Oh, I’d probably have rigged it so that human nerve tissue either grew back, or could have broken sections fairly readily “gapped” with certain silicon compounds.
Probably kill myself.
I would have given people perfect teeth that didn’t rot. What is the advantage in having teeth that rot? Giving employment to dental people? I can live without that.
I’d make a rock so big I couldn’t pick it up, just for the hell of it.
Then I’d make a chick so hot I couldn’t pick her up.
- I’d make death optional.
- I’d make humans more like lizards with the ability to grow back missing limbs, parts, etc. And maybe able to leap tall buildings, or some such.
- From a science fiction novel I read many years ago: Women would have the ability to, uh, snip off any offending object inserted into their vaginas. See 2 above if anyone objects too strenuously.
- If I wanted anyone to follow my rules, I’d make myself actually known to those individuals so that there was no doubt about what I wanted. I can create a frikken universe, but I can’t send a simple message like ‘I’m here. Don’t fuck with me!’?!
Actually, I kill off all the men and fat hairy chicks and spend eternity servicing the rest. 
It’s good to be God.
For a start…
Instead of petrolium, long-term geological pressure and heat on ancient deposits of zooplankton and algae would form huge pockets of Bearnaise sauce.
I’d make cats hypoallergenic to begin with.
Stupid would hurt.
Being a prick would generate an insatiable itch just below the coccyx that wouldn’t go away until you did something good to offset it.
Excess body fat could be eliminated at will.
Trans fats would be good for you.
Brussels sprouts wouldn’t be.
I would not allow anyone to believe in me, instead allowing Mankind to simply accept that “shit happens,” and that nothing should ever be done in my name.
(singing, in a reedy folksinger voice)
“If God were john Carpenter,
And you were Gene Keady,
Would you worship Him anyway?
Would you praise Him daily?”
If I were God, I wouldn’t allow people to waste a lot of time on shame and guilt. I would command people to not worship Me. What a collosal waste of humanity that shit is! All that boring “Thou art so freaking cool, and we are but fleas on Thy dog.” Rubbish! Get over it. You’re pretty cool yourselves, people. Don’t dis My work. I’d let 'em keep the church buildings, though, for concerts. Those big pipe organs kick ass. 
I’d delete Leviticus altogether. All that nonsense about not eating pigs and ospreys, and rules about your slaves; that’s not My will. In fact, I’d whittle down the whole Bible to a few pages, built around “Donlt be a jerk.” I’d dial down everybody abilities for rage and violence. I’ll do the smiting; it’s not humanity’s job.
No need to say, “God Bless this or that.” I did that already.
If I were god I’d answer more prayers.
Then I’d create a race of super horny cat girls who love being slaves.
Superheroes would really exist.
I probably wouldn’t have bothered creating mankind at all. I would have spent eternity just entertaining myself.
I would take a more Greek approach and actually mingle with people more often, plus trick a few hot chicks into sleeping with me to produce some half-god children.
I would make one giant “God White Board” and write down what I wanted on there instead of giving vague signs to be interpreted. Most of the time it would say “enjoy yourself but don’t hurt anyone”
I would hang around seances and fuck with people by playing tambourines and throwing books around and stuff.
I would give Sylvia Browne some balls so I could kick her in them.
If I were God:
I would create a time machine and then abdicate my Godness and leave it to those more qualified, someone who wanted the responsibility and would do good and interesting things.
Maybe a division of labor. On this thread I think it would be fun to divide the Godness between Mindfield, Anyrose, Strain of Thought and Nic2004. Then, I could drop by in my time machine every now and again to see whether preternaturally healthy people with and without arms growing out of their backs found nobility or lost all hope when their world became an astral shooting gallery.
I’d post my image on toast, shower curtains and the sides of cows.
Performance Art God
There wouldn’t be any doubt that I existed, I’d be smiting people all the time. And not in any way where you can second guess.
“There is no God”
SMITE
Lighting bolt then lights him on fire. Then a cow falls onto him to put him out.
I like this idea. But I would also write up witty quotations and newspaper clippings and leave them there for way too long.
I’m pretty sure creating mankind (or life, anyway) IS how God is entertaining him/her/itself!
True very true. Metatron even said so in Dogma!
:eek: I’m right here!
For godsake.