Life Inside a Computer Game?

Cafe Society
1

The idea here is to describe what life would be like if you actually lived inside a computer game. Others must guess which game it is.:slight_smile:

Here is my sample:

Why Me?

“Why me?” asked the prisoner, as once again he awoke from his gruesome death at the claws of mutant Zombies. What crimes must I have committed, to be condemed to an eternity of suffering?

Ever since he could remember, he had existed in this maze filled with traps for the unwary - and horrible monsters. He would never escape, he knew that now. Nor, it seemed, could he die - no matter what he did.

Or rather, he could die - over and over again - only to be condemed to re-live. And suffer. Again and again.

Nor could he simply rest, stay in one place, put off his ordeal for another day. A strange force kept him moving, looking for weapons, killing endless legions of the angry undead. A compulsion to pick up medical packs, to find ammo, to keep going - even though he knew beyond a doubt that it would never end, that in fact the maze had no end.

He crawled through a dank corridor. In front, a pool of water. In his mind he screamed, “no more! let it end!”, but a force outside his will caused him to boldly stride into the pool … acid! It was eating his legs! Helpless, he screamed at the intolerable pain, his bare bones smoking, and then, oblivion … only to awake in the corridor again. This time, the will forced him away from the pool.

He used to believe that no god could create such misery. Now he knew better. There was a god, and god hated him. He had designed this whole universe to torture him, forever and ever, for his amusement.

He was in hell.

2

Sounds like my experience when I went to go see “Tron”

3

:smiley: LOL
Doom, Duke nuk’em and every first person shooter without a team!

Try this one, its easy.
Journal Entry,
Thromka diary,
The battles were endless and they seemed to be getting more difficult. The Humans put up a ferocious fight, but we were used to thier ways. These tree people seemed unstopable. They moved through the night with stealth, and our animal eyes couldn’t spot them.
This land is strange to us, and we now know it is hostile towards us as well. But the prophet said to leave our home land, or the undead would get us as well.
I hear the distant alert of a battle, and I must go…

:cool:

4

http://www.theonion.com/onion3726/video_game_character.html

And tangentially, about the kind of political interests you’d have to focus on:
http://www.theonion.com/onion3627/video_game_characters.html

5

I was getting mildly annoyed. There I was, fresh with ammo and magazines (odd that one person would keep so many copies of one magazine!) I had taken from a villager’s home, with nary a peep from the villager himself, and one of my comrades just stood in the doorway. He wouldn’t move from there, not one inch, and for some reason, it was impossibly for me to squeeze past him. I tried to talk to him, but all these attempts were for naught, for when trying to open a dialogue, I found myself only able to ask a few standard questions about his weapons and armor, instead of more burning issues like “Why are you standing in my way” and “Could you get the fuck away from the door?”

Finally I ran some circles in the villager’s house, which seemed to cause my companion to detach himself from the doorway and follow me. I sprinted out of the house, and he followed me, but our encounter had only confirmed my suspicions - he hates me, he truly hates me, and one day, I will find myself a corpse in the desert, with wounds from an “accidental” submachine gun burst still fresh in my back.

6

Darn it! Someone has done it first, and better! :smack:

Those were very, very funny. :smiley:

Still, there are other games out there to conceptualize …

DarkVixen, you are of course right in your I.D. (I was thinking of Doom), but I don’t get your game reference. Someone else will have to carry the ball. :slight_smile:

7

“Umm… excuse me, but- why the hell isn’t the anti-mass spectrometer controlled remotely? Having to don protective gear to work at a console a few meters from a high-energy particle beam is insane!”

“Come on, follow me. If I can crawl through an air duct or climb a ladder, you can too. You’re supposed to be the security guard!”

“All you’ve got is your standard issue sidearm? Why don’t you take that shotgun?”

“Funny, these windows just won’t break. What the hell are they made of anyway?”

“These first aid units are astonishing! A few minutes ago my Vital Signs monitoring was telling me ‘User Death Immenent’- now I’m completely healed! These units could save millions of lives all over the world!”

8

No worries, if you have played the campaign you would know. Its a RTS, and not a FPS.
Lumpy, I know I haven’t played it but it sounds fun!

9

Kantalooppi: Ian ranked right up there with toe fungus on the intelligence scale, didn’t he?

10

Heh. I had the same thoughts when I first started playing Doom 8 years ago.

Along with thoughts like:

“I can withstand getting shot with an anti-tank rocket, fall from any height without getting so much as a scratch on me, and carry around a pump-action shotgun that holds 50 rounds of ammo. (100 rounds, if I’m wearing a backpack, which increases the shotgun’s magazine capacity for some mysterious reason.) So why can’t I climb over anything that’s more than a foot high, or look up?”

… and:

“Oh, wait, I know why falling doesn’t hurt me! I’m supposed to be on Phobos and/or Deimos. Those two little moons of Mars have practically no gravity at all. Um … but, then, so why do I fall at the normal Earth-gravity rate of speed?”

11

… and:

“How did these bad guys ever manage to take over the world in the first place? One moderately-well-trained soldier like myself can kill a thousand of these goons in the morning before breakfast. How many people are in the U.S. Army and Marine Corps right now? 5 million? 20 million? We should’ve been able to mop the floor with these unintelligent automatons moments after their ‘invasion’ started.”

… and:

“Wouldn’t it have been easier if we’d just dropped one nuclear bomb on the bad guys’ H.Q.?”

