If I had $1 Billion or more...

I would build a giant, I mean fuckin’ HUGE, statue of myself somewhere near exit 17 or 18 on I-84, CT. Somewhere so everyone on the highway would see it. Screw a new house or nice cars or charity, a giant statue is definitely the way to go.

How big a statue could you get for a billion dollars? Even the people behind the Crazy Horse monument and Mount Rushmore had the advantage of a convenient mountain to underpin things…

The Angel of the North

I’ve always thought that If I was Bill Gates my will would take all my money and build the largest statue of a penis I could. Reinforced with the toughest-high tech material available.

I can guess what Freud would say about it, but I think it would be the greatest joke of all time if millions of years after humanity destroys itself aliens come by and the only remnant of civilization is my giant penis, visible from space. That would screw with their stupid alien minds.

Wouldn’t it be more fun to build not one but several regular sized statues all around the state of CT, I mean a farkin’ TON of statues, of some guy you pick out for no particular reason, just to mess with his head?

Mine is visible from space right now, and I didn’t have to spend any money on a statue.

If I had Bill Gates’s money, I would buy all kinds of businesses and name them after myself. I’d have an airline called “Rick Air” and every plane would have my grinning face as the tail art. I’d buy an amusement park and call it “Rickland,” and all the rides would be themed on my life. I’d have a casino on the Strip called Rick Vegas, and my face would be on the felt of every card table. In fact, I’d have the diamonds taken out of every deck of cards and replaced with Ricks. You’d be hoping for a Ten of Ricks every time you doubled down on 11. The jackpot symbol on all the slot machines would be me. I’d open a chain of steak houses called Rick’s, and the 16-ounce porterhouse would be called “The Big Rick.”

Then I’d buy a huge parcel of land in the middle of nowhere, use my money and influence to have it incorporated as a city, get myself elected mayor, and rename it Rickston. Then I’d build a huge new stadium, absolutely state-of-the-art, call it Rick’s Coliseum, and I’d buy an NFL team and move it in and rename them the Ricks. The Rickston Ricks. If I could I’d also get a hockey team, a baseball team, and a basketball team and they’d all be called the Rickston Ricks. The baseball team caps and football helmets would sport the same grinning face you’d see on my airplanes. I might get a soccer team too, but I’d call them R.J. United.

I like me.

Public estimates put the resolution of modern spy satellites at about 10 cm (around 4 inches)…

I like it