Well I’d buy you some art (a Picasso or a Garfunkel)
If I had a million dollars (if I had a million dollars)
Well I’d buy you a coat (but not a real fur coat - that’s cruel!)
If I had a million,
I’d buy you a nice Hallmark card
(I’d keep the million, cause I am cruel)
If I had a million dollars.
We wouldn’t have to walk to the store.
If I had a million dollars,
We’d take public transportation, to lower our carbon footprints…
If I had a million bucks (If I did)
I would buy you an electric car ( to save your footsteps and not be cruel)
I couldn’t make you love me. 
For a million bucks I can fake it,
(Which might be cruel)
I’d buy John Merrick’s remains,
And give them a proper, respectful burial…
(That would be cruel)
If I had a million $$, I’d pay to see that.