If Inigo Montoya belonged to other cultural stereotypes

Cafe Society
161

Jay: “You know what, Silent Inigo? I can just tell today’s gonna be a great day. Hangin’ out in front of the merchant, drinkin’ mead, lookin’ at the ladies… ‘sup slut?”

Silent Inigo taps Jay and points at an approaching man.

Man In Black: “You holding?”

Jay: “Just the biggest dick you’ve ever seen.”

Man In Black: [rolls eyes] “Bag of iocane.”

Jay: “Fifteen gold, little man, put that shit in my hand. And if that money doesn’t show then you owe me, owe me, owe.”

Jay and the Man In Black exchange pouches.

Jay: “Yanno, you really ought to lay off that iocane. That shit will fucking kill you.”

Man In Black: “Oh, it’s not me who’s going to die from it.” [begins to walk away, stops, and turns back] “Say, Silent Inigo, I thought you might like to know there’s a six fingered man in town. Farewell.” [walks off]
*
Jay and Silent Inigo look at each other incredulously.*

Jay: “Six fingered man? Isn’t that the cocksucker that killed your father?”

Silent Inigo nods emphatically.

Jay: “See, Lunchbox? I told you it was going to be a great day!” [adjusts wool cap] “Silent Inigo? Let’s go kick that deformed pussy’s ass, fuck some bitches and shmoke some weed!”

Later, after finding the six fingered man…

Jay: “I’m Jay and this is my hetero life mate Silent Inigo. Tubby here tells me you killed his father. Well, now, we’re gonna to fuck your shit up. Snoogans.”

162

But, wait, there’s MORE! Call within the next fifteen minutes, and we’ll throw in a FREE Man In Black!

163

Heh, this reminded me of something:

‘And I walked over to the bench there, where they put you if you may not be moral enough to join the army after committin’ your special crime, and there was all kinds of mean nasty ugly looking people on the bench there. Mother rapers. Father stabbers. Father rapers! Father rapers sitting right there on the bench next to me! And the meanest, ugliest, nastiest one, the meanest father raper of them all, was coming over to me and he was mean an’ ugly an’ nasty an’ horrible and all kind of things and I couldn’t help but notice as he sat down next to me and said, “Kid, whad’ya get?” that the hand he was holdin’ out to me had an extra digit, amounting to a total of six mother rapin’, father stabbin’ fingers.

And then I remembered, I realized that this must be the same no good mother rapin’ father stabber that killed my own father many years ago, evidently having already used up his own and wanting to borrow mine. Well, I recognized that here was my chance for re-venge, so I turned to him and I said, I said, "Mister, my name is Arlo Montoya, and I may not have twenty seven eight-by-ten colour glossy pictures with the circles and arrows and a paragraph on the back of each one explaining what each one was to be used as evidence against you, but you killed my father and I, I tell you, I wanna KILL.’

164

[very slowly spoken] “Mi Nombre is Inigo “Slowpoke” Rodriguez Montoya and you keeled my father. Prepare to die…” [pulls out a gun twice his size and blows him away]

Speedy: My cousin isn’t fast, but he carry a beeg gun and loved his papa! Ungele!!!