irish supermarkets makes me yearn for stuff like Sainsbury’s Amazonian tree-frog liver paté with a coulis of pigmy-picked cloud-forest loganberries. More strength to their arm.

If you want simple chocolate spread, go to your local Happy Shopper outlet. Leave Sainsbury for us pseudo-gourmand snobs.

10

They’re the Hyacinth Bucket of supermarkets to me; somewhere between the populist Tesco and the gorgeously superior Waitrose. Plus, Sainsbury’s was big in Thatcher’s 80s Britain and that’s enough for me to detest everything about them - you don’t even need to mention Jamie awwight geezer Oliver.

They’ve also been taking a terrible hammering from Tesco for several years and, I guess, are trying some fresh ideas to perk up the profits. In the nicest possible way, thanks, but no thanks.

But with regard to the noble Mangetout OP, I agree but I wonder how much of his concern lays with change itself . . . people don’t like it, donchaknow

11

gorgeously superior? are you kidding? Waitrose has the most ridiculously overpriced crap ever. I have to go there if I just need a few bits & bats (bread, fresh ingredients etc) and it sucks. Squarely aimed at rich people who don’t know shit about food.
As for Sainsburys, I’ll go there if I fancy a roast because they seem to be the cheapest for meat in such quantities. Otherwise, the big arse 24 hour Asda, which is a pain to get to and from and I can never find anything in there either, but at least its cheap.

You want a quality supermarket?

Morrisons

But they don’t have them in South England. Or at least, none near me that would make it worth my while going.

Jamie Oliver should have his huge Mockney tongue cut out for those hideously shite adverts. Twat.
:mad:

12

My local Sainsbury is currently in the process of doubling in size. They’ve acquired the land next to the store and are colonising. I dread to think what it’ll be like when it’s finished.

13

I’d like to bow to the culinary expertise of the Gordon Ramsey of Wigan fookin’ Pier but I’ve got to save the mushy peas from some hungry looking whippets . . .

Morrisons recently got the ‘all-clear’ to take over a soft southern chain (who i can’t recall), so one of them is about to be ‘Morrisonised’

14

Nobody could accuse Sainsbury’s in Oxford of being up-market … most of my shopping, though, is done at the local Co-op. Which is staffed almost exclusively by Malaysian exchange students with very limited English skills. Fun.

15

Don’t get me wrong; my tastes are far from uniformly pedestrian, it’s just that sometimes, I need ordinary white bread, not Organic stoneground ciabatta with sicilian chestnut pesto. Sainsbury’s has, I believe, gone past the point of balance between basic foodstuffs and overpriced, pretentious pseudo-gourmet food (pseudo because in many cases, the name of the product is the only really exotic thing about it)

16

You’re all mad.

Do a monthly shop off the internet for longlasting staples, then go to your local fishmonger/greengrocer/butchers for fresh, cheap produce as you need it.

You get to support local shops, and you avoid having to spend an hour milling around trying to find stuff with another hour queuing!

You can thank me later.

17

Pardon the ignorant Yank, but wasn’t one of these featured in 28 Days Later?

18

Local Shops for Local People!

19

Oh Gary, if only we had a fishmonger, butcher or even greengrocer in my town. We used to. Now we’re reduced to a fish stall once a week on the market. God bless supermarkets.

20

Does this mean that somewhere in deepest Kuala Lumpur there’s a supermarket staffed with 18-year old clueless, spotty, uncoordinated Herberts who spend most of their time gawping at soon-to-be-pregnant 17-year old check out girls and worrying about whether they need just a tad more hair gel ?