If you could rewrite Genesis.......

What would you change?

Would Adam arrive as a blob of DNA on a meteorite? Would he have picked up Eve at an office party? What would be different?

I’d have packed Noah’s Ark with women, and a handful of cats to keep them happy. Add a couple of cows, pigs, chickens and other tasty animals, but to hell with the spiders, snakes, vermin and buzzards.

I have had it with these motherfucking snakes on this motherfucking ark!

Less prudity, more nudity.

And spend the rest of eternity picking up roadkill yourself?

here’s the part I’m dying to re-write:

And God blessed them, and said unto them, be happy, but be responsible, and preserve the earth: you have not dominion over, but responsibility for, the fish of the sea, and the fowl of the air, and every living thing that moveth upon the earth. These creatures are My first children and I love them: they are your brothers and sisters, and thou shalt not kill.

There is no Hell but what you make of earth: you and your children and your children’s children must share this Eden and live in it forever, it is your most sacred duty. I will hold you accountable.

Three words: Adam and Steve

I’d make sure they never wrote Abacab.

What??

In the beginning… look at me, I’m God! Outta my way!

The End.

Bite your tongue, heathen! That’s one of their greatest post-Gabriel albums, ever!!!
Calling All Stations can die in a fire, though.
On topic:
On the seventh day, God rested.
On the eighth day, while nursing a massive hangover, God looked at his creation and said: “WTF was I thinking?”

Win.

I wouldn’t change any of it; I’d just insist that the juicier passages not get skipped over in the readings in churches. I’m thinking of stuff like Genesis 38 or Genesis 19:30-38.

I would totally add zombies. A badass Abraham fighting zombies.

“And the Serpent said unto Eve, ‘Remember, eating the apples was all Adam’s idea.’”

Unusual, somewhat out of place, but very clearly written numerological references to the hydrogen line, and nearby stars.

Manna is PEOPLE!!!