What would I be like as God?
Well duh. I wouldn’t create despair, sadness, boredom etc…
I wouldn’t create that thing humans have whereby they ‘normalize’ things… In other words they get used to negativity or posativity and experience it as neutrality. (or mild negativity)
I actually have a shirt with the apocalypse ponies on it, it rocks. 
If I only could, I’d make a deal with Kate Bush, and I’d get her to swap our places.
What song is that? I have no idea. I guess this may date me a little bit, though, 'cause a song did go through my head but it was Joan Osborne’s One Of Us (with lyrics similarly replete with disdain for the subjunctive mood… not case ;)).
If I were an all-powerful deity, I would do a few miracles, a bit of smiting, and then appear at random all over the world, pointing at people and telling them how terribly wrong they’ve been their entire lives. And then I would laugh at them.
Then I would attempt to make a bowl of ice cream so large I could not eat it, and vanish in a puff of logic.
“Mr. President, you tried this same plan twice before, and it failed both times. Why do you think it will succeed this time?”
“I told them it has to.”
“Well why didn’t you tell them that the first two times?”
Well, when I made people I’d have installed an arm on the back, between the shoulder blades, so they could scratch their own backs. I’d put eyes in the back of heads for real. Stuff that’s good for you would taste better than stuff that’s bad for you. Children would be immune from terrible diseases. I would make it so people felt the pain they inflicted on others, either physical or emotional. I’d have a zipper-like addition on the belly so you could eat anything you want and have it just fall out the front if desired. I’d make an umbrella that doesn’t turn inside-out in the wind. Farts and body odor would smell like honeysuckle and vanilla, respectively. One would be born old and would grow younger, smarter and better looking as time passed and would die at their most healthy. Maybe make water compressible so you could take a small tank and water a desert for crops. I’d make a real after-life with occasional communication by anyone with anyone so information would never be lost but no-one would be tempted to live in the past.
Just off the top of my head.
If I were God, I’d take a hands-off approach to universe management. I’d let the universe mostly run itself, but I’d intervene just enough to ensure that people endlessly argue about whether I exist.
Then I’d unleash hordes of poisonous monkeys.
And on the eighth day, I would say, “Verily, thou shalt eliminate the subjunctive mood”.
And it were good.
Please, join us. Won’t you?
votes “Aye”
I’d punish Abraham for almost killing Isaac—the correct response would have been to refuse to sacrifice his son, because any god who’d demand that for no reason would be unworthy of worship. “Trick question, asshole!”
And holy cities that people fight over would develop an unusual tendency to destroy themselves. (Freak earthquakes dropping them below sea-level, volcanic eruptions burying them in lava, infestations by Sumatran Rat-Monkeys, etc.)
Eh…and, on the whole, I think I’d do a lot more smiting. Cruel, gruesome, smiting.
And I would seal off Baby Jesus’s tear ducts.
If I were god, I would create billions of stars and lifeless planets, trying a slightly different recipie for each, to see if I could get anything interesting to develop. If one of those planets happened to spawn some notable phenomenon, like life, or perhaps slood, I’d focus my attention on it and start prodding it with unnatural disasters and natural asters until the life either became somewhat interesting or stopped trying. Then, without ever directly revealing my existence, I’d manipulate the somewhat interesting life into quarreling with itself, and then sit back and watch the ensuing reality-TV show for the next few millenia.
You may not be surprised to learn that I deeply enjoyed stirring up anthills as a child.
If I were God, I would see to it that the thread hadn’t already been grammar-nitpicked before I got to it.
(Teacher: " ‘Take the cow into the field!’ - What mood?"
Little Johnny: “The cow, sir”)
Yes. Please join us. Our work here is not yet complete.
If I were a mischievous God, all daughters of right-wing conservatives would fall hopelessly, madly, in love with sons of leftist liberals (and vice vesa); the sons of right-wing conservatives would be gay; the daughters of leftist liberals would become housewives.
Were I a benevolent God, I’d be exhausted from answering prayers all over the place, but mostly, I’d bring my parents, sister, and sister-in-law back to life, healthy and happy, and able to enjoy my brother’s grandson.
This thread is all in good fun, but I’d like to add that it’s turned humorously creepy with three posters joining in on a chant of *“Join us! Joooooooooooin ussssss!”
*
You guys are freaking me out!
(btw, nice reference CynicalGabe)
If you’re freaked out, imagine how I feel!
If I were god:
the human body would be able to metabolize efficiently, and store required nutrients until needed.
the human body would have much better maintenance and feeback systems.
the human mind would be much less susceptible to ‘emotional baggage’ type connections, and would have a more robust and easier to access memory system.
I’ve never understood people who hold up the ‘perfection’ of the human form as proof for god. If god made us, I wanna see the requirements docs, and have a few words with QA.