12

I think that I did the calculations for the height of a given room that I designed assuming Earth’s gravity, and discovered that the hero from Doom is about four feet tall.

That’s right–the most badass space marine of them all is a midget.

13

Well, I just slaughtered a couple dozen thugs, blew up a building, and knocked off a mob kingpin. Thankfully, no cops heard me. Man, I’m in bad shape… I took a sawed-off shotgun and a Colt 1911 right to the chest. I hope I can make it… oh, wait, there’s a medicine cabinet. Yeah, some aspirin will cure those gunshot wounds right quick. Ahh, that’s better. Now, better find a car and drive back home. Ah, here’s one. Get in, drive…drive…drive… goddamn, this is boring! Can this POS car go faster than 30?! Lemme step on the gas a little harder. Come on… finally, level ground… keep on driving… dum de dum dumm… oh, crap, sirens. They must have heard the destruction. Oh no, wait, that’s not it. They’re not stopping me on suspicion of mass murder, they’re stopping me because I’m driving 1 mph over the speed limit. And they’re driving magic police cars; no matter how fast I go, they’ll always catch up! Shit. Oh well, it’s just a citation, better get out and take the ticket. Oh no! For some reason, I got out of the car with a tommy gun in my hands! Now I’m being arrested! Time to start over!

14

You get a little farming going, gathering and hunting, herd some sheep, set up a nice blacksmith shop, some houses, nice little dock with some fishing boats, a mill…and then the guys in the red loincloths come over, mess up your stuff and knock over your wonder. Why do I even bother getting up in the morning…

15

Damn Byzantines, all cocky because they reached the Bronze Age first. Damn them all, I say. Damn them all to Hell!

16

Let’s see. Russia or Nod, depending on the game, is attacking me all over the place.

No problem. Just glad I have a Special truck that turns into a building and a good supply of tiberian/ore nearby and an ability to create vehicles, men and buildings out of nothing, and I’ll soon beat back those assholes!

If you are fighting the Zerg, all you need is a single construction robot to take advantage of the nearby supplies of crytals and gas.

17

Day One: I don’t understand why these skyrangers don’t have pilots. Couldn’t they drop off the squad, dust off, and provide air support?

Landed at some poor bastard’s farm. Little grey guys wandering around. We lost three guys just getting into the damn saucer.

Day Five: Laser rifle: good. I’m reallly not so sure about these stun rod things, though.

Day Six: What. The. Hell. HQ refuses to issue us nightvision gear. No IR, no light amplification. What do they give us? Little glowing balls!

Day Eight: I hate chrysalids. More later.

Day Nine: I HATE chrysalids.

Day Ten: Johnny freaked out and started shooting the other guys, then dropped his gun and ran into the corner. The new briefing from HQ said that if anyone in the squad panics or acts oddly, we’re to kill him immediately. Morale is not high.

Day Twelve: They ran us through a new lab just added to the complex. Three of us got sacked. They demoted another guy and legally changed his name to “PsiBait.” He’s in good spirits about the whole thing, though.

Day Thirteen: Plasma rifles GOOD. PsiBait only gets a stun rod, though.

Day Twenty: The base got attacked today. Muton morons walked right through every killing zone.

Day 22: Flying power armor. You poor alien bastards. They attempted to attack the base today. I just listened to all the new plasma ball defenses thudding away, rolled over, and got some more sleep.

Day 23: Did I mention the flying power armor? Saw a chrysalid crying down below before I dropped grenades on him.

Day 25: HQ has started issuing us these insane nuclear bazooka things. My pack was loaded down with extra shells. Stayed in the skyranger and leveled three city blocks while playing solitaire.

Day 35: What is this, our dozenth alien base infiltration? I’m getting tired of them.

Day 36: They’re shipping us WHERE?

18

X-Com. Which rox0rs. A damn shame it won’t run on my machine.

Day 1. Ran around killing things. It seems odd that my fellow adventurers seem far more prone to verbally abusing me and trying to kill me then fighting the hordes.

Day 2. Oddly enough, the same monstors that I killed on day 1 came back. Oh, well, at least they brought new treasure.

Day 3. Well, that was odd. An sorceress who had only attained the first level of proficency dropped a greater artifact, then killed me with one hit. Of her bare hands. While I was 50 feet away. In the town. I would seek this power…

Day 4. HHAHa u lamerz i cn dpe crap + i hav skils an stuf and I kil you al know haha!

19

I was running up this catwalk, you see, and all of a sudden they were coming at me. Barrels. Fortunately, they were low enough for me to jump over, but it was getting a bit stressful. But I had to keep going – the love of my life was in danger. Damn, if only I had a hammer…

I climbed a ladder or two, to higher catwalks, and all of a sudden, I saw it. A thing of beauty to my eyes! I great glowing sledgehammer, hanging on the wall before me! I grabbed it up, and started bashing all barrels that were coming at me. Now that the way was clear, I ran faster. And faster. I climbed a few more levels, bashed one more barrel, and then my hammer disappered. Damn!

No matter. I jumped the last barrel, climbed the last ladder, and there I saw her! She was still as beautiful and radiant as the sun! I started to run towards her, when all of a sudden… HE grabbed her and started to climb.

I cried out, “You damn dirty ape!”

I will kill him, if it’s the last thing I ever do…

20

StarCraft, one of my Favorites! (at least on line multiplayer!)
:cool:
you have to be the one who gets mine(uo toppish) its a blizzard game