If my life was like a videogame...

If my life was like a videogame…

The pros:

I could walk around carrying a pistol, shotgun, sniper rifle, rocket launcher, flame thrower and about 1000 rounds of ammunition all in my backpack. Also, changing weapons would take about 0.01 of a second.

I would be able to withstand at least 10 gunshots to the temple without even a headache.

I would be able to walk back and forth sideways at incredible speed, like a human crab on steroids.

I could jump off buildings, fall 50 ft to the ground, and suffer no physical injury whatsoever.

If I needed some bandages, painkillers, or more ammunition, I could just walk around the street or go into an office building, and there would be some on the floor just waiting to be picked up.
The cons…

For some reason, 90% of doors in office buildings will be locked.

Although able to withstand 10 gunshots to the head, the downside would be that the 11th shot would kill me instantly.
:cool:

any more?

Pro: I could slow down time to dodge bullets, speed up time to pummel a room full of thugs, and instantly become the center of attention with the touch of a button.

Con: I’d have to wear a pink cape.

The vast hordes of twits who compensate for their limited intelligence and poor skills by cheating like motherf.ckers would be a daily bummer.

Wait a minute…

More cons :

You’d be unable to hop over or climb 3-foot barriers. If you’re lucky, though, you might be able to climb ladders.

Every so often, you’d find yourself stuck 500 feet in the air, without anything appearing to hold you up, and you’d be unable to move.

The game of chicken routine played out in hallways might occasionally turn into a deadly serious standoff, as you stare each other down and no one moves a muscle (or alternately, you repeatedly bump into each other over and over).

Nearly everyone in the world would want to kill you, just for existing.

There would stance in which to crouch. Most likely you could never lie prone and get comfortable, though.

Pro:

While crouched, you can do all those crab-like maneuvers nearly as fast as most people can walk.

Some sort of radar that detects all motion or life within a certain radius would exist; it would probably also be able to tell whether such life is friendly or not.

Sometimes if you kill someone, they’d reappear alive and well several minutes later. However, they might try the same stupid thing they did to get themselves killed again.

Every computer everywhere would use the same operating system and connect to the same network and run the same program (this may not be a pro …)

Coupla different games…

Pros:

–I could throw fireballs by eating flowers.
–Mushrooms make me grow huge.

Cons:

–Those turtles are deadly.

Pros:

–I can make trains disintegrate by sprinkling feathers on them.

There is only one pro I can’t think of:

–I could save my life status in the exact point before taking a hard decision. If it doesn’t work, I can always reload the saved file.

And one con:

–I hope my life wasn’t a videogame I can beat in three days. After that, it will be pretty boring…

Pro:

  • You can take a few steps and swing a sword at an enemy who is standing some yards away and it can potentially kill him

Con:

  • You can only move in 4 directions

If my life were a video game…I would have died thousands and thousands and thousands of times over.

Fortunately, I’ve only died once. (Keeps straigt face)

Pros:

-I can easily pilot any tank, jet, or even starship without any prior training whatsoever.

-I can pick things up by stepping on them.

-Most weapons use the exact same ammunition.
Cons:

-If I touch something spiky, no matter how lightly, I will die instantly.

-There are bottomless pits scattered everywhere.

-That #$@% princess is another goddam castle.

Pro:

Even if I was on the verge of death, I could still run as fast as when I’m healthy.

All first aid would work nearly instantly, and heal you as completely as if you’d never been injured.

Con:

You’d never know if some horrible creature might suddenly teleport into a room with you. No place could be considered safe.

The whole universe would consist only of a small number of areas. If you tried to go “outside” these areas, you would find yourself in a void.

Occasionally flaws in the nature of reality would allow ordinarily impossible things to happen. This would be entertaining but inconvenient.

Con:

All your base would belong to someone else.

Along those lines, people just began to speak decent english in the last few years. Back in the 80s everyone spoke horrible fragmented nonsensical english, as if it were badly translated or something.

You’d be pretty safe within cities, but step out into any sort of wildnerness and you run the risk of horrible monsters suddenly appearing and attacking you. Fortunately, once they attack, they sit and wait for you to attack them or run away. If you manage to run away, they disappear again.

And when you kill anything or anyone, the corpse fades out of existence completely. It would make autopsies impossible but it would be far less messy at least.

And if you stayed crouching long enough, you’d start blinking and temporarily develop the ability to jump really high… :wink:

Pro: Any food you find, whether laying on the ground or under a trash can, is ok to eat.

You can have been shot 50 new orifices and a plate of chicken will fix everything.

Every building would be a nonsensical maze with (as mentioned) doors locked for no reason. Piles of rubble everywhere. Huge crates that if taped would slide like they were on greased rails. Thankfully no matter how messed up the building was there would always be a way out.

You can kill 10,000 people and never get arrested or even questioned if you were maybe just a little to trigger happy. Unless you happened to kill a non-com that was supposed to open a door then you die instantly.

For some reason you can’t look through a sniper scope on a gun without bobbing your head like a spastic bird.

You can wander the streets with guns drawn and only the ‘enemy’ notices or cares.

You have a knife on you you can’t ever throw away. Stabbing people with said knife is pretty futile you can do it 500 times without killing anyone.

when climbing ladders (which you’d do an obscene amount) you can do a 180 hold a rifle and fire all without falling to your death.

You can often kill people and have someone 3 feet away not even notice.

Sometimes someone will follow you around like a little pet. They’ll often shoot the same guys that are out to kill you. Strangely no matter how much you try they will run straight into enemy fire and get themselves killed.

For some reason people in red shirts can take a lot more damage then someone in a blue shirt.

a huge barracks with 1,000 men in it will have one small cafeteria and one small room full of cots. (with roughly six beds)

Whatever you do will not be a straight forward Go here kill this guy b/c he killed your best friend. There will always be 20 steps to do before you figure out who you’re supposed to be killing and usually you’ll get betrayed by someone that’s close to you.

oh all doors are indestructible even to a rocket launcher. Fortunately the way to open said door will always be on your side of the door if you search long enough.

Pro–I could summon God-like entities to kick my enemies’ asses!!!

Con–I’d never get to change my clothes…

Pro - all the women will be extrememly good looking and wear very tight clothing.

Major Pro- if I needed money, all I would have to do is go out and wander around. Bizarre creatures would attack me out of nowhere, but when killed they would drop money and valuable items.

con:

At any moment, you could be turned into a ‘Suicide Lemming’!